fessin' up

[rackabello]

this is my story, pathetic but true,
or, "those are some expensive coloring books, son"

so, a bookish and somewhat introverted grade schooler falls in love with 1e D&D. let's call him Rackabello. sadly, he doesn't have anyone his own age to game with. he plays with his dad every now and then, but pops is just too smart for the fledgeling DM...

RACK [poring over map through spectacles apparently two sizes too large for his face]: you open the door. you see an orc.
DAD [absentmindedly running son's first attempt at a variant class, a spellcaster with telekinesis at first level]: well, i guess i'll just fire all the arrows in the elf's quiver at him.
RACK: Dad!!

Rackabello goes to the gaming club at the rec center a few times, but the older kids are mean to him.

GRIZZLED 13 YEAR OLD GAMER [poring over character sheet through spectacles apparently two sizes too large for his face]: you can join our party, but first you have draw from my Deck of Many Things....
[RACK rolls]
GRIZZLED: you draw...Flames. now there's a Devil in Hell who hates your character.
RACK [scared]: oh no!!

even his priest is no help to him. when Rackabello and his dad go to the rectory to play D&D with the cool, sneaker-wearing priest, the boy takes his halfling archer, a character Rackabello has equipped only with leather armor because he reasons platemail will slow him down.

PRIEST [poring over character sheet through a sneer apparently two sizes too large for his face]: leather, a bow and a dagger? this is the kind of slack-jawed idiot just walking around hoping to get killed.
RACK [slack-jawed] father?

what could melancholy Rackabello do? he'd already played Keep on the Borderlands as a solo adventure. twice. how could he explore in the weird and wonderful new world he'd discovered? well, for one thing, he could color in his Monster Manual. with magic marker.

it wasn't much, but it was a start.

__________________________
and every word of it true, i swear! i thought a thread about our most embarrassing gaming moments might be sort of fun. anyone else have any to contribute? heinous hazing from haughty middle schoolers? that doofus decision that doomed your character? comically cruddy campaigns you wish had never crawled off the drawing board? c'mon, fess up!

 

[Katerek]

here is one for ya

When I was 11 I was playing a barbarian of the bear tribe, I think his name was Bearclaw. I was about 3rd level.

DM: You enter the chamber and you see four humanoid figures, their skins are a mottled purple in color and their heads resemble squid.

ME: Whats a squid?

DM: It's like an octopus.

ME: Oh. That doesn't sound dangerous, I charge.

Bearclaw died that day, poor Bearclaw.

 

[Nvvyn]

Once I played a dwarven warrior, aorund 3-5th level. I used a shield and an axe, the shield was as large as I was. We were in a very dark cave and had just moved into a tunnel that was 5 feet wide with a very steep incline. prolly about 45degree's
I then proceeded to place my shield on the ground, sit atop it, and have the warrior behind me give a great heave, needless to say, I was sliding down the tunnel at around 60 miles an hour for about 200-400 yards, I barreled into a room with a 10 ft drop, easily making the 60 ft distance to the next wall, which I promptly smashed my helmet into. I then landed on the ground very dazed and confused. Looking around I saw lots of mushrooms, all of which quickly begin a loud and terrible shrieking noise, which also promtply attracted many many orcs and ogres. I was toast before the party could reach me, BUT MAN we laughed for like 1 hour NONSTOP. heheh was the funniest thing I'd ever done.

 

[Sammelsurum]

Heck, I *still* don´t have anyone to game with. And I am 24!