D&D General Friday Fun: Explain A D&D Thing Badly

[Reynard]

It can be a classic adventure, a monster, a spell, a class, or anything else that is iconic of D&D. Otherwise you know how this works.
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I'm here to play the lute and [---] dragons, and I lost my lute.

 

[TiQuinn]

I roll around this little ball of bat doo doo in my hands, and then I throw it at those guys over there, and somehow it explodes. (Smells fingers).

 

[dave2008]

"I believe it's called 'jogging' or 'yogging.' it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It is supposed to be wild" - Ron Burgundy "Anchorman"

Sorry, this is the first thing that popped into my head.

 

[Charlaquin]

Ok, you know those things… what are they called? They’re from like Celtic mythology I think. Or English? Knuckle-something, I think…? Like a guy on a horse, but he’s got a pumpkin for a head, you know? All Sleepy-hollow style. Anyway, imagine that, but just the head. Only it’s not a pumpkin - I mean, actually I guess it might be kind of pumpkin-shaped… but, whatever, that part’s not important. Ok, so it’s one of their heads, right? Just kinda floating there on its own. Oh, but it’s also like, a lot bigger than a human head. It’s like human-sized, but just a head, if that makes sense. And also it’s got one big eye, like that monster from that story I read in college… About the guy who gets lost at sea for 20 years? It’s a really old story, like ancient Roman or something. Ok, so a giant floating Celtic Knuckle-horse guy’s head crossed with the one-eyed giant Roman monster. And also he’s got a bunch more eyes, so I guess it’s not really that much like the Roman giant… But, you know, one bigger eye in the middle like he has, and the other ones are small, and they aren’t on his face. More like… What’s the other ancient Roman monster that turns people to stone? The basilisk! So, it’s a Knickle-guy’s head with a one-eyed giants eye, and hair like the basilisk, but with more eyes on the ends instead of snake heads. But only one of them turns you to stone, the others all shoot different beams. One just turns you to dust, and one throws you around the room and stuff… I don’t remember what they all do, but there’s like a TON of them. And the one big eye on the floating knuckle-guy’s Roman Giant face makes all your spells and magic items stop working if he looks at you.

It’s called, like, a… beautiful eye? Or eye of beauty? Yeah, I think that was it. An eye of beauty. Anyway, better hope you never run into one of those, it totally OTK’d us.

 

[TiQuinn]

Ok, you know those things… what are they called? They’re from like Celtic mythology I think. Or English? Knuckle-something, I think…? Like a guy on a horse, but he’s got a pumpkin for a head, you know? All Sleepy-hollow style. Anyway, imagine that, but just the head. Only it’s not a pumpkin - I mean, actually I guess it might be kind of pumpkin-shaped… but, whatever, that part’s not important. Ok, so it’s one of their heads, right? Just kinda floating there on its own. Oh, but it’s also like, a lot bigger than a human head. It’s like human-sized, but just a head, if that makes sense. And also it’s got one big eye, like that monster from that story I read in college… About the guy who gets lost at sea for 12 years? It’s a really old story, like ancient Roman or something. Ok, so a giant floating Celtic Knuckle-horse guy’s head crossed with the one-eyed giant Roman monster. And also he’s got a bunch more eyes, so I guess it’s not really that much like the Roman giant… But, you know, one bigger eye in the middle like he has, and the other ones are small, and they aren’t on his face. More like… What’s the other ancient Roman monster that turns people to stone? The basilisk! So, it’s a Knickle-guy’s head with a one-eyed giants eye, and hair like the basilisk, but with more eyes on the ends instead of snake heads. But only one of them turns you to stone, the others all shoot different beams. One just turns you to dust, and one throws you around the room and stuff… I don’t remember what they all do, but there’s like a TON of them. And the one big eye on the floating knuckle-guy’s Roman Giant face makes all your spells and magic items stop working if he looks at you.

It’s called, like, a… beautiful eye? Or eye of beauty? Yeah, I think that was it. An eye of beauty. Anyway, better hope you never run into one of those, it totally OTK’d us.

And they called it Taserface!

It's metaphorical!

 

[Stormonu]

Ok, you know those things… what are they called? They’re from like Celtic mythology I think. Or English? Knuckle-something, I think…? Like a guy on a horse, but he’s got a pumpkin for a head, you know? All Sleepy-hollow style. Anyway, imagine that, but just the head. Only it’s not a pumpkin - I mean, actually I guess it might be kind of pumpkin-shaped… but, whatever, that part’s not important. Ok, so it’s one of their heads, right? Just kinda floating there on its own. Oh, but it’s also like, a lot bigger than a human head. It’s like human-sized, but just a head, if that makes sense. And also it’s got one big eye, like that monster from that story I read in college… About the guy who gets lost at sea for 12 years? It’s a really old story, like ancient Roman or something. Ok, so a giant floating Celtic Knuckle-horse guy’s head crossed with the one-eyed giant Roman monster. And also he’s got a bunch more eyes, so I guess it’s not really that much like the Roman giant… But, you know, one bigger eye in the middle like he has, and the other ones are small, and they aren’t on his face. More like… What’s the other ancient Roman monster that turns people to stone? The basilisk! So, it’s a Knickle-guy’s head with a one-eyed giants eye, and hair like the basilisk, but with more eyes on the ends instead of snake heads. But only one of them turns you to stone, the others all shoot different beams. One just turns you to dust, and one throws you around the room and stuff… I don’t remember what they all do, but there’s like a TON of them. And the one big eye on the floating knuckle-guy’s Roman Giant face makes all your spells and magic items stop working if he looks at you.

It’s called, like, a… beautiful eye? Or eye of beauty? Yeah, I think that was it. An eye of beauty. Anyway, better hope you never run into one of those, it totally OTK’d us.

I feel like I was just be talked to by Tasslehoff Burrfoot.

Guess I should check my pockets....

 

[Reynard]

I feel like I was just be talked to by Tasslehoff Burrfoot.

Guess I should check my pockets....

Okay, so it is a hobbit, right? Except it is skinny and has pointy ears. No, not like an elf. More like an emaciated gnome. Anyway, it's a hobbit except instead of liking comfort, they are fearless. Not like brave, but like dumb as a stump so they aren't afraid of anything. No, not mentally disabled. That's a different thing in this world. Dwarves, actually. Anyway, this dumb, brave hobbit is also a kleptomaniac.

 

[Charlaquin]

Okay, so it is a hobbit, right? Except it is skinny and has pointy ears. No, not like an elf. More like an emaciated gnome. Anyway, it's a hobbit except instead of liking comfort, they are fearless. Not like brave, but like dumb as a stump so they aren't afraid of anything. No, not mentally disabled. That's a different thing in this world. Dwarves, actually. Anyway, this dumb, brave hobbit is also a kleptomaniac.

Oh, Dragonlance race variants… they sure were of their time…

 

[CleverNickName]

My bad description of D&D combat:

"Twenty minutes of fun, packed into four hours."

 

[aco175]

It represents how much blood you have left before you die. You gain them all back the next morning though.