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Funniest things said at the table


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"I hide the penguins in my pants."

The party paladin after a huge fight with an assassination team sent by a faction which used amulets as identifiers. The amulets were shaped like golden Kenku.
 

"I will teach you to be pickpockets of men." - Gepetto Jack Fagin.

Fagin was a Tielfling warlock who worshiped an Infernal deity called the G-LD, (who was the root of all wealth) and the line was part of an off-the-cuff sermon he was delivering to his gang of half-clockwork orphan thieves.
 

A party member with transformational abilities turned herself into a dolphin to go fetch something at the bottom of the sea. She returned to the surface empty handed to tell us "Dolphins don't have pockets".

For a while it always seemed like our party would get information from a dying dwarf with a gut wound. Finally someone got the idea to jab one with a weapon to get them talking. Things went badly. We soon had a new saying - "Never poke a wounded dwarf." (This story was later related to Kenzer and Company and a version appeared in Knights of the Dinner Table by full permission of our gaming group)

And my personal favorite - one that pissed off our DM at the time to no end... We were up against a mighty nasty foe (Demon disguised as human), and the DM wanted to keep things in universe and in character. When the foe grabbed a trapped scroll we gave him, the electric shock made his hair stand straight up. Our jokester player immediately quipped... "Hey look, its Don king!"
The snickers began and the DM tried to derail it with a follow up of "Who is this Don King?"
The player immediately shot back - "The god of bad hair."
The belly laughter began and at that point the DM gave up for the night.

Smoss
 

This was a "play yourself" game where the plot was the people at the table were zapped somehow into the Forgotten Realms, but with all of our gaming knowledge (i.e, so the PCs knew that hidden room in Undermountain near the Waterdeep entrance with a zillion gold pieces in it) - so, we were trying to make our way in the world there. However, we were also ourselves, so nobody with 18/00 strength or anything like that.

Back in 2E days, the guys that had been in the game longest were in the level 9/10 range and loaded with magic items and treasure. We were preparing for some sort of journey into the Underdark and one guy named Chris (playing a wizard) was describing in way too much detail how he was putting on a bodysuit of black leather. (not leather armor, just soft leather that wouldn't interfere with casting.)

After he was done putting on the leather clothes in game, one of the other guys then says, "Oh my god - Chris is The Gimp!"
 

Into the Woods

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