Funny in-game quotes
- Thread starter RigaMortus
- Start date
ichabod
Legned
I tried to trim out all the ones that were in-jokes:
You have a large gold evil skull up your butt.
It would just be very amusing if we brought about the collapse of their entire civilization.
That's not a nice curse.
We haven't commited genocide yet, we missed one.
I jump off the building. (pause) How high up is it?
I cast Location, how far away is it? 40 feet...35 feet...30 feet...
I am not getting a slug as a familiar.
While he's got the guards distracted, something crawls out of my pant's leg.
Don't think of it as looting dead people, think of it as archaeologoy.
But what if it's undead fecal matter?
Sometimes I prefer to go into the shower, turn on scalding hot water, bang my head against the faucet, and do calculus. Other times I prefer to make Rolemaster characters.
This is Charlottesville. You can't meet women here even in roleplaying games.
You kill the toy soldier, I'll cover you.
My money doesn't speak Italian.
On the count of three, we all jump off the train.
Let us revise the parameters by which you shoot people.
This stool could wander off if I don't sit on it.
Surrender or Die! (character passes out)
We're looking for guys in skirts...
Player 1: Maybe we should try going out and killing all of them. Player 2: We could try talking to them. Player 1: Yeah, that's what I meant.
Oh mighty things that can hurt us, please don't.
I critically grapple his ass.
I refuse to get in any mouth that hasn't had a spider jump out of it.
Poor defenseless demon baby.
Going after the last gnome address?
Leave no die unrolled
Do a scan of the crowd for that 'holy s***' look.
We'd like one plot device, no mist please.
Tenser's floating bits
The best is if they split up, because we can take 125 of them.
We haven't done anything evil lately.
Going back to when we were completely clueless...
Is there anything we can do to inhibit psychic powers, like put a helmet on her or wrap her head in molten lead?
We not on an evil missing right now.
Ooooh. You want to give him a chance before we kill him.
How much trouble would we be in if we weren't good?
Invisible character: "Follow me."
We're only temporarily killing him.
Is there a chaotic stupid alignment?
How long can a baby live in Heward's Handy Haversack?
You're awfully talkative for a dead hobbit.
And my all time favorite, in a GURPS Atomic Horror convention round, after finding the local deputy Barney dead in the street, sung just like a children's song: "I love you, you love me, now I'm bleeing in the street; A shotgun blast took off my head, gosh it sucks, now I'm dead."
You have a large gold evil skull up your butt.
It would just be very amusing if we brought about the collapse of their entire civilization.
That's not a nice curse.
We haven't commited genocide yet, we missed one.
I jump off the building. (pause) How high up is it?
I cast Location, how far away is it? 40 feet...35 feet...30 feet...
I am not getting a slug as a familiar.
While he's got the guards distracted, something crawls out of my pant's leg.
Don't think of it as looting dead people, think of it as archaeologoy.
But what if it's undead fecal matter?
Sometimes I prefer to go into the shower, turn on scalding hot water, bang my head against the faucet, and do calculus. Other times I prefer to make Rolemaster characters.
This is Charlottesville. You can't meet women here even in roleplaying games.
You kill the toy soldier, I'll cover you.
My money doesn't speak Italian.
On the count of three, we all jump off the train.
Let us revise the parameters by which you shoot people.
This stool could wander off if I don't sit on it.
Surrender or Die! (character passes out)
We're looking for guys in skirts...
Player 1: Maybe we should try going out and killing all of them. Player 2: We could try talking to them. Player 1: Yeah, that's what I meant.
Oh mighty things that can hurt us, please don't.
I critically grapple his ass.
I refuse to get in any mouth that hasn't had a spider jump out of it.
Poor defenseless demon baby.
Going after the last gnome address?
Leave no die unrolled
Do a scan of the crowd for that 'holy s***' look.
We'd like one plot device, no mist please.
Tenser's floating bits
The best is if they split up, because we can take 125 of them.
We haven't done anything evil lately.
Going back to when we were completely clueless...
Is there anything we can do to inhibit psychic powers, like put a helmet on her or wrap her head in molten lead?
We not on an evil missing right now.
Ooooh. You want to give him a chance before we kill him.
How much trouble would we be in if we weren't good?
Invisible character: "Follow me."
We're only temporarily killing him.
Is there a chaotic stupid alignment?
How long can a baby live in Heward's Handy Haversack?
You're awfully talkative for a dead hobbit.
And my all time favorite, in a GURPS Atomic Horror convention round, after finding the local deputy Barney dead in the street, sung just like a children's song: "I love you, you love me, now I'm bleeing in the street; A shotgun blast took off my head, gosh it sucks, now I'm dead."
Last edited:
Well there was the time when the group complemented a player on finally adding his BAB to his D20 roll correctly and he looked straight at us and said simple multiplication.
The time when the same player mispronouced Water Naga and exchanged the first a in Naga with an i.
The time when a DM was describing to the party about hearing a door slam and then another one slam and on and on. The DM then informs the party that they see several Slamadoors the party then asks what. He shows them the Monster Manual and they promtly inform him that's it's pronounced salamander.
The time when two players were fighting for control of some uber powered sword and one annouces that he's casting rain death on the other. The DM asks for the player to point out the spell he was talking about, he does, everyone breaks out laughing as the DM informs him that it's Feighn Death.
The time when the same player mispronouced Water Naga and exchanged the first a in Naga with an i.
The time when a DM was describing to the party about hearing a door slam and then another one slam and on and on. The DM then informs the party that they see several Slamadoors the party then asks what. He shows them the Monster Manual and they promtly inform him that's it's pronounced salamander.
The time when two players were fighting for control of some uber powered sword and one annouces that he's casting rain death on the other. The DM asks for the player to point out the spell he was talking about, he does, everyone breaks out laughing as the DM informs him that it's Feighn Death.
magnas_veritas
First Post
"I five-foot adjust over and sneak-attack his a$$."
Rogue: "I search the door. Is it trapped on a Search-47?"
DM: "Nope."
Rogue: "I open it."
DM: "Doesn't budge. Looks like it's arcane locked."
Rogue (to mage): "KNOCK!!!!!"
Rogue: "I tumble into the mass of undead and attack the one in the back, since the cleric will turn them and I'll get attacks of opportunity."
Cleric: "Uh, dude, I don't turn. How many HP do you have left?"
Rogue: "Crap."
DM: "Well, the wights take out their knives, forks, and salt..."
Player (to DM/monster): "Hey, stop using our treasure!"
Monster (to another monster): "Aw, crap, those adventurers dropped another holy weapon. I *hate* those!"
Rogue (currently stuck in hybrid werewolf form): "That nightmare spell wiped me out. Y'all go and dig up the ruin, I'll be over here sleeping."
DM: "Okay, you circle around three times and make a nest..."
Brad
Rogue: "I search the door. Is it trapped on a Search-47?"
DM: "Nope."
Rogue: "I open it."
DM: "Doesn't budge. Looks like it's arcane locked."
Rogue (to mage): "KNOCK!!!!!"
Rogue: "I tumble into the mass of undead and attack the one in the back, since the cleric will turn them and I'll get attacks of opportunity."
Cleric: "Uh, dude, I don't turn. How many HP do you have left?"
Rogue: "Crap."
DM: "Well, the wights take out their knives, forks, and salt..."
Player (to DM/monster): "Hey, stop using our treasure!"
Monster (to another monster): "Aw, crap, those adventurers dropped another holy weapon. I *hate* those!"
Rogue (currently stuck in hybrid werewolf form): "That nightmare spell wiped me out. Y'all go and dig up the ruin, I'll be over here sleeping."
DM: "Okay, you circle around three times and make a nest..."
Brad
Dave G
First Post
Because this requires a tiny bit of back-story, it's probably not as funny as I think it is.
Our party works for a Mercenary company, on our way to a bodyguarding mission, we are ambushed by brigands... During the course of our investigations, we find that the brigands have a 'pet' rust monster who's ill cared for, and hungry. We make arrangements for a caravan master to find it a better home.
(a few days later) We meet the princess, the person we're to bodyguard. She's incredibly attractive, and my character's half-brother (the Bard) is making all kinds of moves on her, one of her protectors tells us that she wears a magically enchanted chastity belt.
Bard: "Man, I gotta learn how to pick locks!"
Wizard: "Buy me a drink and we'll talk knock!"
Me: Hey, I know... where's that damn rust monster?!"
Our party works for a Mercenary company, on our way to a bodyguarding mission, we are ambushed by brigands... During the course of our investigations, we find that the brigands have a 'pet' rust monster who's ill cared for, and hungry. We make arrangements for a caravan master to find it a better home.
(a few days later) We meet the princess, the person we're to bodyguard. She's incredibly attractive, and my character's half-brother (the Bard) is making all kinds of moves on her, one of her protectors tells us that she wears a magically enchanted chastity belt.
Bard: "Man, I gotta learn how to pick locks!"
Wizard: "Buy me a drink and we'll talk knock!"
Me: Hey, I know... where's that damn rust monster?!"
Janos Audron
Explorer
For the Dutch people here:
Drow maakt meer kapot dan je lief is.
For the people who don't understand Dutch:
A couple of years back, there was this commercial on dutch television about drinking too much and the consequences of that.
The slogan was: Spirits break more than what's dear to you.
Which last Sunday became Drow break more than what's dear to you.
Drow maakt meer kapot dan je lief is.
For the people who don't understand Dutch:
A couple of years back, there was this commercial on dutch television about drinking too much and the consequences of that.
The slogan was: Spirits break more than what's dear to you.
Which last Sunday became Drow break more than what's dear to you.
Mark Chance
Boingy! Boingy!
Me, as the GM, trying to narrate off-the-cuff after too little sleep followed by a pint of oatmeal stout:
"You arrive at the ruin about noonish - in the afternoon...."
"You arrive at the ruin about noonish - in the afternoon...."
Insane Dwarf Fighter trying to buy a Healing potion from some wrascly Gnomes who are trying to rip off the stupid fighter with a potion of water.
Dwarf: How good does this potion work
Gnome: You'll feel right as rain after drinking this!
Dwarf (as drinking potion): I hate rain...
Gnome (after dwarf has drank): So, how do ya feel?
Dwarf: ... right as rain... *eyes glow evil red*
Dwarf: How good does this potion work
Gnome: You'll feel right as rain after drinking this!
Dwarf (as drinking potion): I hate rain...
Gnome (after dwarf has drank): So, how do ya feel?
Dwarf: ... right as rain... *eyes glow evil red*
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