Funny in-game quotes
- Thread starter RigaMortus
- Start date
Its winter, there's a snowstorm going on outside, and the innkeeper says that it is 5 silver pieces for a room. So what does our monk do who had plenty of gold. Does he buy a room? No he says something like "I'll go sleep out in the snowstorm." Needless to say he almost freezes to death, the almost because we get him inside before he dies. So once healed after his near death experience, he's in the inn again in the middle of the night, and instead of paying he tries to go outside again. We had to knock him unconscious to save his life.
Another story: Same monk, the party is now in a city and needs to get better cloths. The monks choice is orange and purple robes, left over from a strange cult. But it gets better, the monk buys a warhorse, and pays a wizard to dye it purple and orange and to die his hair (the monk's) purple and orange as well.
My Third story is a short one. We were in a dungeon one of our party members a gnomish cleric (Different character) and there's glowing moss on a pillar. In front of the pillar is a dire rat. So the gnomes character says "I jump over the dire rat to get at the pillar." The player then roles a 1 and the cleric lands flat on his face. The moss is common fluorescent moss found all over the dungeon.
Last story, involving the monk (who's LG), and the Cleric (NG I think.) The party has found a bowl that can summon devils, if a blood sacrifice is made. Now those two try to sell the bowl. If you don't see an problem look at their alignments.
Another story: Same monk, the party is now in a city and needs to get better cloths. The monks choice is orange and purple robes, left over from a strange cult. But it gets better, the monk buys a warhorse, and pays a wizard to dye it purple and orange and to die his hair (the monk's) purple and orange as well.
My Third story is a short one. We were in a dungeon one of our party members a gnomish cleric (Different character) and there's glowing moss on a pillar. In front of the pillar is a dire rat. So the gnomes character says "I jump over the dire rat to get at the pillar." The player then roles a 1 and the cleric lands flat on his face. The moss is common fluorescent moss found all over the dungeon.
Last story, involving the monk (who's LG), and the Cleric (NG I think.) The party has found a bowl that can summon devils, if a blood sacrifice is made. Now those two try to sell the bowl. If you don't see an problem look at their alignments.
ghoti69
First Post
Local Yokle: "We don't take kindly to wizards 'round he-yah!"
"Do I LOOK like a wizard?", said the young lady dressed in flowing black robes, leaning on a staff and an owl on her shoulder.
The other quote was actually not in-game. It was a new group of players, and they were deciding who was going to play what. We had a new player, Althea, and they decided to let her play a cleric, since at lower levels, clerics were relatively easy to play. However, I, paying attention to another player misinterpreted "Let Althea play the cleric" as "Let the air out of the cleric!"
"Do I LOOK like a wizard?", said the young lady dressed in flowing black robes, leaning on a staff and an owl on her shoulder.
The other quote was actually not in-game. It was a new group of players, and they were deciding who was going to play what. We had a new player, Althea, and they decided to let her play a cleric, since at lower levels, clerics were relatively easy to play. However, I, paying attention to another player misinterpreted "Let Althea play the cleric" as "Let the air out of the cleric!"
Pierce
First Post
Our party is traveling through the woods and meet three dwarves. My character (the only dwarf in our party) approaches to parley. After some uncomfortable introductions:
DM: The lead dwarf snarls and changes into a werewolf!
Me: You're kidding!
DM: *pause* Well, I'd say that you're surprised. Everyone else roll initiative.
DM: The lead dwarf snarls and changes into a werewolf!
Me: You're kidding!
DM: *pause* Well, I'd say that you're surprised. Everyone else roll initiative.
I posted about this one in the funy RP moments thread as well:
*while critically fumbling and watching his prized axe go flying off a 1000 foot drop into the ocean*
"Noooooooooooooo!!!!"
*Followed by his diving after it*
Another good one was in 9th grade (14 years ago) a new friend of mine had just finished making his first character ever and We were going around the room giving self descriptions and his was very succinct: "I'm a 6 foot elf". He repeated this at various intervals through the night and he still hasn't lived it down.
Hagen
*while critically fumbling and watching his prized axe go flying off a 1000 foot drop into the ocean*
"Noooooooooooooo!!!!"
*Followed by his diving after it*
Another good one was in 9th grade (14 years ago) a new friend of mine had just finished making his first character ever and We were going around the room giving self descriptions and his was very succinct: "I'm a 6 foot elf". He repeated this at various intervals through the night and he still hasn't lived it down.
Hagen
demiurge1138
Inventor of Super-Toast
The party is exploring a dungeon and has just subdued an air demon. But the lizardfolk fighter's getting hungry, leading to the now infamous line in our group "are you made of poison?"
"I said I pounce on the ghost. Is that a problem?"
Demiurge out.
"I said I pounce on the ghost. Is that a problem?"
Demiurge out.
Onathrin
Explorer
These quotes came from a campaign I ran several years ago. I was running Bruce Cordell's Illithid trilogy. One of the players actualy transcribed these quotes.
(The party following a lead broke into a warehouse and attacked the workers there)
P1: *after fight* Y'know, these are probably totally innocent townsfolk.
P2: They did have daggers.
P1: Well, we DID kick their door in.
P2: It had no business being locked.
(Later, the party was moving through a dungeon...)
P1: I'll take point.
Me: *a description of the room that was very gory and disturbing*
P1: You take point.
(Discussing party morality)
P1: What alignment are you?
P2: Neutral good
P1: *laughing* So you say...
P2: I'm Neutral Good on paper
(The party makes it to the final encounter, which is with a proxy of the illithid god Ilsensine. I had the proxy go on and on about the glory of Ilsensine and how Ilsensine could destroy anyone he wanted, such is his power.)
P1: That's impressive! So this Ilsensine guy is more powerful than you?
Me: Very much so. *Continue on with praise Ilsensine tyrade*
P1: I see... well, we already kicked Ilsensine's ass, so you might as well just give up now.
(The party following a lead broke into a warehouse and attacked the workers there)
P1: *after fight* Y'know, these are probably totally innocent townsfolk.
P2: They did have daggers.
P1: Well, we DID kick their door in.
P2: It had no business being locked.
(Later, the party was moving through a dungeon...)
P1: I'll take point.
Me: *a description of the room that was very gory and disturbing*
P1: You take point.
(Discussing party morality)
P1: What alignment are you?
P2: Neutral good
P1: *laughing* So you say...
P2: I'm Neutral Good on paper
(The party makes it to the final encounter, which is with a proxy of the illithid god Ilsensine. I had the proxy go on and on about the glory of Ilsensine and how Ilsensine could destroy anyone he wanted, such is his power.)
P1: That's impressive! So this Ilsensine guy is more powerful than you?
Me: Very much so. *Continue on with praise Ilsensine tyrade*
P1: I see... well, we already kicked Ilsensine's ass, so you might as well just give up now.
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Sejs said:
What a great line.
I once had a wizard head to the Beastlands, where he intended to summon a familiar. He had arrived in a swamp, and he was sitting down and prepping his spell when a 20' crocodile swam up to him.
"Hello there," it said. "Are you good?"
Thinking the crocodile was thinking about morals and ethics instead of tastiness, the wizard nodded his head enthusiastically. "I sure am!"
"Excellent," answered the crocodile. "Are you crunchy?"
The look on the player's face as he put 2 and 2 together was wonderful. One fast fly spell, and he hunted down a safer place to cast his spell.
Kelek72
First Post
DM "You hear the horses getting restless as you prepare to sleep for the night."
P1 "I glance over in that direction."
DM "Everything looks OK, the horses, donkeys, and mules are moving about a bit nervously though."
P2 "We have donkeys?"
P1 "Yes...pay attention"
P2 "I look at the closest donkey"
DM "He's looking at you with a pissed off look on his face"
P2 "Fireball!"
P1 "I glance over in that direction."
DM "Everything looks OK, the horses, donkeys, and mules are moving about a bit nervously though."
P2 "We have donkeys?"
P1 "Yes...pay attention"
P2 "I look at the closest donkey"
DM "He's looking at you with a pissed off look on his face"
P2 "Fireball!"
corcio
First Post
my party had just careened down a tunnelon a mine car and landed in front of a gnome
who was trying not to fight them...and was in the middle off making them an offer....the characters immediatly started attacking the gnome who screamed and hid behind a desk...he was just an accountant....but they had been fighting off his evil masters zombie minions all night long.....so after a pathetic display of natural 1s and such the gorup managed to slay the vil little gnome....and then proceeded to not take anyof his money or possesions.....as they left i had them alter their character sheets to make them evil.....they all proceeded to mourn the loss of the little gnome.....and from that day forth they vow vengeance for the gnome when they slay evil zombies...
who was trying not to fight them...and was in the middle off making them an offer....the characters immediatly started attacking the gnome who screamed and hid behind a desk...he was just an accountant....but they had been fighting off his evil masters zombie minions all night long.....so after a pathetic display of natural 1s and such the gorup managed to slay the vil little gnome....and then proceeded to not take anyof his money or possesions.....as they left i had them alter their character sheets to make them evil.....they all proceeded to mourn the loss of the little gnome.....and from that day forth they vow vengeance for the gnome when they slay evil zombies...
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