Funny in-game quotes

[Garnfellow]

Fighter: [trying to warn off a fellow fighter from charging the two-headed half-dragon ogre] Don't become a cleave statistic, man!

 

[Prince Atom]

The ranger/horizon walker in my group, after casting summon nature's ally I:

"I drop-kick the octopus!"

Me, the Jedi: The Force can have a great influence on the weak-minded.

My brother, the Wookiee: Why do you look at me when you say that?

TWK

 

[Fouxfyre]

From a newbie gamer rolling up a palladin:
"It says here I can turn undead. Can I turn back?"

From a different newbie (who had played far to much diablo)
"What level do I have to be to use the broadsword?"

 

[sniffles]

Oh, this thread is priceless...
I'm going to have to look up more stuff at home later, but here are a few of my favorites:

GM: "Don't you want to touch the statue?" (of a really repellent creature with too many, um, male enhancements)
Player of rogue: "No! It's gross!"
GM: "Don't you want to take the golden nipple rings?"
Player of rogue: "It has golden nipple rings?!"

Player of gnome druid, after wild shaping into a bat: "I'm Batgnome!"
Same player: "I poop on them."

The GM was making odd hooting noises while looking up something in the DMG.
Player: "This has been a test of the emergency DM system. Had this been a real DM..."

Player (after encountering hobbits on skewers being cooked by ogres): "Shishkahobs!"
Same game (there was a theme of eating hobbits):
GM:"The hobbits have bears stitched into their jerkins."
Player: "Stitched into their jerky?"

While fighting a water elemental:
GM: "What do you do?"
Player: "Anyone have a straw?"

GM: "The goblins attack with wardrums."
Me: "How much damage do those do?"
GM: "Well, they're wardrums, so d4."
Me: "D3 for size."
Other player: "Snare drums do entangles."

Player: "Is that a Bissell dragon - it sucks things up?" (for those who don't know, Bissell is a brand of vacuum cleaner)

Me: "You do NOT want to play Post Office with a mind flayer!"

[Edit: thought of another one] Player of halfling with 4 Str: "I'm tired. These limbs are heavy."

And my current fave: my sig line. It was a quote from a fellow player to a GM who got all bent out of shape when we did something he hadn't anticipated.

 

[Synthetik Fish]

-The DM just finishes describing how a shadow passes over us, and we see a ship sailing across the sky.
Me: So it's just a normal flying ship?

 

[Meloncov]

To the leader of a group of bandits

"In the name of the newly self appointed government of this provence, your under arrest"

later, "It gives the whole thing an air of legitamacy doesn't it?"

Cleric: You mean to killing the bandid?

"No. To the new government. Looking after the public good and all."

 

[Luthien Greyspear]

Party is caught between assassins at their back, and newly risen Large earth elementals in front of them guarding the prize they seek. The kobold rogue, thinking only of his own hide, and not wanting to get hit by the large projectile weapons, says...

"I suck earth."

Pause.

Earth Elemental: "Destroy the intruders!...but save the kobold for later."