Funny in-game quotes

[Rel]

One of my all time favorites: "We're going to need a used chicken."

More recently my Half-Orc playing in the Whispering Woodwind had occasion to say, "There are murderous, flute-wielding arsonists about! This is no time for a nap! Now where's the liquor?"

 

[MarauderX]

As DM telling a PC monk that he has been charmed -

Me: You feel like she isn't a bad person at all...almost love...
PC: What? I hate her guts, her vile face repulses me...
Me: But you hate to love her as you do...
PC: No, I love to hate her!

 

[Murrdox]

(Last Night)

As the Player's 6th level double-axe wielding barbarian does a full attack on the 3rd level fighter NPC in front of him... reducing him from 24 hit points to -6 hit points in one round....

DM: Okay... and the fighter wishes that he had damage reduction right about...... now.

 

[Murrdox]

However, this is my all-time favorite quote from a game... it was in Mechwarrior.

After a barroom brawl that left 3 people dead, one of the players tries to "blend in" with the crowd, and get away from the scene. When the police catch up to him...

Police - "Did you kill that man?"

Player - "Which one?"

 

[The Forsaken One]

"Rent'A Lich"

Nuff said...

 

[Joshua Randall]

"Next time, toss me the magic dagger hilt first!"

 

[Samnell]

My bard asks a party mostly composed of dwarf clerics if he can stop for supplies before we go into the sewers after them. They ask if he's after healing potions and that sort of thing. He says:

"No. Sadly a trip into the sewers is likely to ruin my clothing. I'd much rather change it for something I wouldn't miss. Good performing clothes are rather expensive. Of course we must do something with my brother's body before we meddle with the sewers as well. I'm not just going to leave it in the street."

Comments of a kobold sorc who's spell thematics skew towards illusionary versions of himself, after trapping a mooncalf in an Otiluke's Resilient Sphere:

"That is my head. The halfling slayer is caught within."

"That is my head. It is very resilient. Nothing can penetrate it, but it can be dispelled."

"A noble effort, but one that is wasted. Nothing can penatrate my head."

"My head can not shrink."

 

[Enkhidu]

This was more of a sign instead of a quote:

[Sign attached to the side of a ship captured by the PCs; they had just captured it and the former crew are imprisoned in the ship's hold]

For Sale: Ship with crew.

[Same sign after 3 days, crew still in the hold.]

For Sale: Ship with crew - going fast!

 

[Desdichado]

Someone once told a story here about a wizard PC who was supposed to meet an NPC that he didn't trust. He was sitting in his room in the inn when the rest of the party entered with the NPC. The wizard PC, who was -- I suppose -- trying to be threatening, had a rod of fireballs out and ready to use if things went wrong. As he described it when the NPC walked in...

"I'm sitting on my bed glaring at him and polishing my rod."

 

[Rel]

Someone once told a story here about a wizard PC who was supposed to meet an NPC that he didn't trust. He was sitting in his room in the inn when the rest of the party entered with the NPC. The wizard PC, who was -- I suppose -- trying to be threatening, had a rod of fireballs out and ready to use if things went wrong. As he described it when the NPC walked in...

"I'm sitting on my bed glaring at him and polishing my rod."

It was me. It was Rolemaster. It was a Rod of Firebolts, not Fireballs.

To make matters worse, the character was a Halfling.

They still kid me about that.

"That's a mighty impressive Rod you've got, for a Halfling."