"Gamer's Gate" - New scifi/fantasy novel about table-top RPGers

[jscottgaribay]

I am a writer based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA and I believe my new novel is focused on a subject near and dear to EN World members hearts.

"Gamer's Gate" is a scifi/fantasy novel that explores an intriguing premise. What if the first and greatest roleplaying game, Blade & Bolt (B&B), was not actually a game, but instead a highly detailed encyclopedia of a real world. "Gamer's Gate" explores what happens when a college student leads his gaming group across a portal between earth and the game world, Thrycion. What happens when a gamer/drug dealer from Earth is given the chance to live the rest of his days as a paladin? What happens when an Evangelical Christian gamer is forced to reconcile the existence of a resurrection spell? What happens when table-top roleplaying geeks across America become highly sought after guides to the "new world", eagerly recruited by the governments and corporations of Earth? "Gamer's Gate" will answer all these questions and more.

My new novel is a first in book distribution. "Gamer's Gate" is the first myspace novel. "Gamer's Gate" is being distributed exclusively through the MySpace blog feature (making it completely free to anyone with access to an Internet browser).

The reason I am posting this message here is in hopes that EN World members, who are uniquely qualified to comment on the accuracy of the portrayal of table-top roleplaying gamers in fiction, will give me some feedback as the story progresses on if this book accurately portrays participants in their hobby.

"Gamer's Gate" is a 16 chapter novel that will be released one chapter per week. "Gamer's Gate" Chapter 01 dropped on 04/29/06 and the final "Gamer's Gate" Chapter 16 will be blogged on 08/12/06. You can begin reading "Gamer's Gate" at the link below.

http://blog.myspace.com/garibaywrite

 

[Steverooo]

Eh...

I read the first three chapters. The jumping back and forth between the past, present, & Thrycion is just annoying. If you want people to know who these characters are, and care about what's happening to them, then I think you're doing it wrong... Start at the beginning, and then tell the tale until you reach the end! I guess you're trying to NOT tell us that Trajon is Christa, and who Kinewyn is (Stephen, who rescued her dad, I assume), but - again - this jumping about is just irritating, to me.

Three RPGers, and a GM, and only ONE of them "thinks" to bring along weapons?!? GET REAL! More likely, they'd be so overloaded that they'd fall down the hill! The players also seem awfully stereotypically geeky. Most gamers I ever met aren't. Most gamers have jobs. All I can tell about these peole is that they can drive, so are apparently 16+. Are they in college, post-college, high school? No way to tell.

Stephen is an overweight asthmatic, who's afraid of girls? The rest of them we really don't know much of anything about, except what Max & Cynthia say in the car (which is more geeky than any gamer I've ever known). Not believable, to me!

So far, all we know is that, when they entered Thrycion, they were themselves, not their PCs. No word on how or why. I guess it will be revealed in flashbacks, but that will just annoy me more!

Eh... I think you have a tale worth telling (at least in the action parts), but the "real world" stuff is TOO stereotypical, to me, and off-putting. There are also too many typos, such as the castle that "baskes" in sunlight, for instance. In short, not bad, but it could do with a major re-write.

I hope you see this. I can't do anything over at Myspace!

 

[jester47]

Also the premise is not that original. I can't remember the titles off the top of my head, but there were a lot of these "the game is real" stories written in the early-mid 80's.

Granted, I am not writing a novel, you are.

As for the christian and the resurrection spell, thats easily done. Without starting a debate about it, there are multiple ressurrections in christian scripture. The important one is not unique, rather what is important in that situation is WHO ressurrected himself and why. Though if the character is written as someone that does not have a strong theological backing, such a spell might create a crisis of faith.

 

[Steverooo]

Also, as a nit-pick, at one point you say that Azor, the Golon Warrior, is 2,000#, while at another you call him two tons... talk about massive weight gain!

Then there's that scene in the car... What? These gamer heeks have infinite wealth, and absolutely no taste?!? They wait in line for any movie about Sci-Fi/Fantasy, and buy every new game? MOST RPGers have some sort of taste, and you couldn't find much agreement about, say, which Star Wars movie was the best, let alone which RPG! You asked for feedback on your representation of gamers, and it's too stereotypically geeky!

Also, your novel doesn't really set any date, as well as age. Not only don't we know how old these "kids" are, but we also don't know what year it is... In the present day, there is no shortage of Sci-Fantasy, either in RPGs or on film. Most gamers will be far more discriminating than your characters describe themselves as being. That might be less true, if the tale takes place in the 1970s to -80s.

Even the "fanboys" are fans of someone or something. Very few people (even geeks!) have no taste, at all!

 

[jscottgaribay]

Thank you, Steverooo, for your feedback. My takeaways from your comments are that I need to make it clearer that these roleplayers are the traditional 18 to 22 year old college student (too early in life to be in full time jobs, considering the pursuit of a Bachelors of some type). I am trying to tell a fast-paced story and that does sometimes get in the way of strong character development. Your comments lead me to believe that I need to watch this balance more closely.

I particularly appreciate the nit-pick parts about typos or fact errors in the novel. My editor, Brett Heller, is a great resource, but is merely human (until mecha robot-body upgrades are covered by HMO). I plan to release this "blook" as a print book about three month's after it is completed in August 2006, so these edits are quite valuable to me. Thanks again for your opinions.

 

[Steverooo]

Thanks again for your opinions.

You're welcome, and glad you got to see them (I wasn't sure of you'd ever check back here)!

A lot of character development (or establishment!) could get done in that one scene in the car... A few brief comments about "I didn't sleep on the sidewalk to see Star Wars! Stupid movie! And I don't buy just any old game that comes along, either!", for instance... It really doesn't take much more than that...

Good luck with your project/book!

 

[Steverooo]

In chapter eight, Derek can't shoot the Minotaur, as he has already handed the Glock off to Stephen. In chapter nine, Kinewyn employs a double negative, something like: "I do not believe that you world will not..."!

 

[KaosDevice]

Gamers going from the "real world" to a fantasy world, just off the top of my head:


-Andre Norton's 'Quag Keep' waaaay back in the very early 80's

-'The Realm', comic that came out at the end of the 80's

I'm sure there are more examples out there with just a bit of searching.

 

[ShadowDenizen]

Add Joel Rosenberg's "Guardians of the Flame" series to that list. And that's a (relatively) high standard to live up to, even though I'm not a huge fan of the "Real People Transported to a Game World" subgenre.

But, on to subject at hand-- Your "Blook". (Sorry for the delay: I've been meaning to post this for awhile and am just now getting to it!

First, let me wish you the best of luck. Honestly, I think you porbably have a tale worth telling, that people could enjoy.

Personally, though, I found it a bit pedestrian. (I'm not gonna sugar-coat my comments, since constructive criticism is the best way to grow in your writing-- and I learned that the hard way, as a writer myself!)

The inital setup doesn't quite work the way I think you wanted it to. It didn't really "grab" me right off the bat. There's such a glut of reading material out there, both online and in-print, that something REALLY has to grab and make an impression on me in order to keep me reading. Stylistically, the intercutting of scenes didn't really add so much as confuse, IMHO: I agree with the poster who said to start from the beginning, and progress from there.

y takeaways from your comments are that I need to make it clearer that these roleplayers are the traditional 18 to 22 year old college student (too early in life to be in full time jobs, considering the pursuit of a Bachelors of some type). I am trying to tell a fast-paced story and that does sometimes get in the way of strong character development. Your comments lead me to believe that I need to watch this balance more closely.

I think that the charcters were sorely underdeveloped, and that's a fatal flaw, especially in this genre. The readers HAVE to have strong feelings about the characters, or they won't become emotionally invested in the story. Not only were the characters not fleshed out enough, they were sterotypically geeky: I can understand maybe one of the protaganists being like that, but all of them (or at least that's the imopression I got)?

A few more descriptive lines to at least set their ages and the time-period we're talking about also would have been warranted I think (Easily solved by dropping some pop-culture references or some-such thing), and maybe a few lines in the car scene to give them distinct personalites, flaws or foibles.

And, (though this may be wishful thinking on my part) why not iclude a gay character? AFAIK, that's something that hasn't been done in this subgenre, and (as a gay gamer myself), I'd be interested in seeing how the mores of this fantasy world differ from (or maybe mirror?) that of the real world?

In chapter nine, Kinewyn employs a double negative, something like: "I do not believe that you world will not..."!

I'm normally a grammar stickler, for the most part, but in a book like this, I think that capturing the way these people talk is paramount, so if the CHARACTER would say something like that when speaking, the rules of grammar can be overridden for "authenticity".

I'll try to give more specific nit-picks and critiques if you like (including a largish list of typos), but I just wanted to give my overall "first impression" of what I've read so far: I hope these comments prove useful, and again, best of luck.

 

[Steverooo]

Time Troubles

Also, in chapter eight or nine, you have TWO scenes, apparently with hours between, both of which are labeled "SEVEN HOURS AFTER FOOTFALL". Now, not only is "FOOTFALL" never defined (when the PCs first set foot on Thrycion?), but Stephen goes to sleep (presumably for eight hours), and it is STILL seven hours after FOOTFALL when he reawakens?