hellbender
First Post
Wayside said:
Two words: Pyramid Hefeweizen.
Come on up! With a beer like that, who could not like this guy?
hellbender
Gamers who want to date gamers
- Thread starter Romus
- Start date
Come on up! With a beer like that, who could not like this guy?
hellbender
Wayside said:
At least you come by your intellectual snobbery honestly.
But honestly, for someone very adamant about how everyone has missed the point, why is it that you want to attribute more stridency to the "we'd like to have some common interests" position than the original authors? I mean, what about seeking out someone with whom you have common interests is such a ridiculous and offensive idea to you that you think anybody that holds such a view is some sort of misbegotten aberrant freak that needs to spend more time with record-store clerk trendy music, contemporary philosophy, and mediocre 19th century poets (just my cheap shot at Arnold, nothing personal
)?Dr. Strangemonkey
First Post
Yeah, there's something really souldamaging about living in a place that's easy to love.
Or at least, it seems to be really hurtful for those who have to go from somplace easy to love to a land of greater difficulties. So many many unhappy English professors in my state.
Or at least, it seems to be really hurtful for those who have to go from somplace easy to love to a land of greater difficulties. So many many unhappy English professors in my state.
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This has been interesting to read. For my own 2 cents (coppers, electrum..) I met my wife online (gasp!..) Yes it does work! The ironic part is I went to the world wide web to find a woman who lived only 3 miles away from me! The thing is I was up front about my gaming interests, sports, music..etc. right away. If you explain what gaining really is (a group of people sharing a game around a table while eating munchies and drinking beer or pop) it really isn't that bizarre. She had only heard the horror stories and urban legends surrounding D&D and had no idea of the reality of the game. When I explained it all and she saw a game being played, she was in the "what's the big deal" crowd.
She personally has no interest in playing the game (I've asked), but she is very supportive of my gaming pastime. She even makes the munchies for our group! We have other compatible interests together (both Christian for example) and very similar moral beliefs and lifestyles. I cherrish the time I spend with her doing things we both enjoy (sports, films, whatever), but having the time a part is very important too. This is the point I want to make. Keep your options open when looking for a potential partner. I use to date a girl who did like fantasy novels and gaming, and I thought we were in love (we weren't). If she hadn't dumped me I never would have met my wife (a non gamer) and discovered all I had been missing in my life and being truly happy! So hang in ther and good luck! It will happen to you eventually!
Best regards,
Draxx
She personally has no interest in playing the game (I've asked), but she is very supportive of my gaming pastime. She even makes the munchies for our group! We have other compatible interests together (both Christian for example) and very similar moral beliefs and lifestyles. I cherrish the time I spend with her doing things we both enjoy (sports, films, whatever), but having the time a part is very important too. This is the point I want to make. Keep your options open when looking for a potential partner. I use to date a girl who did like fantasy novels and gaming, and I thought we were in love (we weren't). If she hadn't dumped me I never would have met my wife (a non gamer) and discovered all I had been missing in my life and being truly happy! So hang in ther and good luck! It will happen to you eventually!
Best regards,
Draxx
Perhaps I can try for some kind of synthesis here. It seems to me that one can view seeking out other gamers in one of two ways: (a) as a criterion; or (b) as a strategy.
It seems to me that there is an absolute consensus that treating gaming as a criterion for a relationship is silly, immature and unproductive. All that is really under discussion is the idea of utilizing a shared interest in gaming as a strategy for finding a mate. It seems to me that as a dating strategy, seeking out another gamer has the following advantages:
1. a guarantee of at least one common interest or hobby
2. the probability of several related interests (fantasy and sci fi literature, history, geek culture)
3. the probability of a higher degree of tolerance for social eccentricities
It seems that there are also some down sides:
1. the high male to female ratio in the gaming community reducing the efficiency of the strategy (unless one is a gay male)
2. the probability of a below average level of social functioning in mainstream environments
3. the probability of an above average level of self-loathing
To me, it seems that there is little difference between this and meeting a potential partner through any other shared interest, including 19th century English poetry or mutual study of Victorian and modern American and continental philosophy.
Generally, my view is that an interest-based dating strategy, regardless of the interest on which the strategy is based, is an inefficient one. In my view, having mutual acquaintances or regular contact is somewhat more efficient because these things overcome two key handicaps in dating: (a) lack of mutual trust/rapport, (b) incompatible styles of socializing.
It seems to me that there is an absolute consensus that treating gaming as a criterion for a relationship is silly, immature and unproductive. All that is really under discussion is the idea of utilizing a shared interest in gaming as a strategy for finding a mate. It seems to me that as a dating strategy, seeking out another gamer has the following advantages:
1. a guarantee of at least one common interest or hobby
2. the probability of several related interests (fantasy and sci fi literature, history, geek culture)
3. the probability of a higher degree of tolerance for social eccentricities
It seems that there are also some down sides:
1. the high male to female ratio in the gaming community reducing the efficiency of the strategy (unless one is a gay male)
2. the probability of a below average level of social functioning in mainstream environments
3. the probability of an above average level of self-loathing
To me, it seems that there is little difference between this and meeting a potential partner through any other shared interest, including 19th century English poetry or mutual study of Victorian and modern American and continental philosophy.
Generally, my view is that an interest-based dating strategy, regardless of the interest on which the strategy is based, is an inefficient one. In my view, having mutual acquaintances or regular contact is somewhat more efficient because these things overcome two key handicaps in dating: (a) lack of mutual trust/rapport, (b) incompatible styles of socializing.
(b) incompatible styles of socializing.
Well, I don't know if this is a big issue. In my situation, my fiancee is definately more shy then I. It doesn't affect much, but of course how much it affects a relationship is based on the other partner and how much it bothers them. I guess such relative things are really impossible to judge as "right" or "wrong".
Which brings me to the point that looking for a common interest in your partner isn't right or wrong, it's simply a matter of personal taste. How can it possibly be bad to like one thing and not another? Attraction and relationships aren't a science that can be broken down into easy pieces. It's all ephimeral and utterly reletive to each individual.
Well, I don't know if this is a big issue. In my situation, my fiancee is definately more shy then I. It doesn't affect much, but of course how much it affects a relationship is based on the other partner and how much it bothers them. I guess such relative things are really impossible to judge as "right" or "wrong".
Which brings me to the point that looking for a common interest in your partner isn't right or wrong, it's simply a matter of personal taste. How can it possibly be bad to like one thing and not another? Attraction and relationships aren't a science that can be broken down into easy pieces. It's all ephimeral and utterly reletive to each individual.
This has been an interesting thread to read, with lots of sweet anecdotes of how people met their SOs, and/or began gaming, that I've really enjoyed. I also love the info for how and where to meet girls with fantasy interests. As a gamer girl I think most of the advice is right on.
I have a question for those following this thread though. Do you think that the BoEF (the Valterra product) will help or hinder gamers seeking gamers for more than gaming?
I have a question for those following this thread though. Do you think that the BoEF (the Valterra product) will help or hinder gamers seeking gamers for more than gaming?
Responses to this question may require another thread. However, I'll take a crack at it here: there is not a doubt in my mind that the Valterra product will hinder these efforts in games in which it is used. Although I can think of many reasons for this, I'll limit myself to stating one off the bat:
RPGs are focused on violence because violence is something in which we do not get to engage in our everyday lives. Similarly, magic is something we simply cannot do in our everyday lives. I've found that since leaving politics, I am more likely to do political stuff in games. The fact is that psychologically, games are used as an outlet for those things we cannot do in real life because they are too difficult, inconvenient or socially unacceptable.
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