I'm still mostly in the closet about being a gamer. I don't hide the fact that I play but I don't go out of my way to advertise it (my gaming books are in plain sight on the bookcase at home). When meeting people I might tell people that I play lacrosse but I won't mention D&D. If I know or get the impression that someone is a gamer I might out myself but otherwise I keep it to myself. I think half the problem is I don't really know how to talk about it without it seeming really childish and/or strange. The other part of the problem is the stereotypes and associations that people think of when you tell them you play D&D. A lot of people know of D&D and have automatic assumptions when you mention it.
My family and my wife's family know that I play as well as my friends, my wife's friends and our neighbours (they asked why there were 4 cars parked out the front of my house every second Wednesday night). None of the guys on my lacrosse team (that I've been in for 5 years) know I play and neither do my work colleagues.
Reactions of people who know/found out that I play D&D have been mixed. My wife thinks it's a bit nerdy and isn't remotely interested in playing but doesn't mind me having 5 people over every second week to play. She like to (playfully) insult me by calling me a nerd. I just tell her "Ha, ha, you married a nerd!"
I didn't tell her I played D&D when we first started dating but my gaming books were on my bookcase in my room. I don't really know how I explained to her what it is.
My best friend (who has never played any sort of RPG's) just thinks of it as another hobby. It's just the same as me watching football or playing video games to him. My sister (who is 23, I'm 27) likes to mock me about D&D, saying things like "I AM THE DUNGEON MASTER" in a mysterious voice. I think she thinks of it as something that 15 year olds play. She seems to like telling the guys she dates that I play D&D as if it is something embarrassing she has over me. I don't mind too much as I'm not really embarrassed by what she does and I want to be more open about the fact that I'm a gamer anyway. Who knows, one day I may get lucky and find out one of them is a gamer too!
I'm pretty sure my parents think that D&D is a bit strange. It probably didn't help that some of the people I played with when I was a teenager/early 20's were more than a little odd. My in-laws probably think it is a little odd as well. They've asked a couple of times what exactly D&D is but I haven't been able to explain it very well. My father-in-law was a little confused in that it was a game that we played so frequently and for so long (4 hour sessions). He also didn't seem to understand that there wasn't really a "winner" as such.
When I used to read White Dwarf (the GW magazine) at university from time to time one of my uni friends (a female) would refer to it as "demon porn". She didn't think there was anything satanic about it but some of the pictures did features demons and the like. I don't know where the porn came into it though! I managed to convince one of my other uni friends who liked reading fantasy novels to play a couple of sessions in a 3E game I was running but I don't think she found it all that interesting.
None of my work colleagues know I play. One of them knows that I like Games Workshop games (his two sons are into Warhammer 40K) so we chat about that from time to time but he doesn't know I play D&D. I don't really want to advertise it at work as I am sure there will be immediate.
On an amusing note, I remember a previous thread like this on EN World where one poster said he was open to all about the fact that he was gay but in the closet about the fact he played D&D!
Olaf the Stout