Tokiwong said:
Mark
“Anyway dude, she is waiting for you, at her room, and I don’t even know what she is wearing she wouldn’t tell me. She has a mind of her own,” he winks, “talk to you later. Have fun tonight, but not too much. Oh hell cut loose!” The message blips out, and the monitor returned to normal.
She's really psyched? Guess Tommy could probably program that. Mark nervously looked at himself in the mirror again and tucked in his shirt a little more. Then he rolled his shoulders and promptly pulled it right back to where it was before.
"She's going to want me to dance?" Mark groaned. He didn't know how to dance. And he forgot to get her flowers like Tommy suggested too and it was too late now.
This sucks. My first date and it's not even with a real girl and I already screwed it up Mark's hands started to shake and he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think about how the water flowed over his body when he was swimming. He almost undressed and went to do a few quick laps, but then he'd be late or have to go wet.
Mark pictured himself showing up dripping wet in his swimsuit with Star on his arm and forced out a smile.
"Ok ok. Stop being a freak. Not going to puke. Not puking. No puking. Mark repeated a bit desperately to himself.
Wet thoughts. Wet thoughts. A week's worth of pent-up nerves wouldn't be so easily dismissed, especially not by mantras that only worked some of the time anyway.
Mark undid the top two buttons of his shirt, fingers blurring, and pulled it off over his head. He careened into the bathroom and caught himself on the rim of the toilet seat sure he was about to see his lunch again. He hung on to the seat and his hair flopped forward like it always did. He looked at his reflection and saw thick bags under his glassy eyes.
Mark had dirt on his face and a split lip with a growing bead of blood on it. After a moment what he saw registered and he hurled himself back from the toilet, knocking against the sink and hitting his head on the wall behind him. He slumped back to the floor and saw the track marks on his arms.
Not real. This isn't real. This isn't me. It's not real. It's not real. Pants. I'm wearing the pants I bought for the dance with the money I got from- Where did I get money? I stole the pants from- No. I. Bought. The. Pants. Get. A. Grip. Just need some- Mark kicked the toilet, hard.
"This isn't real. I'm seeing things," he told himself firmly and hauled himself up off the floor.
"And I'm not having a stupid panic attack like I never went a day without getting high." Why isn't this working? I did detox and rehab. I haven't had anything in six months, two weeks, and four days. I shouldn't still be having cravings like this every time I get nervous about something.
Mark took a step over to the sink and held himself up on it, one hand slipping into the water where his swimsuit was soaking. He fished it out and saw the scars were gone from the hand and arm holding it.
Alright. That's better. This is me. I swim and I'm an elite and they want me to lead Legacy and I have friends who don't just get stoned with me and I have a date and it's in two hours and there's a dance and I have a shirt and money of my own and I really need to get ready.
Looking at his reflection in the mirror above the sink, Mark decided he was still missing something. He wanted to look neat, not like the dirty, strung-out thing he saw in the toilet water. He ran water over his hands and tried to slick his hair back. Some of it stayed but most fell right back over his forehead. Mark grabbed a comb and tried again with that. He made progress and dug one-handedly around until he found one of the things he'd never touched in the package of toiletries the Institute gave out: a little travel sized can of hair spray.
The stuff stank and made Mark cough, but he finally got his hair neatly plastered down to his skull with the longer stuff in back going down his neck just a little. There. Now he looked better. Mark unbuttoned the rest of his shirt so he wouldn't mess up his carefully attended to hair and put it back on, buttoning even the top button he found uncomfortable before.
Another trip to the mirror on his closet door. Now he looked good. He felt a lot better than he did half an hour ago too. He made a note on his computer to buy some hair gell and added a few more shirts like the one he wore to his shopping list with some more running and swimming gear for the next time he got to the mall. With an hour and a half to kill yet, Mark admired his cleancut reflection again and decided Star would like it. He got directions from SARAH and sought out her room.
Mark had cold feet again outside the door and lightly patted his head to make sure his hair was in place where he'd combed and sprayed it, straightened his purple collar, and knocked.
"Star? It's me. Uh, I'm sorry I'm early but I thought we could talk a little before the dance."