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GM DESCRIPTION: NARRATION OR CONVERSATION?
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<blockquote data-quote="pemerton" data-source="post: 7624907" data-attributes="member: 42582"><p>But isn't that because the guest bedroom will look different from a currently occupied one. How can you tell that it was <em>once</em> a guest bedroom - rather than, say, an abandoned main bedroom? (I'm putting to one side the anachronism of projecting relatively modern architectural conceptions back into a house in the Greyhawk setting.)</p><p></p><p></p><p>My first example changes word order and verb constructions and substitutes an adjective ("run down") for an adverb ("once"). My second example replaces an impersonal, nominalised construction with an active voice sentence. My third example replaces an adjective ("worm-ridden") with a syntactically more complex phrase ("seem to be termites in the timber"). My fourth example substitutes active for passive voice.</p><p></p><p>I don't think it's accurate to say that I didn't change any word order and only changed vocabulary.</p><p></p><p>Just look at the first example. <em>Rubbish is scattered around what was once a fine guest bedroom</em> leads with a main clause ("rubbish is scattered about") that is, as far as information is concerned, of secondary interest. The clause <em>what was once a fine guest bedroom</em> is the main information-bearing clause from the point of view of describing what's there. The mismatch between syntactic structure and informational structure is a stylistic device. My contrasting formulation - <em>it's a run-down bedroom with rubbish scattered about</em> - aligns the syntax with the information: the syntactically main clause is also the main information-bearing clause, while the bit about <em>rubbish</em> is reduced to an adjectival phrase. It's that, not the extremely modest vocabulary change (ie my example replaces <em>was once fine</em> with <em>is run down</em> and drops the "guest" because I don't see how the past use of a bedroom as a guest bedroom is knowable by mere visual inspection), that makes my reworking less "narrative" and more conversational.</p><p></p><p>The analysis I've just offered might also be relevant to the ongoing exchange between [MENTION=48965]Imaro[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5142]Aldarc[/MENTION] (? I think, haven't gone back to check) about what a conversational style might actually look like.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pemerton, post: 7624907, member: 42582"] But isn't that because the guest bedroom will look different from a currently occupied one. How can you tell that it was [I]once[/I] a guest bedroom - rather than, say, an abandoned main bedroom? (I'm putting to one side the anachronism of projecting relatively modern architectural conceptions back into a house in the Greyhawk setting.) My first example changes word order and verb constructions and substitutes an adjective ("run down") for an adverb ("once"). My second example replaces an impersonal, nominalised construction with an active voice sentence. My third example replaces an adjective ("worm-ridden") with a syntactically more complex phrase ("seem to be termites in the timber"). My fourth example substitutes active for passive voice. I don't think it's accurate to say that I didn't change any word order and only changed vocabulary. Just look at the first example. [I]Rubbish is scattered around what was once a fine guest bedroom[/I] leads with a main clause ("rubbish is scattered about") that is, as far as information is concerned, of secondary interest. The clause [I]what was once a fine guest bedroom[/I] is the main information-bearing clause from the point of view of describing what's there. The mismatch between syntactic structure and informational structure is a stylistic device. My contrasting formulation - [I]it's a run-down bedroom with rubbish scattered about[/I] - aligns the syntax with the information: the syntactically main clause is also the main information-bearing clause, while the bit about [I]rubbish[/I] is reduced to an adjectival phrase. It's that, not the extremely modest vocabulary change (ie my example replaces [I]was once fine[/I] with [I]is run down[/I] and drops the "guest" because I don't see how the past use of a bedroom as a guest bedroom is knowable by mere visual inspection), that makes my reworking less "narrative" and more conversational. The analysis I've just offered might also be relevant to the ongoing exchange between [MENTION=48965]Imaro[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5142]Aldarc[/MENTION] (? I think, haven't gone back to check) about what a conversational style might actually look like. [/QUOTE]
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