Haiku spell names

[Halivar]

Last session, our DM expressed his desire for us to start renaming our spells. He felt that going stock like we were was ruining the atmostphere of the game. One suggestion was renaming magic missile to Goobrilak's Vengeful Luminescence. A better idea, I said, would be to name them a la martial arts moves. Thus, magic missile becomes dragon lights floating on a pond of rose moolight on a warm summer night. Naturally, we transitioned into renaming spells as haikus.

So begins my exhaustive, though certainly not systematic, attempt at renaming all D&D spells as haikus. Please contribute where you feel led.

Magic missile
The pretty lights hurt
But only 'til CR five
The bad guys then laugh

Boar's strength
I used to be bad
I now fight with a Nerf gun
I blame 3.5

Scry
He thought he was smart
I ruined his cool plot twist
Let's screw the DM

Fly
I used to cast this
We all got Wings of Flying
What a waste of ink

Freedom of movement
I jumped off the boat
Stupid DM says I sink
Falling damage sucks

Plane shift
Dude, this campaign stinks
Let's drop it and go to hell
Pick up succubi

Mirror image
Hah! Which one am I?
You keep hitting the wrong one
Are you casting Chain--

Raise dead
The tank died again
No time for Resurrection
'Cuz we're still fighting

Cure critical wounds
Sorry you're dying
I'd help, but I already
cast Death ward instead

 

[Dogbrain]

Fireball
Chrysanthemums bloom.
A summer sun teaches us:
All life is fleeting.

 

[Demmero]

Tasha's Hideous Laughter

A drinking victim
Tasha's Hideous Laughter
Milk shoots out his nose.

 

[Herpes Cineplex]

Summon Nature's Ally III
What's that guy casting?
Dire weasel rips my flesh
Man, I hate druids

Permanency
This is so awesome
my best spells will never end
...no dispelling, please

Feeblemind
What? How could this be
only a fifth level spell?
Wizards wet themselves.

Secret Page
I'll never cast this,
but I want a Blessed Book;
now I can make one!

Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion
They called me a nerd
but this house kicks major ass
and they can't get in

Water Breathing
I swear I would have
learned this spell if I had known
we would need *GLUB* *GLUB*

--
i killed robert frost and took his stuff
ryan

 

[Feathercircle]

Animate Dead
It's an [Evil] spell?
But my horde of skeletons
Wouldn't hurt a fly!

Prestidigitation
Most versatile spell
And it's only a cantrip
Don't leave without it

 

[Halivar]

Comprehend languages
I sprick, but no one
groks my flargleschmittenheim
I should have frotzed Tongues

 

[Evilhalfling]

Shield

Shields up captain,
now it points all directions
still only minutes