Hardest lesson to learn as a DM / GM?

[Kabluey]

Two lessons:
1) The players don't know what's in your notes. Don't be afraid to change things on the fly, including the adventure, monster stats, rewards, etc.

2) You're playing the game too; you're there to have fun also. If you aren't, then do what you need to to start having fun. And a fun campaign isn't just a responsibility of the DM, the players are responsible too.

 

[Umbran]

Two lessons:
1) The players don't know what's in your notes. Don't be afraid to change things on the fly, including the adventure, monster stats, rewards, etc.

A variant of this. I used to spend huge amounts of time doing game prep, down to minute detail of each monster and NPC (in any game system I was running, not just D&D). It took a long, long time for me to realize that the players generally did not notice, or care, about the level of detail in my prep - that my rough sketches of encounters were just as good from their point of view, and that the extra detail tended to force me into lines of thought, while having rough sketches left me more open to allowing the players to do cool stuff they thought of in the heat of the moment.

 

[pdwmartin]

A good group is worth its weight in gold - my current group has a great dynamic and they are all comfortable with my GMing quirks (usually!). Over the 10 years or so we have been playing regularly (only 2 of the players have been playing that long - another joined about 3 years ago, and the other about 6 months ago), we have become adept at sifting out players who don't fit the group.

If the players know you are trying your best, they will forgive a lot ;-).

 

[pogre]

My players do not care about background, fluff, etc. They want action. They're also not going to have PC driven agendas - they actually prefer to be led around a bit. They are very cooperative and a great group, but just play the game much differently than I would. Knowing my players and what they want versus what they should want for a "quality" gaming experience. I just had to let go of my personal bias and baggage.

 

[Hand of Evil]

Learning that the game is not about Players VS the DM but Players VS the story run/created/presented by the DM. The DM can't take it personal, they are a neutral party.

 

[amerigoV]

One item for me is how to faciliate the action to make the PCs actions even more cool. I hammer PCs like a penny nail in combat, but when an idea comes up or a roll is awesome, I have to break out of that and make the scene awesome for them. I want the BBEG to be one nasty MoFo that the players hate/dread/scared of, then I want to celebrate with the players when they final take him down in a cool way.

That can be hard sometimes - its too easy to fall into "making things challenging" vs. "making things interesting and fun".

 

[Ahnehnois]

For me, probably the hardest thing was learning to put my foot down on the players. It's hard to have that responsibility, and it's hard to say no to your friends, but sometimes, no is the right thing to say.

 

[JamesonCourage]

Hardest lesson, huh? Hmm... I'm not sure, but the right mix of "being in charge" and "we're all friends" while running things. While we're all good friends who've known each other for years, I had to balance being "in charge" with that. That is, I'm responsible for pacing, for moving the game along, for running the game, spurring the slower players (or usually, more thoughtful), and the like. It took me a long time to not get all... boss-like, about it. But I'm better now.

1) Learning how to best deal with problem players.
2) Admitting defeat with regards to trying to fit a square peg (problem player) in a round hole (a group with good chemistry and a coherent creative agenda).
3) Adeptly and gracefully dismissing said problem player with the least amount of hurt feelings possible.

Can't XP, but this is a tough one that I don't have mastered (not much experience). It feels even worse for me when that one guy isn't even that much of a "problem player" in the normal sense, he just doesn't really fit into the group (I've had a player that was a good friend of my brother, but he was just too quiet/passive to really fit into our game). Hard dealing with this kind of situation with grace, from my limited experience. As always, play what you like

A variant of this. I used to spend huge amounts of time doing game prep, down to minute detail of each monster and NPC (in any game system I was running, not just D&D). It took a long, long time for me to realize that the players generally did not notice, or care, about the level of detail in my prep - that my rough sketches of encounters were just as good from their point of view, and that the extra detail tended to force me into lines of thought, while having rough sketches left me more open to allowing the players to do cool stuff they thought of in the heat of the moment.

Most of the time, I don't even have encounters prepared (I just wing almost everything), and my players certainly don't seem to mind at all. However, every once in a while, I'll write up creatures, including a weakness or something, and let them look at the sheet afterwards. A couple of times they've found the weakness and used it (once was almost a complete guess), and man did they feel proud of themselves for getting through the encounter. So, I sometimes like to write stuff out, just so that they know how well they did, but most of the time, yeah, it doesn't turn out much different than if I just made it up as I went along. As always, play what you like

 

[Oryan77]

My biggest lesson would probably be to not DM for someone that I don't enjoy DMing.

Other notable lessons that I learned would be:

We're getting older. The way I ran a game as a young adult simply doesn't work later in life. More responsibilities means less time to game. Less time to game means that things need to move at a faster pace and be more focused. If not, then everyone forgets content, gets confused, & becomes bored of the campaign.

Know your rules, but don't let the rules dictate every single action. If it will make a player feel heroic & look cool, and there isn't any real advantage or negative side effect if they "get away" with it, then just let it happen even if he doesn't really have the best skill roll to accomplish it.

Don't argue. State your case and move the game along.

 

[Vyvyan Basterd]

We're getting older. The way I ran a game as a young adult simply doesn't work later in life. More responsibilities means less time to game. Less time to game means that things need to move at a faster pace and be more focused. If not, then everyone forgets content, gets confused, & becomes bored of the campaign.

I think I'm dealing with this now. Hopefully my new campaign will add this to my "learned" list.