Hardest lesson to learn as a DM / GM?

[Storminator]

Other notable lessons that I learned would be:

We're getting older. The way I ran a game as a young adult simply doesn't work later in life. More responsibilities means less time to game. Less time to game means that things need to move at a faster pace and be more focused. If not, then everyone forgets content, gets confused, & becomes bored of the campaign.

I've come to this realization too. I also only game once a month (stupid adult schedules . . . ) so I have no expectation that the players will remember important points. I just repeat them again, sometimes make connections if I think a PC would have, and lay things out.

But that's not my Hardest Lesson. Mine is "don't interrupt." I used to pace my DMing like: PC1, DM, PC2, DM, PC3, DM, PC4, DM, PC1 . . . I felt I had to respond to everything everyone did. But the best RP bits are player to player, so sit back and let it happen!

PS

 

[DnD_Dad]

The hardest lesson is that your story is never going to happen they way you want it and players are going to do stuff you will never think of. You got to be flexible and spontaneous, an you got to keep the game going no matter what they throw at you.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

I'm sure I'll think of something else, but I think one of mine was 'don't sweat the small stuff'. So what if you forgot an ability that a monster had that should have seen it escape the combat. The combat is over, forget about it.

You accidentally added up the to-hit bonus on your NPC baddie wrong and he hit once when he shouldn't have. Did anyone die as a result? No? Then it doesn't matter.

Did you get mixed up and tell the party the barkeep was called Grondil, when actually that's the name of the BBEG that they haven't heard yet? Who cares. Now the BBEG is called Fermin instead.

All of this stuff is especially true when the players don't know about it.

Now if you TPK the party because the save DC on some monster ability was 5 higher then it was meant to be, you might want to have a 'do-over' or come up with some other outcome than simply having the party die. However, those situations are pretty rare and most of the time you should be fine to just go with it. Generally the players will never even know that you messed something up.

Olaf the Stout

 

[DanotheSlender]

Don't railroad them, don't babysit them, be tough but fair. Let them wander a bit, toss the occasional random encounter at them, let them use their minds and imagination to fuel their adventure in your world. Don't be afraid to go off script. Don't be afraid to challenge the players with the unexpected. Above all...have fun with your game, if you aren't having fun it's a good bet that your players aren't either.

Game On!!

 

[Gold Roger]

I think the hardest lesson is "read your players", because you can't ever just cross as learned and move, you can only get better.

By this I mean the neccesarity of knowing your players expectations and preferences and building a coherent game from them and your own ideas. Even when you play with the same people for years, know them well out of game, and your group is homogenic in playstyle, people always change ever so slightly and might not even notice their own expectations changed. Sure you can just ask your players what they want, but the image you get is, in my experience, incomplete and momentary at best. It can help with, but never replace, understanding the people at your table.

And that's the hard part. Understanding people isn't easy, even for a social genius. I guess realising that you constantly need to think about the people you play with at all, is one of the toughest lessons a new DM has to learn.

 

[Ahnehnois]

We're getting older. The way I ran a game as a young adult simply doesn't work later in life. More responsibilities means less time to game. Less time to game means that things need to move at a faster pace and be more focused. If not, then everyone forgets content, gets confused, & becomes bored of the campaign.

I went through that too. If I could go back in time and show my high school self how much it's possible to get done in four hours, I think teenage-me's head would have exploded.

 

[Dragoslav]

I just GM'ed for the first time a couple nights ago. Lessons taken away:

Although you've gone over the scenario hundreds of times in your head, your players have no idea what's going on. These has two important implications that can be hard to keep in mind as a new (and dreadfully insecure) GM.

1) Your players need description. Since you already have the perfect mental image emblazoned in your mind, it can be easy to forget to explain the details of the awesome/horrifying place that the players have just walked into so that your players have access to that as well. So when you ask, "What do you do?" they counter with, "I dunno, where are we?"

2) Your players don't know what's going on behind the screen or in your notes. This means that you have free reign to screw something up, forget to include something, or otherwise do something completely different than what is written in your notes. To your players, it's all the same -- none of them are going to pop up saying, "Nuh-uh! That's not what's supposed to happen next!"

 

[Wild Gazebo]

Learning to watch and listen.

So many people think they have it figured out. There are a lot of little daily assumptions we make about major and minor aspects of life that we spend no real time or thought on. Great authors, artists, and directors are observers of humanity in such a profound way that they make the mundane seem magical: this is the bread and butter of good GMing. It is not about style or system: that will fall into place once you have truly listened to the PCs and watch how they act and react. This is harder than it sounds, I--like so many other GMs--love my little worlds, and the little things that happen in my little worlds; but, it is all for not if you don't see the reality of friends sitting around the table.

 

[adembroski]

The Players must love the game, but I must love the world.

This is the most important lesson I ever learned. I DM'd for a long time "by the book", allowing any and all official content for fear of my players being dissatisfied with their choices. Over time, it wore on me, for two reasons; 1st, there was no way for me to keep a cohesive narrative (narrative does not mean plot or story!) when I never knew what my players would pull out of what random splatbook next, and 2nd, I didn't care for the world. Uber-fantasy, ala Forgotten Realms or Eberron doesn't interest me in the least.

Finally I decided to design a homebrew campaign; a fantasy version of sub-Roman Britain and a dark ages take on Arthurian legend. I set house rule restrictions on about every area of the game; technology was restricted to 6th century arms and armor, magical items were limited, spell lists were cut back. I went a bit too far to be honest, but we made adjustments as the campaign went on and in the end, every one of my players proclaimed it the best campaign they'd played in.

Mostly, it was because I was running the world I wanted to run. The players will adjust to your world, even if they do whine at first. If you provide the best game that the setting you love can provide, they wont care that the setting isn't their preference because they'll be engrossed in your setting.

This of course requires the disclaimer that I did not rule things out for the sake of ruling them out, and I of course listened to my players vision of where they wanted to take their characters. We found compromises that fit the campaign, found alternatives that fit genre conventions. I think that back and forth with my players did me more good than anything else. I was not only more familiar with my world and the characters in it, but also the players controlling those characters.

 

[howandwhy99]

• Never, ever, ever tell the players the rules behind the screen.

I believe this is easily the most difficult for a new DM, because the jubilation from a new game can be so high at times we simply want to reveal something, anything, about what's going on behind the screen. But you can't. It's absolutely vital that we don't or the game stops being about the game and now about badgering you. "What would have happened if we opened the chest?" "Is Sjt. Horatio really on our side?" And so on. You can't tell them the answers from behind the screen without destroying everything about the game. So just shore up, keep a poker face, and let them know the players are encouraged to discuss anything with each other, but you can't be a part of it. They're the team, you're the ref.

• Know your rules inside and out.

This goes without saying. If you're going to run a code breaking game, you want to practice sticking to it.

• Prepare only what you need to for each session before each session.

Sessions only last so long, so you only ever need the material the players have a reasonable chance of engaging with for each session's scenario. Don't over prepare, but don't fail to prepare either. Learning what's about right for each group is an ongoing process.

• Let your players play the game, don't play it for them.

This goes along with the first idea. It comes down to not directing your players, but allowing them to direct you. If they aren't taking actions to reveal more about the world, then don't supply that info. Check for clarity, that you're getting your message across, but do not initiate actions for the players/characters.

• Being a fair, trustworthy, and impartial DM doesn't mean you can't root for the players.

You can be objective with the game material, but still want the players to succeed. There's a fashion going around about enjoying your players' losses, but those should be out of your hands. ~edit and up to the inductions of the players to even consider them so.

• Don't be afraid of dead air. Let the players take the initiative unless the timeline says otherwise.

Again this goes with letting the players play, but sometimes that means just sitting there and staring back at them while waiting. This is a great technique as it not only puts them in the driver's seat, but if they don't do anything for long enough, it's inevitably to their detriment as challenges come up in the timeline. Also, sooner or later the casual player will become proactive as they see they have the final word in their character's actions. Afford them the opportunity to do so just as any time in the game when multiple callers are used.