Help me kill my DM!

[Kzach]

I need help.

Tomorrow I play in my first 4e game. Not only is it my first 4e game, but it's the first time I've been in a game in about three years. Not only is the first time I've been in a game in three years, it's the first time I've PLAYED in a game in about five or six years.

And even that was very short-lived.

The DM in me has been cultivated for twenty years. And it won't shut up!

I've always been a DM. Mainly because nobody else steps up to the plate and I find that if I don't, games just don't happen. And so 99.9% of all the games I've been involved in, I've been large and in charge.

I'd really like to not spoil the game by being a douche and stepping all over the DM's toes, but I find I just can't help myself. I automatically answer player's questions, correct them on rules, help them build characters, etc.

I need to kill my DM. And that DM is me.

Help.

 

[Ydars]

I have had the same problem doing this in session (the DM once had to speak to me out of game) and I have been a DM with another DM who had the same problem; and believe me it is SO annoying when someone else tries to take over your game.

I have the perfect cure for this. Tape or film the session and then look back at yourself as other people see you. If you are as bad as you describe, you will not like what you see.

If I were you, I would give yourself something else to concentrate on during the game. Start an in character log of the game so that you have something to do other than meddle in-session (and so you will be helping rather than annoying the DM).

You can also try and craft a character that is so brilliant (in terms of personality, history, aims etc) that you really want to play it. Give this info to your DM so that he knows you are supporting him and his game.

If someone has the decency to try and DM a game, it is the height of rudeness not to show him and the other players proper respect.

 

[CleverNickName]

I've always been a DM. Mainly because nobody else steps up to the plate and I find that if I don't, games just don't happen. And so 99.9% of all the games I've been involved in, I've been large and in charge.

I'd really like to not spoil the game by being a douche and stepping all over the DM's toes, but I find I just can't help myself. I automatically answer player's questions, correct them on rules, help them build characters, etc.

I need to kill my DM. And that DM is me.

Help.

I feel your pain...I am usually the DM in our gaming group as well. It can be a difficult adjustment going from the game referee and chief storyteller, to just a character in someone else's story. But if I can do it, anyone can.

Some tips:

1. Put all of your books and notes in storage, except for your PHB. Do it right now. If you have them at your fingertips, even between gaming sessions, you will be compelled to read them constantly...and reading DM-only material will only feed that inner DM you are trying to starve. Best to quit cold-turkey...stuff them in a box, tape it shut, and let them sit in a friend's garage across town for a few months. If you feel you absolutely need to see one of those books, borrow it from your DM while you are at the table (and with his permission).

2. Don't speak out-of-character. Give your character a funny accent and use it constantly, so that other players at the table will be less inclined to take whatever you say seriously, and will be hesitant to ask too many questions.

3. Do not play a tactical character, at least not at first. Don't play any kind of leader, and don't play a rogue. These classes invite role abuse by giving you an excuse to push other characters around and derail the story. Instead, stick to lackeys and support roles...be the muscle, not the brains.

And in that vein...

4. Don't volunteer for anything. Even if your inner DM is screaming like an alarm siren "that door is probably trapped!", let the rogue handle it. In fact, let the rogue decide whether or not to handle it, and let him/her deal with the consequences of that decision. Let the cards fall where they may.

5. Be content with the rules. Don't be "that guy" who is constantly wanting his character to be a beautiful and unique snowflake. Use the same list of classes, feats, and equipment that everyone else at the table does. If something is restricted, accept it...your DM has put that restriction there for a reason.

And the most important thing you can do:

6. Let people make mistakes. It is okay if someone (even the DM) messes up a rule, misinterprets something in the textbook, hand-waves a dice roll, misreads a monster's stats, or miscalculates a spell's damage. When these things happen, just keep your mouth shut and smile. Nobody likes a rules harpy who constantly blabs about what is wrong, who screwed up, what could be done better, or what is "supposed" to happen.

Hope this helps! Enjoy your game.

 

[Kzach]

1. Put all of your books and notes in storage, except for your PHB.

Check!

2. Don't speak out-of-character.

Ooh, double-check!

I have a fun character with a high charisma who I intend to roleplay as friendly and charming, with a cockney accent!

3. Do not play a tactical character, at least not at first. Don't play any kind of leader, and don't play a rogue.

Err...

Crud.

I'm the rogue.

See! I'm even doing it subconsciously! Arrrrrrrgh! And I was choosing between a fighter and a rogue. Maybe I could convince someone to switch... but then I'd be DM'ing... arrrrrrrrgh!

4. Don't volunteer for anything.

Hrm... well... I'm the rogue so... this one is going to be hard. I don't want to be a detriment to the group.

5. Be content with the rules.

Oh, easy. Check.

Happy not to tinker.

As long as no-one rolls up a dual-wielding bastard sword ranger...

6. Let people make mistakes.

Ok, I can do that. I think. I make mistakes all the time so this one should be easy!

 

[Byronic]

4. Don't volunteer for anything. Even if your inner DM is screaming like an alarm siren "that door is probably trapped!", let the rogue handle it. In fact, let the rogue decide whether or not to handle it, and let him/her deal with the consequences of that decision. Let the cards fall where they may.

Ok, IF the character should be able to know this (maybe he has high mental stats, the right skills or whatnot) why shouldn't the character say "I have a bad feeling about that door". I mean if your character has 8 in Int and Wis and nothing in Thievery and such then I can understand it. But if the character has the right stats to make an educated guess...

 

[Zil]

Ok, IF the character should be able to know this (maybe he has high mental stats, the right skills or whatnot) why shouldn't the character say "I have a bad feeling about that door". I mean if your character has 8 in Int and Wis and nothing in Thievery and such then I can understand it. But if the character has the right stats to make an educated guess...

I think the issue is avoiding meta-gaming think. This can really suck out the mood sometimes. Try to stay in the character.

 

[Kzach]

I think the issue is avoiding meta-gaming think. This can really suck out the mood sometimes. Try to stay in the character.

Yeah, as a DM you're always stepping out of character and trying to think five steps ahead. You ARE the metagame, so you think in metagame terms and methods.

Hard habit to break.

 

[Lord Zardoz]

I'd really like to not spoil the game by being a douche and stepping all over the DM's toes, but I find I just can't help myself. I automatically answer player's questions, correct them on rules, help them build characters, etc.

As a DM myself, I can tell you the following:

If someone asks the Dm if a particular condition grants combat advantage, or how much damage a power does, and you answer, no one will hold it against you. Even if your on the players side of the DM Screen.

If someone says "I open the door, what is on the other side", and you say "You open the door and the fetid stench of death assails you, making your eyes water. Several dead bodies lay about the room, with the juices oozing out of them. A pair of red angry eyes glares at you with an unholy hatred older than time, and you hear an angry deep throated growl as an unholy beast prepares to do you harm!", the Dm may be a little upset with you.

END COMMUNICATION

 

[ExploderWizard]

CleverNickName your post is full of win!!! I do a lot of the same stuff when I play. I played a bard in one game being run by someone new to the DM seat just so I could be a wingnut and not contribute much tactically. I preoccupied myself by making up song lyrics about everything that happened and barely paid attention to rules intensive activities like combat.

 

[Storminator]

Curb your talking. Typical game session:

Player 1: talk
DM: talk
Player 2: talk
DM: talk
Player 3: talk
DM: talk
Player 1: talk
DM: talk
Player 4: talk
DM: talk

You aren't the DM anymore. You don't get to talk as much. Try to make sure you aren't the most talkative player (looks at your PC build again... ).

Good luck.

PS