help with players being late, unprepared, etc

[shadzar]

1- schedule the game sooner if possible.

2- be early to the game if you have questions as the game will start on time. anything missing will have to wait until the end of the game night to figure out. set aside time at the end of the game night to resolve issues.

3- has anyone ever played the game before, besides of including yourself?

4- stop sending out any emails. if they want to continue to play, let them come to you. if they don't then i am sorry you lost your game. it seems like you are jumping through hoops for people that do not appreciate your efforts.

Send one email, telling them you have done so much work to get the game working, you really like playing with them, but you will no longer be able to be the only one working to make the game happen.

There are at least 2 kids being affected by this situation. While you cannot make a decision for the other, you can for your own. Does the amount of stress carry over when spending time with your child? I don't think you are wanting to upset anyone nor trying to do anything to harm anyones feelings. Your understanding of the nature of gaming with children means you also aren't putting your own in danger of seeing you in stress. Don't let it int he future either.

Really the people are imposing on your hospitality and your family's. So just let them know. tell them, in face or person not in email, the things you have listed here that you are not comfortable with about the game.

 

[nedjer]

we have a great time when we play,

And why it's being suggested you should mess with that by going all military discipline on them is lost on me. They're not insulting you, or ignoring you; they're just busy and not as committed. Hardly surprising, you're the GM.

I'd reckon a text before the game to tell me a short attachment was in my email would be cool; but we're not dating, so . . .

 

[Man in the Funny Hat]

about tardiness...i was always taught (and practiced in the business world) that when you are late, you are saying one thing:

"whatever i'm doing is more important than what everyone else is doing" and "my schedule is more important than yours".

Okay, courtesy is still courtesy, however, D&D is also not business. People may not like to hear it but my schedule just may be more important than yours - or anyone else at the table. I fully expect that in others points of view THEIR schedule is more important than mine. That may be true for every individual at the table. Life is messy and people don't function on clockwork. D&D is also just not an activity that is going to be perceived as running on a ticking clock. You may have to actually TELL people that, and even routinely remind them especially if your D&D game has limited time for some players to even be there and participate.

Really, I do see this as largely just another communication issue between DM and players. As far as the OP is concerned the players simply need to be told that time for actual gaming is LIMITED. They need to be prompt. They need to arrive PREPARED TO GAME. They need to be respectful of the time being set aside by other players to be there. Yes, it shouldn't have to be said. 20 years ago it likely WOULDN'T have to be said because people were still taught these things and had such behaviors enforced/reinforced, but welcome to the lazy 21st century self-oriented society.

 

[Goonalan]

While reading this thread, and thinking about its contents, and how I suffer from some of the problems highlighted in the OP; I've had an epiphany.

Simply put-

Players are from Mars,
DMs are from Venus.

IMHO good players are great, while good DMs are rare- or something like that, what I'm saying is I describe myself as a DM, with a little pride, I even every now and then think of myself as being a good DM. My players say nice stuff and keep coming back, so... I guess etc.

I'm a DM because I'm a bit of a control freak, and anally retentive (almost OCD at times). I read far too much about the game, which often leads to simple ideas becoming monsters. I create far too much info for my players at times- see my sig for the stat sheets et al. I make spreadsheets detailing what the players have done each session, their XP progression, magic item lists, fame and notoriety changes, lists of monsters they have killed, lists of encounters they have over come etc. I write campaign logs et al.

For my Maptools game I scour the internet for resources and what I can't find I endeavour to make/build/create myself.

I'm a DM because I do all these things to make my (and their- the players) experience better, and because I like doing it.

I'm a lecturer in the real world- so far tonight I've written four hand outs, uploaded a dozen documents and/or film clips on to the Virtul Learning Environment, and planned three other classes. I put as much effort in to my job, again because I enjoy doing it. My work colleagues do this also- it's the norm.

Then I sometimes make the mistake of judging my players (and students) for not doing as much, or not being 'ready', at work I feel this is more acceptable (then I remember what I was like as a student and I stop feeling so pissed off). In-game I've become much more tolerant, sure I go off the rails every now and then but that's human nature.

But I keep coming back to the fact that- I'm a DM, it's what I do, and I do it because I like it, yes I wish my players would carry more of the load at times but... after 30 years of DMing I'm still going the extra mile.

I love being a DM say 95% of the time, I dislike my players maybe the other 5% of the time and wish I could just turn up and play- not bad percentages when you think about it.

Cheers Goonalan

 

[TarionzCousin]

I used to run a game that was supposed to start at noon on Sunday, and had a problem with late players. My solution - fresh baked goods. If you are present at the given time, you get to eat the fresh coffee cake or whatever the offering for the week was. If you were late, you could still play, but the baked goods were not for you.

One time of watching everyone else eat was enough to get the players in question to show up on time.

This is a great idea. I have done something similar in the past: people who were in their chairs, ready to game, at exactly the start time each got extra experience points for their characters.

Actually we had a whole system. I can't remember it exactly, but it was something like this:

Bring enough food for everyone to have at least five bites: Current Level x25 XP.
Show up on time: Current Level x 50 XP.
Stay through the entire session: Current Level x 20 XP.
Draw pictures of everyone's character: Current Level x 20 XP.

Something like that. I don't remember exactly:

 

[Aberzanzorax]

I had an idea similar to Umbran's...but with a twist.

Provide warm food that is ready at 11. Make sure to pick things that are nasty if cold or reheated.


I'll also add that part of the reason for being late in a group like you describe is that individually, each of them may be thinking "we don't ever really start on time, so it's fine if I'm late this time. Last time the other guy was late and I was ontime."


Thinking positively (and using positive reinforcement) works a lot better with friends than punishment or negative reinforcement (and with everyone, really).


What I'd do is:
1. Not send out emails other than "enrichment". Send out what you want, but assume they will not be read. Those that read them will have useful clues that you've embeded that may tell them plot things (like if it is a good or bad idea to drink from the magical fountain), or social things (saluting in the normal way is a grave insult in this particular culture) or where a particular magic item is or an easy way to solve an otherwise potentially deadly threat.

2. Address the tardiness thing in a really positive way. "I have a great time whenever we play guys, and I know we've been pretty lax about starting times, but I've gotten really excited about where you've taken things, and I want to get in as much gaming as we can."

3. Assuming you break for lunch or to make lunch, or like most gamers just snack,say something like "In the vein of having more time to play, I'll prep food so we can just eat as soon as you get here."



Another separate alternative is to move the location of the game. If it is at one of their houses, at least that guy can't HELP but be on time. Rotate whose house it's at, and always be on time yourself.

 

[Dedekind]

Okay, courtesy is still courtesy, however, D&D is also not business. People may not like to hear it but my schedule just may be more important than yours - or anyone else at the table. I fully expect that in others points of view THEIR schedule is more important than mine. That may be true for every individual at the table. Life is messy and people don't function on clockwork. D&D is also just not an activity that is going to be perceived as running on a ticking clock.

Oh, surely everyone recognizes that occasionally being late or being called into work or having a sick kid overrides gaming night. But if a player's schedule were persistently "more important" than everybody else's, I would probably find out why they are always late.

But it sounds like the OP's group are mostly friends who game only occasionally. I think I would go with Umbran's advice and bribe them with food.

 

[shadzar]

I think I would go with Umbran's advice and bribe them with food.

But, but, but...you are supposed to bribe the DM with food, as the other thread on the very subject of bribing the DM, has shown.....So then why is the DM bribing the players with food?

There is no bribes that way!

On the latenes thing and the initial quote, it deals with a level of respect. Some are taught one way, while others are taught others.

Those being taught it is respectful to be on time, will fell like they are not being given respect by those that may have been taught differently, even if unintended.

Me it would tick off for people to always be late, and I wouldn't bribe them. If constant, I would go out to eat and lock my house and let them wonder for a change where I was at.

In 6 weeks time something could come up, but you have 6 weeks to work around schedules to be ready that day to get things going or at least make a phone call to say you are running late. The communication problem presented with the emails, means the players seem to not really care.

I would feel the lack of respect like the OP does since they make no effort to communicate that they may be late and make people sit around clock-watching and THEN not even be prepared after having had 6 weeks when they finally arrive late.

 

[TarionzCousin]

Another separate alternative is to move the location of the game. If it is at one of their houses, at least that guy can't HELP but be on time. Rotate whose house it's at, and always be on time yourself.

Am I the only one who sees the [-]potential[/-] actual, having experienced it several times problem with this?

 

[thegrumpyyoungman]

Am I the only one who sees the [-]potential[/-] actual, having experienced it several times problem with this?

well i'm not going to change the location. we dont meet at my house anyway as it's too far away from the other guys. we meet at a friends' house (neutral site ) so i wont be changing the location.

i think at this point i'm going to do the following:

1. start as soon as the first person arrives close to on time and do side quests or whatever and award them additional xp or treasure or something

2. in my emails or obsidian portal entries i'm going to put in some notes that give clues to certain things to encourage them to read before the next session

3. get copies of their character sheets or have them re-key their character sheets into my laptop before they leave so i dont have to worry about them forgetting their stuff.

4. get more players....this way if i can get 2 people that like to be on time or early i can begin to really get into step #2 above.