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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Lurker McGurker" data-source="post: 9513057" data-attributes="member: 7048014">Retreater, I really appreciate your analysis throughout your posts and comments, and I can also say that I’ve now suffered vicariously through this saga of living hell that has been your local RPG group!I thought I’d add these thoughts after 31 pages (and bits from other threads) and counting:(1) I’m really glad to read that your group’s behavior has improved(2) … but they could have hardly gotten much worse! I don’t know how you’ve had the patience for them. You are either a truly self-giving individual or don’t stick up for yourself enough. Likely both. But please don’t read that as if my own strengths aren’t also my weaknesses; I’ve often thought our most pronounced attributes are always double edged.(3) From your recent write up of the exciting and tragic conclusion to the first chapter of your Dragonbane session, I can tell that you’re a naturally gifted DM and have the heart of a role playing storyteller. These players don’t know the opportunity they’ve been shamefully squandering; you throw these pearls before swine.(4) You are the master of the table. You buy the books, you read the rules, you plan the sessions, you referee the game, maybe you even provide the snacks. YOU should be the one who has greatest authority at this table, period.  Not only is everyone else putting zero effort in (well, to their credit at least they show up), but they don’t seem to know the ass end of one game from another anyway.Just decide for them! Say “I really appreciate this time we get to spend together, and I want everyone to continue to have a good time. But I need you to trust me as TableMaster to host the experience. From now on all you have to do is show up, and I’ll provide a game to play.  It may not be what you expect, but I’ll do my best to put things on the table for good reason and at least there will always be snacks!”Put HeroQuest out one night, run a one shot another, if you don’t want to prep an RPG session one week then just make it a boardgame night and they can just accept it!  You’ve mentioned dozens of board and roleplaying games you’ve wanted to run or confirm their tastes on. Just do it.If they are happy to show up, eat socialize and TikTok and get some turns in then they’ll take what you give them and they’ll return for the social time regardless.And if not: fokkem!(5) I don’t mean to be rude or overstep boundaries (I’ll edit/delete this out if you want) but since you brought it up and it’s clearly affected the course of your campaigns:I hope the relationship is improving and if you haven’t checked this resource out then I highly recommend Dr John Gottman.  Look up his stuff, read it with your spouse, it helped my marriage and unlike some schmarmy guru he’s a peer reviewed academic researcher who backs his advice up with the results of his extensive, decades long studies.<a href="https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/" target="_blank">The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling</a>is a start. Also the concept of “bids!”(6) All is not lost: the heroes were clearly outmatched, the warlock is going to ravage the land, but maybe there is a quest they can go on to find an object, a power that will give them the edge they need to take down this bass turd.  Maybe if they can pass the challenges, brave ancient ordeals, they will each receive a boon, a heightening, a Dragon’s Bane!</blockquote>

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