How to make House Rules fun. (Now with Beer!)

[Lela]

We sat down tonight and, having a great time in the process, put together this list for a game that starts on Friday. In some cases it's just house rules that you'd find in most games. In other cases we're wondering at the IQ levels of players we've had in the past. So we thought we'd spell it out and hand it out to everyone. And post it on our walls (and online by the way).

Recommend reading it out loud. Also, it looks cooler in the .pdf (attached). I didn't want to fight to make it pretty in BB Code after spending a couple hours putting it together.

1.Resurrection ain't automatic. Just cause ya got da cash don't mean dat ya got da spell, eh. Do someting special for da Gad ya like. Make 'em 'appy and den dey'll fix ya up right quick.

Translation: Gods don't take bribes. They're good financially, unlike your teachers.

Mechanics: You take some RP penalty. This can range from emotional trauma to finding your character class changed. Be afraid. This is where the DM gets to play. *Evil Grin*

Mechanics2: Normal level drains apply as normal.

Reincarnation is done with trees and dirt. It's normal. Unlike your teachers.


2.Talk wit dat one DM dude 'bout dis stuff:

Character History
Starting Languages (affected by character history)
Class Flavor Changes (encouraged; affected by character history)
Character History (Unlike your teachers)
Starting Wealth (affected by character history)
Extra class skills (affected by character history, like your teachers)
Character History


3.Choose an Alignment (based on character 'istry). From there, DM will assign based on da character actions.


4.All male character pics must be approved by our resident gay guy. He typed dis ting up. Our DM doesn't enforce dis.


5.All characters must 'ave (at least) three allegiances based on character 'istry. They must be listed in order 'o prioorrity. An allegiance should be somting yer character feels very strongly aboot.

Obvious Examples: Family, Country, Religion, Character History, Guild, Club, Monastic Order, Law, Chaos, Good, Evil

Not so obvious Examples: Local tavern, that chick down the street, providing me (remember me, I'm the resident gay guy) with hot male character pics, weapons, craft/professions, finding wenches and showing them a good time (Six Flags counts).


6.Races: Ya haf ta, uh, pick yer “sub race” (based on da character 'istry). Sex 'tween da races is fine (just not 'n public). Half breed freaks 're fine, jus long as ya can splain it (in yer character 'istry). They can shine our shoes.


7.Races: Nonstandard races must be DM approved. Or that that gay guy, if you can provide a hot (male) pic. Again, the DM claims not ta run by dis part'a da rule (poor guy).

8.Rolling Ability scores.

Take 4 a dos dies wit six sides you stole from yer brudder's Clue game.
Roll 'em.
Reroll all 1s. If yah want.
Keep any 3 dice ya want.
Add 'em up. Ask someone for help wit da math. (Bribe yer teacher)
Do dat 7 times.
Keep any six ya want.
Assign 'em.
Feel special


9.Hit Points: If ya don't much like a die roll, have the DM roll it again. Ya gotta take his dough.


10.Additional Armor & Weapon Proficiencies 're based on character 'istry and presentation to da DM (via character 'istry). For example, try trading all da martial weapon proficiencies for one o' those exotic ones. Sure, ya'll be screwed on the longsword but ya'll have a cool chain.


11.Hide 'n Move Silently 're now da same skill. Call it Sneak. Tank Monte Cook (one 'o dem damn half breeds).


12.Everyone gets a talent. Tank Monte Cook again (stupid, mumble, mumble half breeds). Oh, an' it has ta be a talent (check Arcana Evolved).


13.I know yer lazy but ya still haf ta count how much yer stuff weighs. Bags, extra clothes, armor, kids, weapons, kits and that crap in your pockets. Figur how much it weighs an how much ya can carry n such.

Translation: Who the ABYSSAL MONKEY carries 100,000 gold around anymore? I mean, it's not just vagabonds looking for your stuff. Now you're encouraging whole clans of colossal dragons to come play volleyball with your stupid ass. There are banks people. Think Gringots, only with less goblins. Sheesh. (Stupid mumble mumble half breed teachers)


14.Basic adventuring gear (less than 100 gold) is ignored when creating your sheet. Dis assumes yer higher dan second level.

Translation: Who gives a crap about all those coppers flying around? It hits people on the head (and sure that's funny) but none of us really want to count it (too bloody anyway). Just put the backpack down. And the rope. Everyone forgets the rope.


15.Rule 15. When someone is speaken in a language ya don know, ya don know what they're sayen. And day don what yer sayen if'n yer speaken in a language day don know. I know it's weird but even dough ya tink ya speak French in real life, ya don't. Trust us; we know. (Stupid mumble mumble half breeds).


16.Sorcerers and Favored Souls ('n da like) get ta add bonus spells to der spells known list based on der abilities. Dis is cool if yer a Sorcerer but sucks if'n yer not. Every one else shut up. Sorcerers should shut up too (we're all sick a yer gloaten).


17.Da DM will only state experience gained tree times. Otherwise, bug da other players. If'n ya have da nerve ta axe 'im again be prepared ta get less dan everyone else. You people 're friggen annoying.


Exception is for those bums who had to leave early. Yeah, yeah, your grandmother fell and broke her fibula and you had to go help them snow shovel her off the floor and into the ambulance. Whatever. We'll pretend to believe you and give you the experience one more time. (Stupid mumble mumble half breeds) I expect good character history out of this.


18.If'n ya ain't here for da game ya ain't here for da fight. We're not runnin yer character for ya. We got enough to do (dat Mountain Dew won't drink itself). We'n ain't dealen wit the continuity errors neither. No laws a physics neither (just like Evasion).

As a side note, shut up about Evasion not following the laws of physics. We don't care what you can imagine. We're drinking Mountain Dew. (Stupid mumble mumble teachers)


19.If'n ya ain't der for da battle you ain't getten da experience points or da lute. Or da gold. Da rest of us 're sick of getten our handed to us by kobolds. We darn well get der sticks 'n copper for ourselves.


20.Rule 19. Ur, uh, 20. I give ya one chance ta fill out yer character sheet. If'n anything be missing ya don't get it until da next level. I know it's kinda weird when suddenly get gain HP at level 12 but der ya go. Maybe ya shoulda had someone check it over for errors and stuff. Oh, well, no gender fer you.

We're sick of you idiots having to roll randomly in the middle of game for your height, weight, gender and (duh) hit points. Dangit man, figure out if your an evil chaotic bastard or a 40 year old naked guy before you sit down in my mother's basement with the rest of us. I mean, ick. (Stupid mumble mumble character history)

Your other option is let the GM roll it randomly (or not so randomly; Revenge of the Sith!).


21.Oh, and Character 'Istry is important (unlike your teachers).

 

[Machiavelli]

Your... accent, or whatever you would like to imagine it is, causes physical pain upon reading. You, dear sir, are quite obviously flagrantly disregarding the etiquette of public Explosive Runes use.

 

[green slime]

It is sad, but I can't be bothered with the effort to read this, which is a shame considering the amount of time you seem to have spent typing it out. You really seem to have forgotten that there are a large number of non-native English speakers in this forum. If I (as a native english speaker) find it tiring and excessive, I wonder what they are thinking?

 

[Nifft]

If I were cool, I'd write a detailed reply as a cryptogram.

But actually, I'm lazy... sorry Lela, can't read your post easily, so I'm giving up.

Cheers, -- N

 

[Clay_More]

Well, fun rules I have to say. I have to agree with the English, but since they are, after all, just copy/pasted house rules, you probably have adopted a language you are certain that your players will understand. It does give a bit of a humerous edge to the rules, the way you use the accent. I like the harsness to people not there, quite dissatisfied when people tell you to "play their char" while they are sitting somewhere getting drunk in the company of damsels in distress while your laberously grind experience points in your D20 campaign.

 

[Lela]

Well, fun rules I have to say. I have to agree with the English, but since they are, after all, just copy/pasted house rules, you probably have adopted a language you are certain that your players will understand. It does give a bit of a humerous edge to the rules, the way you use the accent. I like the harsness to people not there, quite dissatisfied when people tell you to "play their char" while they are sitting somewhere getting drunk in the company of damsels in distress while your laberously grind experience points in your D20 campaign.

That's one of my biggest pet peeves as a player Clay. When I show up, every week, to advance the story, fight the monsters and just plain play the game while some other guy comes half the time and always leaves early. It's not so much that I'm doing more than him--it's a game and he should play it how he enjoys it. It's just when he asks me to do his stuff to. That's when it starts to bother me.

Plus our group usually finds that their characters die most when someone else is playing them. Sure, that might just be us not knowing how to play them right, but I'd keep an eye out for that one vengeful guy in the back. In the basement. With the dice.

And as a side not to everyone else, maybe I should have my friend read it aloud and toss up the .mp3. He can do accents extremely well.

 

[Darklone]

Aye Lela, how's going?

I might do a "translation" later this week if people are interested.

 

[Machiavelli]

Oh, it's completely intelligible. I got all the way through, and actually absorbed the otherwise amusing information, on the first try. What I got out of it is that you, Lela, share some of the frustration I have had in the past, and that you've got an interesting sense of humor about it.

But I will journey through Hell before I willingly repeat the searing experience of reading those rules

 

[Lela]

Oh, it's completely intelligible. I got all the way through, and actually absorbed the otherwise amusing information, on the first try.

Well, I thought so but I wrote it.

Still, reading through it again, I'll do the .mp3 this Friday. The recording anyway. My obsessive desire to edit it, clean it up and maybe put in some sound effects and music could move it to Sunday for actual release.

What I got out of it is that you, Lela, share some of the frustration I have had in the past, and that you've got an interesting sense of humor about it.

I'm not running this game but the DM and I do share a lot of the same House Rules. And frustrations. Scenes like this are not uncommon:

"All right, everyone paying attention?" The DM looks around to find all eyes on him. "Good. Ok, everyone gets 1545 experience. That's one five four five. Anyone need the calculator?"

"Uh, yeah," the wizard's player grabs the TI-89. "How do you use this thing?"

"Just type it in as normal. It just looks a little different."

"Ok. What was the experience again?"

"Fifteen hundred fourty five," the DM sighs.

"Got it, thanks!"

The half orc's voice rings out from the back, "Hey, DM Bill, what was that experience? 154.5?"

"No. We don't have a .5 this time. It's 1545." "But I only need 154.5 to level up." "Well, you're getting more than that. 1545." "Cool! Maybe I can get a weapon made with the extra."

Pulling his face away from his girlfriend's (seems she'd stopped breathing at some point), "Oh, right, did we do experience yet?"

"Ask the wizard."

"Why, don't you have it somewhere?"

It seems like a Dead Ale Wives thing. But it's real and it could happen in your mother's basement. Beware!

Aye Lela, how's going?

You know, same old. Waiting for Old One to update. Hoping to get a date. Waiting for Sep to update. Sick of school and terrified of what'll come after. Waiting for you to update.

Wonder why I can never get a date.

I might do a "translation" later this week if people are interested.

Well, I'd like to see it. Be interesting to see how someone else interprets it at the least. At the most maybe it'll give Machiavelli a break from all the explosive runes I'm accidentally tossing around--sorry, cursed wand; recommend Evasion.

 

[Darklone]

You know, same old. Waiting for Old One to update. Hoping to get a date. Waiting for Sep to update. Sick of school and terrified of what'll come after. Waiting for you to update.

Wonder why I can never get a date.

Me update? Oih. Do I have yet another storyhour somewhere that I should update ?

Well. Made my PhD, ripped some tendons apart, left my 10 years favored catastrophe, spent half a year in Spain, came back, looked for a job, have one now and like it.

Dates: Good idea. Should try that now and then too. But too busy right now with the children of friends and forcing myself to work.

If you want a hint of an old dork: Don't care about school, do it. Don't care about afterwards, simply don't waste time in school. Don't care about girls, have fun. School will be over, jobs will come, girls come when you don't want them. That's the ZEN of life.