It's been a while, right? If you're new to this, I like to occasionally post lists for discussion; usually, the discussion is, "Snarf, why are your rules so arbitrary and capricious?" to which I reply, "Because I am arbitrary and capricious, just like Mama Snarf raised me." Ahem.
Anyway, I love to rank the cinema of the true auteurs.
Cronenberg.
The Coen Brothers.
Wes Anderson.
Paul Thomas Anderson.
Quentin Tarantino.
So now it's time to rank the person who laughs at your pretentious ideas of cinema while he dives into the Marianas trench in a submersible made of $100 bills. That's right, James "Ima Do What I Want" Cameron! A man who is so confident that he can blow a giant fortune making a movie with an ending we all know (Titanic) and somehow turn that into a gianter fortune. A man who can spend untold amount of money making a beautifully crafted world you want to live in, and still say, "Let's call the McGuffin .... UNOBTAINIUM! And, uh, how about we use Papyrus as the font? It looks cool for hookah bars."
Yeah, that guy. Somehow he manages to combine the best and the worst of movies, and continually plays a game of chicken with money ... and always comes out on top. Is he the King of the World, and we are all playing in it? Or is he just a gambler at a craps table on a lucky streak? I don't know, but no one successfully bets against him. Yet.
The rules, briefly-
It has to be a James Cameron movie. It has to be a feature-length film (sorry, Xenogenesis). It has to be directed by him (sorry, Rambo: First Blood Part II*). It has to a fiction film (sorry, Aliens of the Deep). And it has to have been released ... so no future Avatar movies. And that's it. Some of these rankings may be controversial, and that's okay! Please fell free to express your contradictory and wrong opinions in the comments!
*What is the irony value of a Canadian writing the most 'Murikan film of the '80?
The rankings are from Awesome to Awesomest, or, in Canadian terms, from not making the NHL playoffs to losing in the Stanley Cup finals. Because NO CUP 4 U!
Bottom Tier
9. Piranha II: The Spawning. Look, there's a reason that Jimmy (I can call him that, right?) refused to recognize this film as part of his oeuvre for so many years. It was a bomb when it was released. He wasn't allowed to edit the film, and allegedly didn't even have a say in the final cut. If you're a Cameron Completist, it's worth a watch, but otherwise it's the only film on this list that you can take a hard pass on. From this point on, all the films have something to recommend them.
Middle Tier
8. Avatar: The Way of Water. Quick- name three interesting things you remember about this film. Right, I know! Did you know it made over TWO BILLION DOLLARS? I mean, Jimmy and Tom Cruise were pretty much responsible for pulling the box office out of the Covid-19 pandemic. Look, if you are all into this ... you know, with the blue and the tails and everything, that's cool. I'm not here to kink shame. And it is absolutely gorgeous. But one of the films has to be at 8, and there just isn't much about this one to pull it ahead of the rest.
7. The Abyss. This is a film that is much better than you remember, but it often thought of as a "dud" in his filmography, because Jimmy measures success in the only thing that matters- cold, hard cash. And it only made back twice the budget, and didn't crack $100 million. But this was the beginning of Jimmy's "sea phase" (in real life as well) and the special effects and shooting techniques he used were extraordinary. If you do watch it, I recommend the Special Edition, which solves some of the issues with the ending that marred the theatrical release.
6. Titanic. Eh. A lot of people like this.
5. True Lies. Look, I'm not going to defend some of the gender dynamics portrayed in this film, or the portrayal of the villains (ethnicity). It is a film that is both of its time and also, when those elements aren't present, a thoroughly entertaining and fun blockbuster.
4. Avatar. A film that is a beautiful exercise in world-building and a showcase of how far special effects had advanced, and one that spawned a franchise. And yet, a remarkably shallow film.
Top Tier
3. Terminator 2: Judgment Day. A great action film; one of the best. The T1000 is completely frightening, and there is real pathos in the film. Admit it- you cried when Arnold sacrificed himself. I didn't cry. You cried.
2. Aliens. A complete change from the original (horror "haunted house" movie) to an a thrilling action movie that completely worked. The characters, the mood, the tension (the "movement locators") ... everything combined to make this one of the best action movies of all time.
1. The Terminator. I am going to put my marker down that his first movie remains the best. No, the special effects haven't all aged that well. But it shows that when Cameron can't just burn money, he can make a resonant film. From the minimalist and propulsive score to the casting choices to the seeming inevitability of Arnold's advancement, there is a reason that this film resonated so deeply that it spawned a franchise (with diminishing returns). Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!
All right! Have at it...
Anyway, I love to rank the cinema of the true auteurs.
Cronenberg.
The Coen Brothers.
Wes Anderson.
Paul Thomas Anderson.
Quentin Tarantino.
So now it's time to rank the person who laughs at your pretentious ideas of cinema while he dives into the Marianas trench in a submersible made of $100 bills. That's right, James "Ima Do What I Want" Cameron! A man who is so confident that he can blow a giant fortune making a movie with an ending we all know (Titanic) and somehow turn that into a gianter fortune. A man who can spend untold amount of money making a beautifully crafted world you want to live in, and still say, "Let's call the McGuffin .... UNOBTAINIUM! And, uh, how about we use Papyrus as the font? It looks cool for hookah bars."
Yeah, that guy. Somehow he manages to combine the best and the worst of movies, and continually plays a game of chicken with money ... and always comes out on top. Is he the King of the World, and we are all playing in it? Or is he just a gambler at a craps table on a lucky streak? I don't know, but no one successfully bets against him. Yet.
The rules, briefly-
It has to be a James Cameron movie. It has to be a feature-length film (sorry, Xenogenesis). It has to be directed by him (sorry, Rambo: First Blood Part II*). It has to a fiction film (sorry, Aliens of the Deep). And it has to have been released ... so no future Avatar movies. And that's it. Some of these rankings may be controversial, and that's okay! Please fell free to express your contradictory and wrong opinions in the comments!
*What is the irony value of a Canadian writing the most 'Murikan film of the '80?
The rankings are from Awesome to Awesomest, or, in Canadian terms, from not making the NHL playoffs to losing in the Stanley Cup finals. Because NO CUP 4 U!
Bottom Tier
9. Piranha II: The Spawning. Look, there's a reason that Jimmy (I can call him that, right?) refused to recognize this film as part of his oeuvre for so many years. It was a bomb when it was released. He wasn't allowed to edit the film, and allegedly didn't even have a say in the final cut. If you're a Cameron Completist, it's worth a watch, but otherwise it's the only film on this list that you can take a hard pass on. From this point on, all the films have something to recommend them.
Middle Tier
8. Avatar: The Way of Water. Quick- name three interesting things you remember about this film. Right, I know! Did you know it made over TWO BILLION DOLLARS? I mean, Jimmy and Tom Cruise were pretty much responsible for pulling the box office out of the Covid-19 pandemic. Look, if you are all into this ... you know, with the blue and the tails and everything, that's cool. I'm not here to kink shame. And it is absolutely gorgeous. But one of the films has to be at 8, and there just isn't much about this one to pull it ahead of the rest.
7. The Abyss. This is a film that is much better than you remember, but it often thought of as a "dud" in his filmography, because Jimmy measures success in the only thing that matters- cold, hard cash. And it only made back twice the budget, and didn't crack $100 million. But this was the beginning of Jimmy's "sea phase" (in real life as well) and the special effects and shooting techniques he used were extraordinary. If you do watch it, I recommend the Special Edition, which solves some of the issues with the ending that marred the theatrical release.
6. Titanic. Eh. A lot of people like this.
5. True Lies. Look, I'm not going to defend some of the gender dynamics portrayed in this film, or the portrayal of the villains (ethnicity). It is a film that is both of its time and also, when those elements aren't present, a thoroughly entertaining and fun blockbuster.
4. Avatar. A film that is a beautiful exercise in world-building and a showcase of how far special effects had advanced, and one that spawned a franchise. And yet, a remarkably shallow film.
Top Tier
3. Terminator 2: Judgment Day. A great action film; one of the best. The T1000 is completely frightening, and there is real pathos in the film. Admit it- you cried when Arnold sacrificed himself. I didn't cry. You cried.
2. Aliens. A complete change from the original (horror "haunted house" movie) to an a thrilling action movie that completely worked. The characters, the mood, the tension (the "movement locators") ... everything combined to make this one of the best action movies of all time.
1. The Terminator. I am going to put my marker down that his first movie remains the best. No, the special effects haven't all aged that well. But it shows that when Cameron can't just burn money, he can make a resonant film. From the minimalist and propulsive score to the casting choices to the seeming inevitability of Arnold's advancement, there is a reason that this film resonated so deeply that it spawned a franchise (with diminishing returns). Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!
All right! Have at it...