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Message: <blockquote data-quote="DarrenGMiller" data-source="post: 2785760" data-attributes="member: 23174">Ah, the Geek Social Fallacies.  I give them a bit of credit for saving my game, both the campaign I just ended and the continuation of my hobby.  I was gaming with a group that would have given poor Gruff nightmares.  These and a few other pieces of wisdom, from my own head, as well as from fellow ENWORLDers and Monte Cook's pen, preserved my sanity and allowed me to reclaim my game.My advice from my own wealth of experience with a nightmare of a gaming group:1.  Take some time off.  It gives you perspective and allows you to think about what you miss about gaming.  It also allows you to look at what is really important to you and what behaviors you refuse to tolerate.2.  Either make your friends your gaming group, or make your gaming group your friends.  Don't game with people you wouldn't at least want to be friends with.  If you take the time to game with them, take the time to get to know them outside of the game and be their friend.  If that prospect is not appealing to you, stop gaming with them.3.  FIND MATURE PEOPLE (or at least people you like) WHO ARE YOUR AGE!!!  Maturity is relative.  It is not an agist thing.  As has been said, there are mature teens and immature 30-somethings out there.  I have gamed with both (as well as immature teens and mature 30-somethings).  However, the generation gap often makes it difficult for you to relate to each other outside of the game and can make it awkward (as a high school teacher, I KNOW this).  Eliminate this potential for misunderstanding and miscommunication by gaming with people relatively close to your age, unless you know the teen gamers' parents, or your parents know the adult gamers.  In general, I have found most high school gamers (ages 15-18) more mature than college aged gamers (19-22) and then things improve again when marriage, car and mortgage payments kick on and student loans are being repaid.  I think that (and this is a broad generalization) college aged individuals are expirimenting socially and figuring out how they are going to behave as adults, or they are "sowing their wild oats" before real responsibility of career and family sets in.  At any rate, find people to game with that have steady relationships and a sense of direction in life.  Also, game with people you like (if you are immature and like it, game with others you get along with and find your maturity level acceptable) and accept.4. Reclaim your game.  When you start the game again, especially if you are the DM/GM, let the entire group know what acceptable behavior is for you.  Game on your terms, but be prepared for some of your group to go their separate ways if your terms are disagreeable to them.  Don't be ultra-picky about it, but let them know what your non-negotiables are.  There is no substitute for real authentic communication.  If someone offends you on a regular basis, let them know about it and be prepared to have people you offend let you know about it as well.5.  Set the standards for acceptable behavior.  If you don't want off-color jokes during a session, don't tell any, no matter how innocuous or funny it may be.  If you don't want alcohol consumed at the gaming table, don't make an exception for yourself when you want a drink, etc.  I always tell people to let their behavior be without reproach if they expect others to respect their standards.6.  Finally, game with people who come to the table to have fun.  Enjoy the game.  It is supposed to be fun.  Don't game with people who are there to "win D&D" or "show the DM who's boss" or prove some point to themselves or others, or even to fill some void in their life.  When I started to game with people who remembered that it is supposed to be fun, that is when my fun came back.  If your hobbies are laborious for you, check to see if you are making money from them.  If you are not getting paid, stop.  I try to have fun every day at work and while I don't some days, I generally have a blast and get paid for it.  If my gaming is less fun than work, I need to quit my hobby and find one that "pays" more dividends of enjoyment.I hope this helps.  I have been down this road before.DM</blockquote>

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