I Love Gaming but I Hate Gamers!

[Gruff]

OK...I've finally decided to delurk and post a rant.

After a gaming with my group consistantly for nearly a year, I've come to the conclusion that I'm no longer having fun. It's not that I don't like gaming, but it seems that every group that I've gamed with consists of the same rude, smartass individuals.

The group that I'm with right now seems to argue and fight with each other more than they game. Moreover, I really feel unconfortable with several people in the group. One player in particular has a penchant for telling rude racial, ethnic, and religious jokes. After making a very rude Jewish joke awhile back I finally told the group that I was uncomfortable with jokes. His response was, "What are you so offended by? You're not Jewish!" Also, I was told that I was being way too "politically correct" and I needed to get a "sense of humor".

I wish I could say that this was a one time thing, but I have found this type of behavior in almost every gaming group that I have played with (there have been a few exceptions). Although not every gaming group I have been with has told racial and religious jokes, most of the gamers that I have played with have been very rude and immature. I have been in groups where game sessions would end in bitter arguments. I have met gamers that feel a need to belittle other gamers over the most trivial things. The list goes on.

Ironically, most of my good friends right now are former jocks. It seems like most of the jocks have matured since high school, but most of the geeks still have the rude, immature attitude. Are we gamers so bitter over being geeks that we refuse to grow up? Are our social skills so low that we feel like we need to fight, belittle others, or tell rude jokes?

I'm sure that there are good gamers out there. Unfortunately, I have had very bad experiences with a number of gamers, and after all these years I'm beginning to be turned off to gaming because of it.

 

[Blue]

I'm picky about who I game with, same as I'm picky about any people I associate with. The people I game with are friends first, adn if I've already pciked them as friends, it's because I can get along with them.

You mentioned how many of your friends are former jocks. I'll take it in a different direction then you did - your friends are your friends because they have traits you like. Their are probably just as many immature jocks as immature gamers as immature XX - pick your friend, don't let your hobby pick it for you.

And maybe, introduce some of your friends to D&D. We could always use more mature gamers.

Cheers,
Blue

 

[jester47]

Basicly I find that many gamers have a case of kettle black syndrome when it comes to the behevior that they exhibit. Typically I find that many gamers hold on to their sectarian clique that they were forced into in junior high/high school. Generally they were forced into the social group because they would not change to fit the norm. I think your statistics have been a little scewed however. Many people (like the ones on this board) and generally most of the people that you find in the RPGA are quite pleasent to game with.

I know what you mean about the argueing. Keep looking, good gaming groups exist. The best way to find one is to look for people that are all over 21, includes women, and has at least two people that are married or have a steady girlfriend. The chances of the group that fits that profile ending up like the groups you described are pretty slim. They are out there, just keep looking.

 

[dave_o]

Unfortunately, I've gotta agree with you. While I've met some cool "gamers" the majority are really sketchy people that I'm uncomfortable being around for long periods of time. You've got power-tripping DMs, people dealing with strange sexual issues through their characters, rudeness, immaturity, homophobia, racism, etc. -- but that's, y'know, common everywhere. It just seems like there's a higher concentration among gamers and that could be due to the fact that gaming is on the margins of society where these people thrive.

That said, I've gamed with some really cool folks, too -- but they're the exception, not the rule. My modus oprandi now is to basically introduce those in my circle of friends who seem like they'd dig it to pen-and-paper, and usually they take to it like a duck to water. No weirdos required.

 

[Dolom]

I find myself in complete agreement, although for slightly different reasons. I've largely given up on the hobby thanks to the various tables I've sat at. I'm extremely picky about who I game with, when I game at all. It's a bitter, bitter lesson learned.

 

[dave_o]

Allow me to use this as an opportunity to pimp my San Diego group. We're all mature, stable, fun folks who just enjoy a good time. We respect others' wishes and personal feelings. We enjoy long walks on the beach...

Seriously, though. If you're a player or a DM and yer lookin' for some good folks in San Diego look me up @ dave.ohoh@gmail.com In January I'll be starting up my A Fistful of Guilders game, a D&D3.5e game set in a fantastic 1860s America, my girlfriend will be starting up a D&D3.5e game set in the Slayers universe (of anime fame), and I think someone's running a Ravenloft game.

There is hope out there!

 

[jdrakeh]

It's not that I don't like gaming, but it seems that every group that I've gamed with consists of the same rude, smartass individuals.

I can't say this of every game group I've been a part of, but I can say it of the overwhelming majority. Anymore, I prefer to handpick gamers that I play with based on their preferred play styles and rule sets - which might have a lot to do with why I don't have a group at the present time. I feel though, that when I do get a group together, it will have been well worth the wait as all of us will have similar play styles.

 

[Nyaricus]

my group was having some major out of game issues which transferrred over into play. We are all in highschool, and immaturity levels are not rampant, but they are certainly there.

Our solution was to switch to a good campaign from an evil one. We added in 4 players up from 4 for a total of 8, and the last 4 to come were mostly noobs/immature ones - whihc created roleplaying AND gaming problems.

I was seriously sick of putting up with crap, so i am now making a table rules/ D&D manifesto to curb their problematic behavior. much inspiration is coming from this, as well as my own observations.

http://home.earthlink.net/~duanevp/dnd/manifesto.htm

i also can't find another link at the moment, but i think this wil help.

My suggestion: as either a player or DM, make up a Manifesto for yourself, and ask your local gaming store if you can post it uyp on a bulliten board. Say that you wish to either be accepted into a group that shares those values, or to add people into your group that shares yours. You have to start somewhere; start fresh.

look for people that are all over 21

I disagree here. Ageist comments like these are innapropriate; I'd have to say that I, a 17 year old, am more mature than the aformentioned players. I have a girlfriend of 2 years as well, and a large group of peers and friends, and 3 best friends (of which my girl friend is included). Base a person by his or her qualities, not by their birth date.

 

[lilbbuddytoo]

the key is to not take yourself to seroiusly

I am 32 and have been gaming on and off since I was 10 years old. I can honestly say my fondest gaming experieces were playing between the ages of 14 to 18. I still have characters from a ravenloft campaign when I was 14. Staying up all night with candles casting shadows on the walls of my basement. Burning the edges of our character sheets to give them that old parchment feel... I have played in a couple campaigns as of late that have included people 17 to 18 years old and it has been a joy. To me that's what gaming brings out... The kid in me...

 

[Lord Pendragon]

I sympathize with you, Gruff. It can be hard to find good gamers. There are indeed a lot of gamers who became so because they were outcast due to poor hygiene and bad social skills, and haven't really ever improved.

However, I think you should look at yourself as a source of faith. You yourself aren't one of those folks, so surely there are others out there, right? It's just a matter of finding them. Don't continue to play in a group that's immature. Move one until you find a good one.

I've managed to find a really good one myself, so I'm very happy. Our other DM (I alternate with him) is the vice-president of a large software company. Another player is an engineer. Several of the players have children, and are good, wholesome parents. Everyone has their head on straight, and we have a great time gaming.

Before I found this group, I read about a group here on ENWorld that was filled with vocational professionals. They actually interviewed candidates for a spot they had in their group. They filled up before I got a chance to apply, but let me say that they seemed like a very mature, fun group. They worked hard to stay that way.

So mature, intelligent gamers are certainly out there. The problem is, they usually keep to themselves! You're going to have to go through a few groups and keep your eyes open before you find your way into one. Once you're there, though, it's all golden.

I disagree here. Ageist comments like these are innapropriate

I've known people who were very mature for their age. I knew a girl at 13 who was more mature than 30-year-olds. And I play with a 12-year-old in my group now (the son of another player) who is remarkably mature for his age.

However, when you're trying to build a group from scratch, I wouldn't fault someone for setting an age limit. If I were starting a group from scratch, I certainly would. I'd rather miss that one surprisingly mature 15-year-old, and not waste time interviewing the 50 immature kids I'd have to sift through to get to him.