I need your pizza delivery stories

[Howndawg]

I can think of loads if given the time, but for starters:

Not a delivery story, but funny. When working at one place as a driver, there was one woman who would call and order, and every time she would say, "I want the crust to be firm and hard, I don't want it to go limp in my hand". How could I reply to that.

I never got a nekkid hottie, but I delivered to two queen sized woman sunbathing topless and a couple guys of questionable orientation running around in jockstraps. One time, I kid you not, I delivered to a couple in a hotel room who had a midget in bed with them!

There was a mental hospital in the area that we delivered to. One time a woman came up to me and asked if I were a god. Not being able to resist myself, I said, "Yes, I am called Thor". And then she started asking me if I knew the Archangel Michael!


Howndawg

 

[Rodrigo Istalindir]

One time a woman came up to me and asked if I were a god. Not being able to resist myself, I said, "Yes, I am called Thor". And then she started asking me if I knew the Archangel Michael!

'Ghostbusters' saves another life!

 

[Olaf the Stout]

Oh yeah, then there were the Stoners. I used to work for Dominos when they still had the 30 minutes or free. This was just before the 30 minutes or $3 off switch happened.

I got to the store and was told to deliver this pizza which was very late (about an hour old when I got there). When the guys opened the door the smoke poured out of the apartment. They paid me and the guy said "Wow, dude! That was fast!"

This one made me laugh the most. I can just picture the scene now.

Olaf the Stout

 

[Agamon]

I delivered to a very drunk naked girl at the college dorm back when I was a senior in high school, won't forget that one. She only wanted the pizza at the time, unfortunately.

I also delivered to a naked male British soldier at a hotel. A much less present experience...

I delivered to a motel once and the guy that ordered was passed out, you could see him lying on the bed from the window. It was a fairly big order (especially for one guy) and a weeknight, so it being not too busy, I called the cops. The front office guy let me and the cop into the room. After unsuccessful waking him with yelling and swats to the head, the cop picks the guy up by the shirt collar and slams against the wall. "Wake up, a-hole!" Slams him against the wall again, "Wake up and pay for your food, *******!" Dude wakes up, completely disoriented and pee-your-pants scared. He fumbles with his wallet while the cop continues to yell at him. I may have gotten a tip there, I don't recall, I was wide-eyed during the whole exchange....

One of the local strip clubs was attached to a hotel and the girls had a couple rooms reserved for them while in town. They ordered all the time and more often than not they wore less than necessary to cover everything up. That was cool, but after the cute naked college chick, skanky strippers just didn't really cut it.

I delivered to some kids at a home once, the one kid tried to pay for his pizza with a baseball card. "Um, no thanks," I say. Half-price? "Uh, no, I'll need cash." So he ends up just giving it to me as a tip. A 2nd year Mickey Mantle card, mint. Hmmm, can you say stolen? When I think back, I wish I'd tipped off the cops, but I didn't really have proof. I think I still have that card, somewhere....

Other than that, my biggest tip was $48 (back in '90 or '91), to a swanky bar, a party of 4 tables. Each table got an order worth $28, Mr. Moneybags at the last table pays me $40 per order and keep the change. I madly dashed away before he could change his mind.