I'm an unreliable player, HELP!

[Ferret]

I'm often unreliable, in the sense that something always seems to turn up at the last minute that draws me away from our current regular game. (It's happened before as well.)

Given that the reasons for this unreliability are unlikely to go away, and I want to keep roleplaying when I can, how can I lessen the burden on my group, other players and GM alike?

I asked this over at rpg.se and got some good advice, but I was wondering if there was anything else ENWorld could do to help?

 

[Zelda Themelin]

When we had our most busy time, we cancelled all games for few months. If rest of group was still playing our character was sent to "do some else stuff" for that time.

Cancelling at last minute is really irritating. What of instead calling up last minute if it's possible to show up. And if group is ok then go for gaming.

They are already basicly doing this, just turn it into more positive.

And if you can't become more reliable later either, have a talk about how to keep up your character available. If you don't do adventure logs you could ask some other player to mail you short version of "what happened" so explaining it to you don't take time out of game you actually attend. Or if your character was "away" then you could both be surprised.

 

[AntiStateQuixote]

I'm often unreliable, in the sense that something always seems to turn up at the last minute that draws me away from our current regular game. (It's happened before as well.)

What kind of somethings? House fires? Sick family memeber? Job calling you in?

Given that the reasons for this unreliability are unlikely to go away, and I want to keep roleplaying when I can, how can I lessen the burden on my group, other players and GM alike?

Can they play without you? When I DM I run my game as long as we're missing no more than 1 PC. Someone else at the table does double duty and plays the missing player's character. If they can't play without you, can they add another player such that your presence or absence doesn't decide if the game goes on or not?

That would be (and has been) my solution to a regularly unreliable player that I still wanted to play with: we play with or without said player as long as we have a quorum.

 

[delericho]

Talk to your DM about whether it's an issue or not, and whether it's likely to remain an issue long-term.

It may well be that your DM is aware of your problems, and is happily adapting the campaign around your lack of availability. Alternately, he may be happy doing that for a while, but if it's going to be an issue long-term then he'd prefer you to drop out.

As for yourself, you might find it more beneficial to find an "open table" type of game, that allows characters to more easily step in and out when they're available. That way, you can play when you're available, but drop out when you must.

(And, speaking for myself - I don't have any great issue with players who can't make it to the game. However, I do take issue with people dropping out at the last minute, especially if it becomes a habit. I have a maximum number of players I can handle at my table, and my games tend to be over-subscribed, so a player who is unreliable is taking up a spot that should really go to someone else.)

 

[Nellisir]

What other people have said. I'm one of the DMs who is not fond of unreliable players, but reason matters a lot. I tell people the games are the same time, every week, and if you can't put it on your calender and make it a priority, don't say you can. Sleeping in or having friends stop by is not an excuse. Getting called in to work, or having a sick child/partner, is fine, but if you're called in every other week, that's not so cool.

So, make sure that you're unreliable for the right reasons. Talk to the DM. Be prepared to hear that it is a problem.

 

[S'mon]

I created a campaign deliberately designed to be suitable for 'unreliable players.' I used the old-school Gygaxian model of a group of unassociated adventurers get together for a single-session delve. This has generally worked well IMO. Although some unreliable players love the IDEA of those deep, many-session quest campaigns and aren't interested in episodic play. There's no helping them.

 

[jasper]

Since you are unreliable, send me all your gaming stuff and 90 % of your paychecks. That way you are out your group's hair, and I get free stuff.

 

[nedjer]

I'm often unreliable, in the sense that something always seems to turn up at the last minute that draws me away from our current regular game. (It's happened before as well.)

Given that the reasons for this unreliability are unlikely to go away, and I want to keep roleplaying when I can, how can I lessen the burden on my group, other players and GM alike?

I asked this over at rpg.se and got some good advice, but I was wondering if there was anything else ENWorld could do to help?

Take extra chocolate to the games you do get to

 

[fba827]

Hmmm...

some ideas (not all would work well together though.. so pick and choose)

1) Explain to the DM that you don't want to be such a flake and therefore rather than being assumed "in" until you are called out, you want to be assumed as a no show and if you show up last minute then great you can play -- but that should remove the question in the players and DMs mind if you're just going to back out last minute as usual...

2) Does the party have a companion or a NPC with them frequently (it need not be the -same- companion or NPC all the time, but is there one).. maybe you can take over that role (or use your PC in that companion's role) for when you are there and then it just gets DMed like before on days that you aren't there. It can be an established NPC or companion that you take over. Or if the DM is able to fit in a role for a companion that you want to create yourself, etc. that way it is more like you're helping the DM handle a NPC on days that you are there.

3) Back out of the regular group session. see if you can host or play in some random side games here and there

4) accept the fact that at the moment your life is too chaotic for a planned group get together and that you just need to wait until your schedule is more stable and then rejoin the group at that time. yes it will be painful and you'll go through withdrawal. but it's better that then have everyone else in the group basically hate you behind your back for being such a flake.

 

[Jhaelen]

What kind of somethings? House fires? Sick family memeber? Job calling you in?

Yeah, that's what I've been wondering about, as well.

If it's not one of those urgent and rather critical reasons, you may just need to get your priorities straight. It may also be a matter of principles: If you're scheduling events strictly on a first come, first served basis, the problem goes away (but may cause other problems because people don't get why gaming is 'more important to you than <X>').

Can they play without you?

That's the really decisive question, though. If they cannot, see above, otherwise you may simply get booted. If they can you can take it easy; the other players will learn not to care if you cannot come.