Improving In-Game Descriptions

[pjrake]

I've been thinking on how I can improve my game descriptions (especially combat scenes) and thought of picking up some good fantasy novels, especially geared towards teenage and young readers (like the Goosebumps book). In those books, the descriptions are basic, and don't have alot of details. Since it's difficult to describe scenes "on the fly", what do you guys think of this idea, and what are some suggestions regarding books to pick up?

-PJ

 

[Raven Crowking]

Anything by Edgar Rice Burroughs or by Robert E. Howard will not only help your descriptions, but will provide some ideas of what to do when the PCs would otherwise be killed outright. Both authors also supply classic adventure ideas and dungeon inspirations. Really, for high energy and simple usable descriptions/details, almost anything from the pulp area is worthwhile.


RC

 

[Janx]

Here's my tips:

be familiar with the types of weapons involved in combat. Not an expert, just be aware that a short sword is more of a stabbing weapon, a longsword a slashing weapon. This will help in your descriptions (and for most swords, thrusts, jabs, slashes and hacks will be good enough verbs).

get a list of all the kinds of verbs to describe an attack. A thesaurus may help. For martial arts, know all the kinds of real attacks most schools teach is useful. One my blog posts has such a list (as I posted one of the monk schools I wrote up, based on my own background). You don't need to be an expert, but just having a sense of how these weapons are used will help you describe attacks beyond "you hit him for 8 damage"

When a player makes an attack, describe each attack differently, using your newly upgrade vocabulary.

Don't overly describe the damage. Firstly, it gets cumbersome when the GM tries to get gruesome. Nextly, since damage in D&D is nebulous, you don't want to commit to a specific injury, lest the players try to lobby for special effects based on that injury. Additionally, combat is fast paced. Your descriptions should be as well, to invoke that feeling.

Since combat takes place in 2 5'x5' squares, there's plenty of room for side-stepping and moving and jumping, enough to explain a miss, besides just blocking it with a shield, or parrying with a weapon, be bouncing off his armor (which are also good explanations).

Here's some examples of what I tell players during their attacks:
"you jab at him, but he just barely sidesteps"
"he catches a grazing blow from your hammer"
"he deflects your attack with his sword, and readies to return the favor"
"your blade skips across his armor"

In all cases, keep it short, and choppy, just like combat itself.

Never use a description that adds more actual event or action that what happened mechanically. If your hammer attack can't knock somebody out of their current square, than don't describe it as "your hammer blow sends him flying across the room." Additionally, since you'll be describing how a PC avoids getting hit, you don't want to ascribe an action the PC didn't actually take, nor block him from his next action that he can legitimately make.

 

[Stoat]

The best thing that happened to my combat descriptions was the Iliad. What I learned is this: be concrete. The combat descriptions in the Iliad will curl your hair, because Homer is real specific about what's going on. People get stabbed in the eye, the heart, the voicebox, the legs, the spine, etc. There's isn't always a lot of detail, but there doesn't need to be. "Stabbed in the eye" draws a pretty sharp mental picture.

Generally, I don't put a whole lot of description into non-lethal hits. "A glancing blow." "A devastating shot." "A cruel wound." "Hits you hard." I save the description for the killing blow. Then I take a page from Homer, imagine where the wound landed, and go from there.

 

[Janx]

I would argue against exact details, like "stabbed in the eye"

The reason is because D&D has no hit-locations and no special effects for injuries.

This means that if you say the bad guy was "stabbed in the eye" the players will expect a side effect for it (like being easier to flank or something)

If you hit a player with "stabbed in the eye" you just mangled their PC, and now they've got concerns on whether the healing spells will fix it.

Additionally, a PC only has 2 eyes, so you can only pull that description on a PC once (then they're blind). Whereas, an NPC only lives through 1 fight usually, so poking an eye out isn't too important, he's going to die soon anyway.

If I do describe a specific injury, it is for a killing blow, where the damage is pretty much permanent and lethal anyway.

 

[Stoat]

I would argue against exact details, like "stabbed in the eye"

The reason is because D&D has no hit-locations and no special effects for injuries.

This means that if you say the bad guy was "stabbed in the eye" the players will expect a side effect for it (like being easier to flank or something)

If you hit a player with "stabbed in the eye" you just mangled their PC, and now they've got concerns on whether the healing spells will fix it.

Additionally, a PC only has 2 eyes, so you can only pull that description on a PC once (then they're blind). Whereas, an NPC only lives through 1 fight usually, so poking an eye out isn't too important, he's going to die soon anyway.

If I do describe a specific injury, it is for a killing blow, where the damage is pretty much permanent and lethal anyway.

I may not have been clear, but I agree with you. I distinguish between hits taken by PC's and hits taken by NPC's. NPC's (a) have less access to healing and (b) are more likely to die and never return. Consequently, I think it's entirely appropriate to describe their wounds in vivid, graphic, gory detail. PC's have access to healing, and in 4E access to non-magic healing. Consequently, I tend to be a lot more vague about the injuries they suffer.

 

[Woas]

Let the players add the description. That'll cull about 80% of the burden right there.
Next, I'd suggest some Lewis Carroll like Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There (not any of the Disney trash remakes). Another good source of inspiration is war diaries. Maybe not for the nitty-gritty narration of blow-by-blow combat but for larger mood/theme narration. An era works, even stuff from recent years in Iraq/Desert Storm.

 

[weem]

I think reading (particularly the genre you are interested in/playing) helps the most. Not that I am awesome at it, or even read a lot, I just think it's what can contribute the most to a broader vocabulary of those (combat) situations which is really what you are going for most of the time - a different way to describe the various hits and action.

In my case, I get random with it for the most part thinking of what immediately comes to mind as far as hit locations and descriptions based on how good the roll was. I also incorporate the description i gave them for the action on their turn (when they don't provide it).

EX:

Player 1 hits... I might say, "You crouch low and to the right before shifting forward and piercing his thigh"

Then on their turn, Mob 1 hits Player 1... "Your stab to his thigh forced him to step back, but as he did he swings down slashing your shoulder"

It's pretty easy to envision and express, and it ties the action together well (for me and my games).

 

[jaerdaph]

Here are some very basic tips that are good to keep in mind when writing or relaying descriptions:

1. Appeal to the five senses - sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Not necessarily every sense in every discription, but don't forget they're all there if you need them.

2. Try to answer who/what/when/where/why whenever you can or when the situation warrants. Again, not necessarily in every discription.

Sometimes I think these are so obvious we can tend to forget about them and don't think of them consciously.

Another thing I like to do - use the roll of the dice to gauge things - "you narrowly miss hitting the orc", "you barely scratch the goblin", "you can feel the breeze as your battle axe slices through air nowhere near the troll."

 

[Theo R Cwithin]

1. Appeal to the five senses - sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Not necessarily every sense in every discription, but don't forget they're all there if you need them.

2. Try to answer who/what/when/where/why whenever you can or when the situation warrants. Again, not necessarily in every discription.

This is excellent advice, IMHO. And like Jaerdaph said, you needn't hit all these points; just throwing in three or four descriptive words can really improve a description.

Also, don't forget delivery. By slightly upping the tempo and raising the pitch (not volume!) your voice , you add a lot of kinetic tension to a battle scene. Conversely, deepening the voice and slowing down speech can make even a mundane place description a little eerie or disconcerting. It feels odd at first, but it works (in real life, as well!).