Improving In-Game Descriptions

I think reading (particularly the genre you are interested in/playing) helps the most. Not that I am awesome at it, or even read a lot, I just think it's what can contribute the most to a broader vocabulary of those (combat) situations which is really what you are going for most of the time - a different way to describe the various hits and action.

In my case, I get random with it for the most part thinking of what immediately comes to mind as far as hit locations and descriptions based on how good the roll was. I also incorporate the description i gave them for the action on their turn (when they don't provide it).

EX:

Player 1 hits... I might say, "You crouch low and to the right before shifting forward and piercing his thigh"

Then on their turn, Mob 1 hits Player 1... "Your stab to his thigh forced him to step back, but as he did he swings down slashing your shoulder"

It's pretty easy to envision and express, and it ties the action together well (for me and my games).


I'll often incorporate the description of the last action into the current one, to make a more seemless fight.

For example, 2 attacks by you, followed by the opponents attack:
"you slash with your longsword, but he parries your blade high"
"you recover quickly, however and thrust into his side while his sword is still raised high"
"he reels from the blow, then counters with a stinging slice across your chest"

One change I like in 3E is that they made rounds be 6 seconds. It's easier and more plausible to simply assume that each attack roll is a sword swing in such a short time (though in real life, rounds would be even shorter), than in 2E where a round was 1 minute. That required more fluff text to describe, since it was obvious that a lot more than 1 sword hit had to be going on for that minute.
 

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Getting off of combat, here's some thoughts on describing locations:

Describe the obvious stuff first.

This means obvious unhidden threats and visible exits first. It's what a paranoid adventurer will really notice first.

By doing this first, you allow for the player to interrupt you with "we attack them" the moment you say "there are some orcs in the room", rather than surprising them with "while you are counting the treasure on the floor, the orcs that were standing in plain sight attack you" which is patently stupid.

Basically, don't hide what's obvious to anybody standing at the door of a room. The person might not get the count of beds in the room, but he'll know the room has beds on the left wall. He'll see the door on the right.

He'll see the beds have some people sleeping in them (orcs) and there's 3 orcs playing cards on the right, near the door.


If there is less obvious stuff, be vague about it in the initial description, waiting for the PCs to ask about it (implying that they are searching, or at least actively looking at it the area.

The player may notice there's some stuff on the floor by each bed, but not know right away that they are shoes, shirt, and a sword belt, with a money pouch underneath each pillow that has an orc sleeping on it.

If you use a battlemat, draw out the room quickly, while describing it. You can spend less time talking about the visual aspects, especially the technical bits like dimensions which are inherently obvious on a mat. Instead talk about the extra sense like smell and state of decay or materials used.

Its also OK that if for a given facility (dungeon, castle, whatever) that pretty much all the walls and floor are the same, because that would be common. Only crazy interior decorators change the flooring and walls for every room.

If you want to describe the room dimensions, without using numbers (being verbose but not tedious), establish a set of keywords that you use for room types.

"A narrow but deep room" would describe something that the back wall is far away from where the PCs entered, but not very wide

"A wide but shallow room" would be the opposite.

Work up standard description for a T, and a branch and a crossing, and you'd be set.

In any event avoid relaying room dimensions, its tedious, and unless the PC is using a tape measure, they would only be eyeballing it anyway. You're not trying to trick them, you trying to help them visualize it and interact with it.
 

Here are some very basic tips that are good to keep in mind when writing or relaying descriptions:

1. Appeal to the five senses - sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Not necessarily every sense in every discription, but don't forget they're all there if you need them.

2. Try to answer who/what/when/where/why whenever you can or when the situation warrants. Again, not necessarily in every discription.

Sometimes I think these are so obvious we can tend to forget about them and don't think of them consciously.

Another thing I like to do - use the roll of the dice to gauge things - "you narrowly miss hitting the orc", "you barely scratch the goblin", "you can feel the breeze as your battle axe slices through air nowhere near the troll."

:confused: Wow. Somehow I caught teh stoopid today and forgot how to spell "description"...

Anyhow, I found these really cool lists when doing a quick Google on "descriptive words" (the second one is a PDF):

Descriptive words

http://www.hancockcollege.edu/owl/pdf/Other Handouts/Descriptive words.pdf
 

As a player, if you give me creative license over things my character does, (Such as telling me I hit, but let me determine how), chances are I will do it.

For example, in a PbP game in Talking the Talk, "Off to War" DMed by HolyMan, my character is a houseruled monk(some changed skills and proficiencies, and monk-abilities are keyed on charisma instead of will, since the guy was a wellmeaning farmboy, not an ascetic sage) who is focused on unarmed combat(obviously).

At the moment he's in a fight circle with another guy (sorta like MMA, except with less formal rules and such, and less fanfare) in the middle of a warcamp. When I perform a trip attack, I attempt to describe the type of action, such as Aidan(my character), sliding into a crouch as he whirls to try and sweep the guy off of his feet. Or kicking him in the kneecap to one side attempting to make his knee buckle, etc...

Not sure if that was helpful at all, but the rest of the advice given is good as well.
 

what are some suggestions regarding books to pick up?
RC's suggestions are good. If you also wanted to check out something more recent, David Gemmell's Drenai books (e.g., Legend) kick along at pace, dispense with textual diarrhoea, and contain some good combat scenes, among other things. There's something of Conan in there actually, but again, not just that.
 

Theroc - I think that's a good idea. Instead of the DM trying to always set the mood, dump some of the responsibility off on the players. Tell them that they can narrate their actions. It can help to bring them into the action, and, after a while, it can become very much second nature.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say avoid the pulps for one simple reason - the descriptions are very verbose and I'm not sure if they are particularly good descriptions in game. They are certainly good places to start though, I'll give them that.

For me, I don't want to bog the game down, so, shorter phrases, delivered fast and hard is the way to go. While I hate those Goosebumps books, I can see where you're coming from with the idea. They do get the job done with a minimum of frippery.

My advice - keep it short, sweet and concrete.
 

From "At the Earth's Core" by Edgar Rice Burroughs

I looked, and there, emerging from the dense wood, came a perfect whale of a man. He must have been seven feet tall, and proportioned accordingly. He still was too far off to distinguish his features.

"Run," I said to Dian. "I can engage him until you get a good start. Maybe I can hold him until you have gotten entirely away," and then, without a backward glance, I advanced to meet the Ugly One. I had hoped that Dian would have a kind word to say to me before she went, for she must have known that I was going to my death for her sake; but she never even so much as bid me good-bye, and it was with a heavy heart that I strode through the flower-bespangled grass to my doom.

When I had come close enough to Jubal to distinguish his features I understood how it was that he had earned the sobriquet of Ugly One. Apparently some fearful beast had ripped away one entire side of his face. The eye was gone, the nose, and all the flesh, so that his jaws and all his teeth were exposed and grinning through the horrible scar.

Formerly he may have been as good to look upon as the others of his handsome race, and it may be that the terrible result of this encounter had tended to sour an already strong and brutal character. However this may be it is quite certain that he was not a pretty sight, and now that his features, or what remained of them, were distorted in rage at the sight of Dian with another male, he was indeed most terrible to see--and much more terrible to meet.

He had broken into a run now, and as he advanced he raised his mighty spear, while I halted and fitting an arrow to my bow took as steady aim as I could. I was somewhat longer than usual, for I must confess that the sight of this awful man had wrought upon my nerves to such an extent that my knees were anything but steady. What chance had I against this mighty warrior for whom even the fiercest cave bear had no terrors! Could I hope to best one who slaughtered the sadok and dyryth singlehanded! I shuddered; but, in fairness to myself, my fear was more for Dian than for my own fate.

And then the great brute launched his massive stone-tipped spear, and I raised my shield to break the force of its terrific velocity. The impact hurled me to my knees, but the shield had deflected the missile and I was unscathed. Jubal was rushing upon me now with the only remaining weapon that he carried--a murderous-looking knife. He was too close for a careful bowshot, but I let drive at him as he came, without taking aim. My arrow pierced the fleshy part of his thigh, inflicting a painful but not disabling wound. And then he was upon me.

My agility saved me for the instant. I ducked beneath his raised arm, and when he wheeled to come at me again he found a sword's point in his face. And a moment later he felt an inch or two of it in the muscles of his knife arm, so that thereafter he went more warily.

It was a duel of strategy now--the great, hairy man maneuvering to get inside my guard where he could bring those giant thews to play, while my wits were directed to the task of keeping him at arm's length. Thrice he rushed me, and thrice I caught his knife blow upon my shield. Each time my sword found his body--once penetrating to his lung. He was covered with blood by this time, and the internal hemorrhage induced paroxysms of coughing that brought the red stream through the hideous mouth and nose, covering his face and breast with bloody froth. He was a most unlovely spectacle, but he was far from dead.

As the duel continued I began to gain confidence, for, to be perfectly candid, I had not expected to survive the first rush of that monstrous engine of ungoverned rage and hatred. And I think that Jubal, from utter contempt of me, began to change to a feeling of respect, and then in his primitive mind there evidently loomed the thought that perhaps at last he had met his master, and was facing his end.

At any rate it is only upon this hypothesis that I can account for his next act, which was in the nature of a last resort--a sort of forlorn hope, which could only have been born of the belief that if he did not kill me quickly I should kill him. It happened on the occasion of his fourth charge, when, instead of striking at me with his knife, he dropped that weapon, and seizing my sword blade in both his hands wrenched the weapon from my grasp as easily as from a babe.

Flinging it far to one side he stood motionless for just an instant glaring into my face with such a horrid leer of malignant triumph as to almost unnerve me--then he sprang for me with his bare hands. But it was Jubal's day to learn new methods of warfare. For the first time he had seen a bow and arrows, never before that duel had he beheld a sword, and now he learned what a man who knows may do with his bare fists.

As he came for me, like a great bear, I ducked again beneath his outstretched arm, and as I came up planted as clean a blow upon his jaw as ever you have seen. Down went that great mountain of flesh sprawling upon the ground. He was so surprised and dazed that he lay there for several seconds before he made any attempt to rise, and I stood over him with another dose ready when he should gain his knees.

Up he came at last, almost roaring in his rage and mortification; but he didn't stay up--I let him have a left fair on the point of the jaw that sent him tumbling over on his back. By this time I think Jubal had gone mad with hate, for no sane man would have come back for more as many times as he did. Time after time I bowled him over as fast as he could stagger up, until toward the last he lay longer on the ground between blows, and each time came up weaker than before.

He was bleeding very profusely now from the wound in his lungs, and presently a terrific blow over the heart sent him reeling heavily to the ground, where he lay very still, and somehow I knew at once that Jubal the Ugly One would never get up again. But even as I looked upon that massive body lying there so grim and terrible in death, I could not believe that I, single-handed, had bested this slayer of fearful beasts--this gigantic ogre of the Stone Age.
 

The goal is not to reproduce that type of prose in your game, but to internalize it enough that you can come up with the most evocative details at the time. Similarly, when I played a swashbuckler once, I read through Mercutio's lines in Romeo & Juliet before game session -- not so that I could reproduce the lines, but so that I could reproduce the tone and style.


RC
 

RC, I think you just showed what I was talking about. The prose style of someone like Burroughs is pretty verbose. It reads great. It doesn't speak great. Heh. If you were to try to speak that way in game, it would be clumsy as heck.

Now Shakespeare? Ok, fine. No problem. Actually that brings up a great source - theatrical play. You have a very short amount of time to say the lines. There's simply no room for extraneous words. I would totally agree that going to plays or possibly movie scripts for a much better source of inspiration.
 

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