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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 8379247" data-attributes="member: 67">Judgement for Round 1, Match 3 Wicht vs. humble minionStructurally, these two entries are about as different as they could possibly be. Wicht’s Incident With A Lucky Angel (“Incident”) is essentially a sandbox with stakes baked in. humble minion’s The Tree Of Dying (“Tree”) is a mostly straight-forward, mostly linear mission handed to some military PCs. A simple, direct adventure. At least at first.All other things being equal, I’d expect the sandbox to be a more satisfying play-experience, if handled well, but I will point out at the outset that linearity in an adventure is not inherently a bad thing. Linear adventures probably run a greater risk of having problems pop up, but that isn’t necessarily the case, either.How do these adventures compare?Let’s start with Hooks and Stakes:[spoiler]A pretty large chunk of “Incident” is taken up with background, which is not normally a great sign in an entry, but this background does a very good job of including some strong (and varied) stakes in the adventure.The potential hooks are also pretty good, although I’m not sure why or how the second listed hook would come up. Who wants the PCs to fix the broken angel statue? Why?I note that these questions both have clear answers if the second hook is rolled into the third one. All in all, pretty good.“Tree” gives us almost no background and a very early, very simple and direct mission (with two very interesting complications that will pop up later, but I’ll get back to that). Given the military nature of the game, this kind of hook seems appropriate and effective.One thing that this entry does to save itself from having to relate background is to rely very heavily on the established setting of the game. Since the GM is presumably going to be familiar with the system and setting, this makes the adventure quite efficient in conveying extra information.Unfortunately, the extensive use of unexplained jargon works against the entry when it comes to making ingredients’ relationships to the adventure and to each other very clear. But we’ll get to that later. For the presentation of the adventure, the choice was a good one.[/spoiler]Now, the Structure of the Adventure:[spoiler]As I said before, “Incident” is essentially a sandbox. Some sandboxes are better than others, however, and this entry does something very skillful in it’s presentation: it’s various factions and encounters all suggest relationships with each other and many of them introduce very compelling stakes, sometimes in ways that will necessarily change the direction of the adventure. This is all very good.There are some things that might be a bit better with a little bit more information (for example, how long have the dragon-riding mutants been raiding the Koals? Will they continue if things are returned to normal?), but this is fundamentally a very strong structure.There is one thing missing, though, and I think it’s lack is more apparent because of the sandbox-structure of the adventure: there aren’t really any rewards for the PCs in this entry. At least, no material rewards, as far as I can tell. “Tree” doesn’t really have any either, but the mostly linear set-up means that there’s going to be a more satisfying sense of pay-off at the end if they are successful (especially if they realize they would otherwise be killed).Maybe this is a subjective thing, but my sense is that the sandbox structure is going to plant a seed in the players’ minds that they will want to find neat things, and there’s no help in the entry, here.As for “Tree”, this entry is remarkably linear right up until the PCs find the Target, but it does some things to complicate the experience in satisfying ways and is presented flexibly enough that the linearity could mostly be masked pretty easily. If the GM is fairly skilled, at least.One particular potential trouble-spot needs to be addressed, though. The adventure pretty much requires that Secretbearer survives through most of the early stuff, since both of the major complications that mark the transition out of the linear part are focused around that one PC. The fact that both hinge on only one player’s decisions might be a bit of an issue, too. The secret order to kill the Target might work fine (as long as the Secretbearer is alive), because it creates conflict with the rest of the party and, hence, involves them.The fact that Llifyr only contacts the Secretbearer is more of a problem. On the one hand, because the other PCs might soon not trust the Secretbearer it means they will likely also not trust Llifyr. If they even believe the communication happened in the first place.  That’s fun.  On the other hand, as written, the Secretbearer has to survive, or the bad-faith deal will never be delivered to the party. This is easily fixed by having Llifyr contact each of them, in turn. Bonus points if she sows mistrust among the PCs along the way. Which I can totally see, if she views the Deathwatch as a threat equal to the orks.Stepping back to take a wider view, I think “Tree” is serviceable until the PCs find Target, and at that point, the complicating factors start shaking things up and creating some very fun chaos. Add to that, I think the pay-off for success is very satisfying.“Incident” is kind of the opposite. Most of it is excellent and engaging, but the pay-off for solving the various high-stakes that come up is going to be dependent on how invested the players are in reestablishing the Koal society. There isn’t really much else to motivate them.I think, on the whole, “Incident” is a bit of a better adventure, but not so much that a better set of incorporated ingredients couldn’t tip the scales.[/spoiler]Thus, Ingredients:[spoiler]Both entries come out strong with rotting incursions of Ghost Mushrooms. In both cases, the mushrooms play a pretty significant role in the adventure; in “Incident”, they are both the metaphorical representation of and the literal cause of the rotting society.In “Tree”, they are tied to an incursion of orks (because Warhammer orks are fungi, if memory serves).Unfortunately, I couldn’t see in either entry why it mattered that they were ghostly (or even in what way they were really ghostly). I will concede that I may have missed some nuance in “Tree” due to a less-than-deep knowledge of the setting. Some explanation of the jargon may have cleared this up. Lacking that, though, both entries are about even on this ingredient.Similarly, “Tree” introduces a Rotting Utopia that doesn’t really explain why it used to be a utopia, but, again, a more in-depth knowledge of the setting might. At any rate, the rotting is pervasive throughout the adventure. In a way, every single fight with an ork is tied into it.“Incident” is a little better at presenting an actual utopia (although I’m not sure the adventure wouldn’t work as well if it was any small society at all). Where it really shines, however, is in doubling down on the rot, making a theme of the ingredient that supports and shapes the entire sandbox. This is the kind of thing I love to see in an ingredient, so I definitely have to lean toward “Incident”, here.It’s use of Bear Necessities, on the other hand? Well, it’s clever, and it plays an important role in establishing the stakes and the major threat within the adventure. It’s good.I kind of like the use in “Trees”, more. First of all, it is more directly attached to the PCs, since it is something they’re going to have to live with right from the start. In order to traverse this setting, they can’t take all the gear they would want with them. This doesn’t mean much if it never comes back to them, but this scenario does bring it back: the PCs are probably going to have to grapple with it again at the end, when they need to figure out a way to topple the massive tree. Good stuff.In perhaps the most coincidental convergence of ingredient interpretations I’ve ever witnessed in these tournaments, both entries provide giant armored water-dragon mounts as their Armored Lizards! I can’t even begin to understand how that happened. Is there something in the zeitgeist that I’ve missed?In neither case does the armor matter that much (except that combat with both is likely). Again, this might be less true if I knew more about the Eldar armor in “Tree”, but the entry doesn’t explain it, so I don’t.I also don’t see why the dragons need to be dragons at all (or if I should even count them as lizards), but they work within the context of the adventures, at least. It may be a slightly better fit in “Tree” given the watery setting, but just a bit.I will say, in “Incident”, they could just as well have been mechanized kangaroos, or anything at all. I know I’m just restating my point, but I wanted an excuse to type out “mechanized kangaroos.”I’m calling this ingredient a wash.The Rootless Tree is used well in both entries. In “Incident”, it is a reinforcement of the main theme explored in the entry, as well as the catalyst and a major threat that the PCs will need to deal with. If they find out about it.I am curious about something, though. When the branch falls and breaks off the statue’s head, is it because there was already some rot before the breaking? The entry seems to imply, no, but I think it might be more interesting if the answer was yes. Noting that it would have some pretty significant (and possibly contradictory) thematic implications if it was, of course. Hmmm.Anyway, “Tree” has a more clever implementation, although not necessarily stronger. The tree in question is literally rootless, but it also is figuratively rootless as it drifts upon the water. Clever. Even better, the fact that it is literally rootless means that the PCs can topple it (if they find a way) to solve some of the ork-infestation problem.This ingredient is very strong in both entries, so no edge to either one, I think.I’m a lot less impressed with the Broken Angel in “Tree”, though. It only comes up as a potential character choice (made before the start of the adventure, of course) and is about as relevant to the adventure as you could expect an ingredient to be when it might not actually show up at all.In contrast, “Incident” does very well. Not only is it’s broken state a cause of much of the adventure’s tension, it also comes back again as a looming threat. It doesn’t seem to matter much that it is an angel, but there is some thematic grounding for it. Presumably, it’s creators chose to represent it as an angel because it was part of a guarding ward. Guardian angel. Get it? It’s good.Let’s do a quick check on how these ingredients stack up.…Looks like “Incident” is slightly better, here. [/spoiler]Which means…[spoiler]Add to that, “Incident” does an incredible job of tying its ingredients together. Everything but the Armored Lizard is tightly woven in with everything else. “Tree” is often quite clever with its ingredients, and they are generally well-integrated with each other and the adventure, but, where “Tree” is often excellent in this arena, “Incident” is transcendent.And it’s adventure is very well-crafted, too.[USER=5948]@humble minion[/USER], I truly enjoyed your entry (more with each read) and I find your work impressive. I don’t think I have anything to suggest for improvement; you made some choices along the way and I have no doubt that you recognized the risks as you did so.This entry shows why you are an IRON DM, but Wicht’s shows why it’s so hard to hold that title back to back in these tournaments.Both are impressive works, but [USER=221]@Wicht[/USER] advances to Round 2.[/spoiler]</blockquote>

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