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<blockquote data-quote="Neurotic" data-source="post: 8391832" data-attributes="member: 24380"><p>So, finally, some time to write a commentary on my post. And I have several questions regarding the English language. I understand it may be weird to ask questions about it in literary competition, but I seem to have some misunderstanding about the use of some 'features'.</p><p></p><p>I quoted bits and pieces of IronSky judgment, I'll add others as I come to them.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I wrote it in about an hour, sorry about that. I guess my punishment is that I didn't pass into the finals. Monday evening I had 3 different scenarios, this one was most compelling.</p><p>1. Save the friar: The court in three meanings in this one: judicial court, fey winter court, and kingdoms court.</p><p>2. Fey warlock pretending to be a vampire</p><p>3. A wizard scholar so focused on his research he moves his urges and emotions into homunculi- so salacious comes just like in this one, but the one looking for help is "innocence". The real bad guy is female apprentice, the wizard doesn't really notice anything around himself including her and she wants power NOW.</p><p></p><p></p><p>So, Question 1:</p><p>THE vs A(N) - my understanding is that "THE" represents a specific thing (not a specific KNOWN thing) - so I used it like THE sorcerer, THIS one, in this story. Not just any sorcerer. Why is that wrong? I mean, obviously, you don't know YET who it is, but it is THE sorcerer.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The sorcerer rejuvenates HIMSELF. Why is this wrong? The sentence runs something like The sorcerer (the subject) does something (a verb) to the kids (objects) in order to rejuvenate (another verb) - but this one works without qualifier so it works on the subject...doesn't it?</p><p></p><p></p><p>is [that] important within the context? Or it is just with your lexical hat on? In my native language, it is not needed (but can be added as you did)</p><p></p><p><strong>Explanation of all the things missing in the writing:</strong></p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">trap for the salacious homunculus using young ladies because I'm straight and when thinking about lusting after someone it is female. With too little time, I couldn't re-read and recognize the error</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">the homunculus knows what sorcerer knows, thus he can be a source of information regarding the ritual</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">in the writeup, I mention that soulless bodies of boys fight against the PCs - NOT undead (yet) - if PCs subdue them, souls from the gems have functional bodies to return to</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">without holy-water-doused homunculus, the void will not destroy the sorcerer</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">without SOME kind of holy damage the void will start spreading</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">the ritual circle is the thing preventing the void from spreading and at the same time it channels stolen life force into the sorcerer</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">the information could be found in the books (research) in that same room - or through the homunculus</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">nobles and functionaries appearing in the monastery are from kingdoms court, in preparation for kings arrival</li> </ul><p></p><p></p><p>I think that is all. Someone commented I should have passed the deadline. I would...if that thought ever crossed my mind. But I think that way I would struggle with the word count since several things went unsaid.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Neurotic, post: 8391832, member: 24380"] So, finally, some time to write a commentary on my post. And I have several questions regarding the English language. I understand it may be weird to ask questions about it in literary competition, but I seem to have some misunderstanding about the use of some 'features'. I quoted bits and pieces of IronSky judgment, I'll add others as I come to them. I wrote it in about an hour, sorry about that. I guess my punishment is that I didn't pass into the finals. Monday evening I had 3 different scenarios, this one was most compelling. 1. Save the friar: The court in three meanings in this one: judicial court, fey winter court, and kingdoms court. 2. Fey warlock pretending to be a vampire 3. A wizard scholar so focused on his research he moves his urges and emotions into homunculi- so salacious comes just like in this one, but the one looking for help is "innocence". The real bad guy is female apprentice, the wizard doesn't really notice anything around himself including her and she wants power NOW. So, Question 1: THE vs A(N) - my understanding is that "THE" represents a specific thing (not a specific KNOWN thing) - so I used it like THE sorcerer, THIS one, in this story. Not just any sorcerer. Why is that wrong? I mean, obviously, you don't know YET who it is, but it is THE sorcerer. The sorcerer rejuvenates HIMSELF. Why is this wrong? The sentence runs something like The sorcerer (the subject) does something (a verb) to the kids (objects) in order to rejuvenate (another verb) - but this one works without qualifier so it works on the subject...doesn't it? is [that] important within the context? Or it is just with your lexical hat on? In my native language, it is not needed (but can be added as you did) [B]Explanation of all the things missing in the writing:[/B] [LIST] [*]trap for the salacious homunculus using young ladies because I'm straight and when thinking about lusting after someone it is female. With too little time, I couldn't re-read and recognize the error [*]the homunculus knows what sorcerer knows, thus he can be a source of information regarding the ritual [*]in the writeup, I mention that soulless bodies of boys fight against the PCs - NOT undead (yet) - if PCs subdue them, souls from the gems have functional bodies to return to [*]without holy-water-doused homunculus, the void will not destroy the sorcerer [*]without SOME kind of holy damage the void will start spreading [*]the ritual circle is the thing preventing the void from spreading and at the same time it channels stolen life force into the sorcerer [*]the information could be found in the books (research) in that same room - or through the homunculus [*]nobles and functionaries appearing in the monastery are from kingdoms court, in preparation for kings arrival [/LIST] I think that is all. Someone commented I should have passed the deadline. I would...if that thought ever crossed my mind. But I think that way I would struggle with the word count since several things went unsaid. [/QUOTE]
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