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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 8394203" data-attributes="member: 67">Judgement for the 3rd-Place Match: Neurotic vs. el-remmenBefore I get into the critique of these entries, I want to emphasize for the authors and audience that I have had much more time to analyze these entries than the contestants had to write them. That’s important to keep in mind, because the act of dissecting a work can often seem harsh when taken out of it’s context.What these contestants were tasked with — and achieved — is something most of us have never even attempted. Myself included.The very fact that we have two imaginative entries that inspire and are coherently functional is in itself an impressive achievement on the part of both authors.The critiques that follow are not indicative of a lack of quality. They are simply a necessary part of the process of judgement.Stakes on Hooks[spoiler]To sleep, perchance to dream.[spoiler]Neurotic’s entry, The Great Dream, (“Dream”) gives us a serviceable hook in time-honored tradition of compelling PC prisoners to risk their lives. It works well, and obviously has a tied-in motivation (freedom), but I’m a little disappointed in the implementation.Specifically, the non-criminal part of the qualifications that the King is looking for are so ubiquitous that I think they would apply to most adventurers with any significant amount of experience behind them. The hook could have been just that and would be better for this adventure specifically, because it would make it easier for this adventure to be used as part of an on-going campaign. Which is something the setting very much wants to be.As for stakes, these are strong and their effects are felt early and often. This is good for the adventure and would be good for the continuing campaign, if that were likely to happen. I’m not so sure it is, but I’ll revisit that assessment later on.[/spoiler]You gotta fight for your right to bards be.[spoiler]On the other hand, el-remmen’s entry, Fools Rush In (“Fools”), has a more applicable hook, because it doesn’t assume the PCs are specifically suited for the task they are given. They may be, but if they aren’t, they will be faced with an even more interesting challenge.Additionally, the hook assumes that the PCs have some helpful information up front (the existence of the magical workshop), which provides the players with a constant goal to work towards should they ever question their next step. And it does so in a non-linear kind of way.Significantly, much of the necessary expositional underpinnings for the adventure are loaded into the hook. If the PCs know that their task is to thwart the King’s nefarious ambitions, they will also know that he likely doesn’t really intend to end up with a bard at all, particularly one with legal protection.This means of delivering information is both efficient for the entry and for the DM attempting to run the adventure. Furthermore, the stakes of the adventure are introduced clearly from the very start with the hook and consistently reinforced as the violence of the event steadily increases.[/spoiler][/spoiler]Wherein I’ll catch the un-conscience of two Kings.[spoiler]Bard to the bone.[spoiler]”Fools” has a very compelling villain, whom we are given enough insight into to make his malevolent glee a constant presence during the event. This is fun. Add to that the insane reality-show environment that is being deliberately cultivated and the tensions will certainly be high.The adventure’s structure is basically very solid. Survive a few events, make some alliances, survive some rivals, sneak off to find the workshop, and ultimately defeat the King’s golem. This is a very interesting scenario, strengthened by it’s non-linear presentation and emphasis on player-driven solutions.Unfortunately, there are a few areas where this doesn’t work out as well. A few of the events very much want some examples to help the DM out. Especially the puzzle competition. As well, the contests that amount to succeeding on skill checks to avoid getting shot seem an ironic combination of lethally punitive and boringly implemented. And I have absolutely no idea how the DM is meant to determine how many laughs a joke gets. Perform check, maybe?I have more to say, specifically about the implementation of the feast, but it ties in to a couple of ingredients, so I’ll get back to that in due time.On the whole, a well-conceived and impressively implemented scenario.[/spoiler]Nothing really matters, anyone can see.[spoiler]“Dream” is less tight an adventure, and certainly has less going on within it. It does have the potential for so much more, but the meat of the adventure is essentially: travel to the border, find the weapon-mecha, fight the formians.The simplicity of this scenario is not a knock against it. It is a solid structure, and does not expect any specific approach from the PCs, thus avoiding much of the linearity that would likely make such simplicity unsatisfying. I especially like that the travel portion is meant to be an exercise in attrition.(Although, I note that, between the travel-attrition and the use of formians, this adventure is clearly not meant for 5e D&D, as neither are supported without some work on the DM’s part – which this entry has no help for. That might be important information to call out early on.)That said: simple, but solid.And the setting!“Dream” has inadverdently hit upon a conceit that floods me with fond memories of my first 3e D&D campaign, which was also based around characters native to a Dream constructed by a dreaming deity. Of course, that is a pretty broad superficial similarity, but it turns out that the setting “Dream” gives us is specifically (yet surely coincidentally) tailored to set specifically my imagination on fire!Since this judgement isn’t about me, I’ll forgo providing details, but I did want to bring my old campaign into this for one specific purpose:“Dream” has within it a solution to a problem I never was able to fully solve while running that game, lo those many years ago. Specifically, even with charts to help, the constant emphasis on shifting the surreal environment was a mounting improvisational burden on the DM as the campaign progressed.“Dream” does not preclude such methods, but provides one simple — yet crucial — source of relief. “Dream” hands the power to make small changes within the environment over to the players. Which, while tiny, is also huge. Not only does that take pressure off of the DM’s creativity, it does so in a way that increases the players’ investment into the setting.When I say that I find this to be elegantly brilliant, understand that I am speaking with the weight of over two decades behind the sentiment.This is the primary reason that I find the setting wants to be a campaign. The evocative and imaginative details that comprise the setting only reinforce that core truth.But that’s where the disappointment sets in. Unless I’ve misread it, this adventure seems to nihilistically expect that the PCs will fail to prevent the formians from destroying The Dream. They are endless, and the PCs are not.I can’t imagine this would be a satisfying conclusion for the players to play through, but besides that, it feels like a great waste of an opportunity to further explore the beautiful concepts and mechanics that the setting has to offer. Oh well.[/spoiler] [/spoiler]Ingredients[spoiler]Fools Rush In[spoiler]I’m not convinced that the formians in “Dream” count as fools, being controlled by a hive-mind, and all. The dominated or charmed soldiers that fight for them might qualify quite a bit better, however. In either case, this isn’t really relative to the adventure until the very end.In contrast, “Fools” uses this ingredient as the initial scenario and the multiple definitions of “fools” that are applicable are quite appreciated, as well. Bards hoping to be court jesters rush headlong into a perilous situation despite ample evidence that they should not. And, once they do, they spend much of that time in a hazy dream-state, fighting amongst themselves as their true peril gains in strength.This is an exceptional ingredient usage.[/spoiler]Mecha[spoiler]”Fools” has a very interesting golem which the King can store his soul in to wreak havoc on the bards he so hates and, eventually, the neighboring kingdoms he probably isn’t on great terms with, either.For quite a while I couldn’t figure out why this was a mecha, though, when a remotely controlled golem would be far more practical. After all, the very act of placing his soul into the golem is twice-perilous. The body remains comatose, and the destruction of the golem can’t be good for the inhabiting soul.Eventually, it occurred to me that this villain doesn’t care about practicality. He is sadistic, malicious, vindictive, and petty. He likely had the magic jar feature built in for the sole reason that he wants to experience the carnage first-hand. He is a delightfully single-minded villain, whom the players will no doubt relish in defeating.“Dream” provides a collection of mecha that are intended to be used in the upcoming war against the formians. Other than their ability to see into the Mists, I don’t know why these weapons need to be in the form of mecha.I can think of one reason they could have. If the mecha could protect their operators from the domination and charm effects of their formian foes, this ingredient would make a lot more sense. But we know that they don’t, because our first introduction of one is an attack from a presumably-dominated soldier.Another one for “Fools”.[/spoiler]Weapon in Waiting[spoiler]”I also was not quite sure why the mecha in “Dream” have been hidden away for so long. At first. This was tied into my initial confusion as to why the border’s failing needed to be kept secret in the first place.But it is actually extremely important, because the malleable nature of the setting means that it’s frightened denizens will subtly shape the world with their fears. This effect will be cumulative, and, indeed, may be the actual reason for the dream’s ultimate destruction.“Fools” uses this ingredient very well. The charging golem is a looming threat for the entire adventure, and the PCs have a chance to find that out early enough to change their approach to defeating it.Both adventures tie this ingredient in tightly to the stakes of the adventure and I would be inclined to give both equal weight, but for one thing. Ultimately, the weapons in “Dream” won’t matter, if the PCs are doomed to fail anyway.Thus, this one goes to “Fools”, as well.[/spoiler]Fading Dreamscape[spoiler]”Fool” uses the fading dreamscape as an interesting complication within the adventure. In particular, this ingredient keeps the fools confused in order to (among other results no doubt amusing to the spectators) ensure that the fools continue to eat after the first feast kills a bunch of them. This is pretty good. It is also tied into the protections around the golem in the workshop, which is also good. That it is fading because its source is charging the golem is also a fun detail to note.Of course, this is the strongest ingredient in “Dream”, as it is, after all, the setting and stakes for the entire adventure. This ingredient provides the framework and the drive that moves the adventure and is, therefore, excellent.[/spoiler]Feast of Fools[spoiler]”Dream” does far less well with this one, however. The carrion on the field, first of all, is only a feast of fools inasmuch as the “Fools Rush In” ingredient lived up to its name. Furthermore, the carrion doesn’t particularly seem to serve any purpose, other than scenery.On the other hand, “Fools” makes the feast an important nightly event that is intended to both thin the crowd and instill an unhealthy (but appropriate) paranoia.I think it could have been better if, in addition to the randomized lethal poison, all of the other bards’ meals were drugged with hallucinogens. It just seems like that would make more sense than loading so many features into one magical music-box.But that’s just an idea, and not even a mutually exclusive one. The implementation we have works and matters. Repeatedly. Indeed, the resulting paranoia may even be constant.[/spoiler]Magical Workshop[spoiler]”Fools” gives us a magic workshop that is central to the action in a couple of ways. First, it is an actual place the PCs can find and encounter the golem (and its protecting music-box) in. Additionally, the PCs will be searching for it from the very start, so it’s existence will be be present in their minds, even before they locate it.Superficially, the magical workshops in both entries serve a similar purpose for their Kings, but the one in “Dream” doesn’t really play into the actual adventure.Even if the PCs can visit it (which seems unlikely or impossible), they don’t need to, as they will be given dream-gems by the king (which, by the way, can they even use against the Mist?). And I don’t know what they would do there if they did visit.Another ingredient for “Fools.”[/spoiler][/spoiler]...…Which brings us to…[spoiler]As much as I love the setting “Dream” has given us, and as functional as the adventure within it is, I do think that “Fools” is a well-conceived adventure that has quite a lot for the players to do packed within it’s castle walls. The strong ingredient-use seals the deal.Let’s see what the other judges have to say……The judges are fully aligned, for once![USER=24380]@Neurotic[/USER], this time around, I do think maybe I have some advice for your future attempts. You have consistently shown in your works a skillful and imaginative mind. In this very quick entry, you have also given us a glimpse of brilliance.I would suggest that you embrace your strengths. When you have an idea that has the potential to be transcendent (as you did within this entry), lean into it! Develop it. Build your entry around it. Give it a chance to flourish!I very much look forward to seeing you compete in future tournaments.This time, by unanimous decision, [USER=11]@el-remmen[/USER] wins this 3rd-place match of The IRON DM 2021 Tournament![/spoiler]</blockquote>

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