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<blockquote data-quote="Wulf Ratbane" data-source="post: 976962" data-attributes="member: 94"><p>I can't disagree with much of that. Nemm did make better use of the ingredients, and I knew that the aquarium was my weakest ingredient. On a par with his amulet?</p><p></p><p>As for my own entry-- I wish I had more time to polish it up. The aquarium was undoubtedly the weakest ingredient, and to bring it more into focus I had intended to use unstable ground once again-- hence the rickety wooden catwalks up the tower, causing the PC's to interact more directly with the aquarium beneath them (and those vicious sea bass!). I think the battleground was actually fairly well used in my entry, as it is a logical and reasonable explanation for the impossibly diseased paladin. (It's also a blatant nod to a pretty excellent ghoulish movie...)</p><p></p><p>A bit more of my usual luxurious exposition would perhaps have disguised some of the perceived flaws-- there is much for the reader to extrapolate on his own in my entry. I have seen many an entry disguised with just such luxurious exposition... which leads me to...</p><p></p><p>I'll take lightful's lead and now direct my exposition thusly: How I would have critiqued nemm's entry?</p><p></p><p>I will say that I think nemm's entry suffers from a common Iron DM occurrence-- lots and lots of luxurious backstory exposition, but ultimately not that much for the PCs to do. As I read his entry, it struck me that most of the cool adventuring in the story was being done by his diseased paladin! It was the paladin tracking down the cure, the paladin helping the sick and dispensing justice, the paladin finding the amulet and breaking up the criminal ring, etc.</p><p></p><p>The ingredients were well used in the setup, but there wasn't as much opportunity for the PCs to interact with the ingredients. It may be an ongoing weakness of my entries, but I feel it's important that the PCs personally experience each of the ingredients.</p><p></p><p>When you boil down nemm's entry, most of the backstory ends up being ultimately irrelevant to the brief encounter that the PCs have with his entry. They are merely passing through this complex plot he's woven-- they walk across the stage only at the end, and they end up as the most irrelevant ingredient in the entire mix.</p><p></p><p>But nemm, congrats are in order... you have achieved all that was required: pleasing the fickle whims of our judge... </p><p></p><p>Now I'll just have to console myself with my TWO ENNIE NOMINATIONS!</p><p></p><p>Wulf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wulf Ratbane, post: 976962, member: 94"] I can't disagree with much of that. Nemm did make better use of the ingredients, and I knew that the aquarium was my weakest ingredient. On a par with his amulet? As for my own entry-- I wish I had more time to polish it up. The aquarium was undoubtedly the weakest ingredient, and to bring it more into focus I had intended to use unstable ground once again-- hence the rickety wooden catwalks up the tower, causing the PC's to interact more directly with the aquarium beneath them (and those vicious sea bass!). I think the battleground was actually fairly well used in my entry, as it is a logical and reasonable explanation for the impossibly diseased paladin. (It's also a blatant nod to a pretty excellent ghoulish movie...) A bit more of my usual luxurious exposition would perhaps have disguised some of the perceived flaws-- there is much for the reader to extrapolate on his own in my entry. I have seen many an entry disguised with just such luxurious exposition... which leads me to... I'll take lightful's lead and now direct my exposition thusly: How I would have critiqued nemm's entry? I will say that I think nemm's entry suffers from a common Iron DM occurrence-- lots and lots of luxurious backstory exposition, but ultimately not that much for the PCs to do. As I read his entry, it struck me that most of the cool adventuring in the story was being done by his diseased paladin! It was the paladin tracking down the cure, the paladin helping the sick and dispensing justice, the paladin finding the amulet and breaking up the criminal ring, etc. The ingredients were well used in the setup, but there wasn't as much opportunity for the PCs to interact with the ingredients. It may be an ongoing weakness of my entries, but I feel it's important that the PCs personally experience each of the ingredients. When you boil down nemm's entry, most of the backstory ends up being ultimately irrelevant to the brief encounter that the PCs have with his entry. They are merely passing through this complex plot he's woven-- they walk across the stage only at the end, and they end up as the most irrelevant ingredient in the entire mix. But nemm, congrats are in order... you have achieved all that was required: pleasing the fickle whims of our judge... Now I'll just have to console myself with my TWO ENNIE NOMINATIONS! Wulf [/QUOTE]
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