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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 992711" data-attributes="member: 67">Judgement for Tertiary Finalistcool hand luke vs. Wulf RatbaneCool hand luke.  You're not afraid to push the envelope--and that's a very good thing in the Iron DM tournaments.  I must say that I'm not sure how I feel about the inclusion of links to essentially serve as background information for your entry.  Fortunately, your entry didn't need it, and I was familiar enough with the era and those groups anyway.  I didn't follow the links.I really like how you set up the scenario to mimic history from a pseudo-biblical perspective; the Old Testament is a very fine source of fantasy inspiration.  Your entry falls safely within the realm of "allusion," as opposed to "plagiarism," so have no worries on that matter.I have to say that I was dissapointed with how linear the entry was--actually, both entries were pretty linear, but cool hand luke's also has a tendency to railroad, as well.  It's actually a problem he's struggled with throughout the competition.Wulf's hooks, on the other hand are generally nice, given the tone of the adventure that they are introducing.  That's not to say that his entry is spotless.  While I love the feel of the story--greek epic combined with greek drama--The actual inclusion of a deus ex machina in the first encounter, while thematically appropriate, is not going to go over well with most groups.However, I really love the flavor of his scenario.  Many of the ingredients suggested a greek flavor, meaning I was expecting to see it.  Failing to surprise me on that point, could be risky--if you're going to do it, you'd better do it very well.  Guess what?  Wulf did it very well.  There's a lot for me to say about this, so I'll get back to it.Wulf's also got a great deal of questions for the PCs to follow up on after the adventure and good questions, at that.  Which brings up a point, I suppose.  A good adventure should potentially be the seed of a good campaign.  Wulf does this very well.Cool hand luke's scenario is a bit different.  There are a few good plot hooks to pick up on, but the scenario is (or could be) more or less a whole campaign, all by itself.Both entries use the ingredients fairly well, although I must emphasize that Wulf manages to make all of his ingredients fit the Greek theme very well--even the more generic ones.I really like cool hand luke's zealot(s).  It's good to see him allude to their historical roots.  The dusty road and the stormy seas are both fairly minor in significance in his entry, but fit the tone well.  The stormy seas, in particular, are a nice image.  The sibling rivalry ingredient is quite nice--Biblical history is rife with tales of sibling divisions altering the fates of lines of people to come.None of the rest of cool hand luke's ingredients were particularly inspiring, but neither were they actually poorly used.Wulf's zealot is also very nice.  He's sort of a Tiresias in reverse.  And, not in reverse.  His use of the sibling rivalry is excellent and two-fold.  Like most classical greek literature, the divine is mirrored in the human.  Converting the classical Greyhawk gods into Greek gods, without actually changing their natures, is brilliance that few literary giants would be able to match.  There's little point in going into detail about the other ingredients--they're all well blended into the theme, and none of them are used poorly.So, let's see just who is Iron DM Summer 2003's Tertiary Champion, shall we?What can I say?Cool hand luke, you have amazingly good ideas.  But your execution could really use some honing.  If you don't mind a little advice, I'll suggest some areas you should focus on.Work on developing free-formed, organic adventures; you've got all of the basics you need for this--you're particularly good with setting up political intrigue, for instance--but you then tend to squander it with linear and even railroading scenarios.  Learn to trust players when you're designing.  I want to see you in future tournaments.  I expect to see you do well.  But you've got to refine.  Obviously, you've got a lot going for you--otherwise you'd never have made it this far, so keep on trying.  You've definitely got what it takes to be a champion.Wulf, my advice to you: is nothing.  You're already championship material.  You've just gotten some unlucky breaks in important matches.  I have no doubt I'll see you win one of these tournaments one day.On to the matter at hand...Cool hand luke, I know that this is going to sting a bit, because it has been my downfall in more than one tournament--but your scenario is way too ambitious in scope.  Seasong was able to pull off making a single adventure into a whole campaign, but this entry couldn't do it.  There are a lot of wonderful ideas in here, but the overall adventure needed a good restructuring.Wulf's scenario, while not absolutely perfect, is as close to a literary masterpiece as I've seen an entry get to.  It's an outstanding work, and in a competition filled with excellent works, that says a lot.  It's a brilliant work, and it should therefore be no surprise that Wulf Ratbane wins this match to become the Iron DM Summer 2003's Tertiary Champion.Congratulations, Wulf!</blockquote>

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