I've got a problem in my game! Help!

[tylermalan]

Not trying to argue, just sayin'

Email me at work.

 

[Nate Jones]

Please keep all spoilers OUT of this thread. Don't talk about the storyline or plot elements.

As for all that, you've addressed a lot of in-game things that were barely addressed in any of the above posts. The issue is NOT that you can't roleplay - the issue is that you can't be trusted to respect my wishes regarding a game that I've put the most effort into, and you don't care.

Wow. That is all I can say. After reading BenjErik's post, and noticing how absolutely tact he is in the face of your (IMO) overreactionary, caustic antagonism, and after thinking about what I would do if put in his position, I have to say that this guy definitely seems like the type to keep around. From what I've read so far, he is the rational one and you are the arrogant, unsociable friend flying off the hook. Accusing him of childlike maturity is kind of akin to the pot calling the kettle black.

If you'd take a moment to calm down (Which is why posting this here was a bad idea in the first place. How does that saying go? "Fool me once..."), you'd see that he is presenting a very vaild argument, and doing so calmly and politely.

In the end, if what you care about most is policing the moral purity of your friends, you'll quickly end up very disappointed.

 

[Nate Jones]

Email me at work.

If possible, the two of you should try to arrange a face-to-face discussion. Inflection is easily lost online. You'll just end up ticking each other off even more.

 

[tylermalan]

Wow. That is all I can say. After reading BenjErik's post, and noticing how absolutely tact he is in the face of your (IMO) overreactionary, caustic antagonism, and after thinking about what I would do if put in his position, I have to say that this guy definitely seems like the type to keep around. From what I've read so far, he is the rational one and you are the arrogant, unsociable friend flying off the hook. Accusing him of childlike maturity is kind of akin to the pot calling the kettle black.

If you'd take a moment to calm down (Which is why posting this here was a bad idea in the first place. How does that saying go? "Fool me once..."), you'd see that he is presenting a very vaild argument, and doing so calmly and politely.

In the end, if what you care about most is policing the moral purity of your friends, you'll quickly end up very disappointed.

Well, I just got off the phone with my buddy. We were both really calmly talking about it. Here's a snippet of our conversation:

Me: "The in-game effects of what you did do NOT concern me anymore. It's the out of game effects that do. We would be having a different conversation right now if you had originally recognized that you basically wasted the money that I alone spent on this module and wasted all the time that I put into it. It would be different if you cared and said that you were sorry, and that it was a mistake. However, you don't (care) and you didn't (apologize)."

Him: "You're right man. I definitely respect the fact that you put money into the game. I also realize how much time it takes to DM - way more than players. You've put a lot into this. I'll really have to consider apologizing. I'll have to think about it for a bit, though."

Me: "Hmmm..."



What? Considering? Wow. That is all I can say.

 

[the Jester]

Wow. That is all I can say. After reading BenjErik's post, and noticing how absolutely tact he is in the face of your (IMO) overreactionary, caustic antagonism, and after thinking about what I would do if put in his position, I have to say that this guy definitely seems like the type to keep around.

Interesting. I noticed a lack of remorse and no indication that it wouldn't happen again.

Different strokes for different folks and all that, but I'd be very unhappy about this if I were the dm.

 

[Oryan77]

Im not trying to say what I did was "right"... but I wouldn't go so far as to say its "wrong" either.

It's not so much that you as a player know more than you should which makes it wrong, I think it's wrong because you intentionally went looking for information that even as a player, you shouldn't have known. You basically spit in his face and disrespected your friend out of selfishness. It's just a piddly situation, but showing disrespect like that is a crappy thing to do to friend. You can downplay it anyway you want to make yourself feel better, but what you did is cheating anyway you spin it.

It's one thing to play an adventure that you have already played before, it's another thing to go looking for secret knowledge about a game you are about to play. No matter what any gamer says, they always metagame to some extent even if they know what the Beholders eye rays can do...it's human nature to unintentionally metagame with prior knowledge.

Getting kicked out of the group seems a bit harsh. Maybe you guys can come up with some in game agreement? Maybe the cheater doesn't gain any XP (or only half) for the entire adventure. Or maybe he has to agree not to accept any magical loot found throughout the entire adventure. I use those suggestions not as a way to punish him, but as a way to balance out the "edge" that he now has over the other players.

 

[Ridley's Cohort]

deleted post

 

[Oryan77]

Wow. That is all I can say. After reading BenjErik's post, and noticing how absolutely tact he is in the face of your (IMO) overreactionary, caustic antagonism, and after thinking about what I would do if put in his position, I have to say that this guy definitely seems like the type to keep around.

Huh...I read his response as more arrogant and uncaring than what you seemed to get from it. A person that disregards a persons request like he did and refuses to acknowledge remorse is usually not the type to fly off the handle and act immature. Their personality is more laid back and tends to look on others as if he's better than them. When asked not to do something, he thinks, "whatever...." rather than, "of course".

I live with a roommate who is the same way. Nothing he could possibly do is ever wrong. He makes more money than me & my other roommate, so obviously he's more successful which makes him more mature than us. :\ And when he knows he's wrong, he has all the excuses in the world to tell you why he's not wrong. He would never apologize because it'll make him feel inferior to you.

 

[Nate Jones]

Interesting. I noticed a lack of remorse and no indication that it wouldn't happen again.

Different strokes for different folks and all that, but I'd be very unhappy about this if I were the dm.

Well, from what I can gather, the lack of remorse seemed to be stemming from the fact that BenjErik didn't really consider what he did that big of a deal. Obviously, he and the DM disagree on this. I really admire the way BenjErik handled the conversation, considering that the DM completely flipped out on him, threated to ban him from every playing with him ever again, came to the boards to find a way to 'punish' him for his moral laxity, and painted a rather unflattering (deserved or not) picture of him in a community he is known to frequent. This was exactly the reason why I felt the OP shouldn't have come to these boards, while the emotions of the incident were still fresh in his mind, and air his dirty laundry (Or at least, without posting anonymously). If I were the player, I'd be very unhappy about this. The fact that he is still keeping his temper is a sign in his favor.

But as its said, your mileage may vary. Its quite possible we just value different things in people.

In any case, I'd strongly recommend that both the OP and BenjErik keep the rest of their discussion private. There isn't much left the boards can help with, and if anything, we'd probably only succeed at making things worse.

P.S. I'd like to apologize to anyone who took offense at my posts. I definitely did not intend them to be read with malice.

 

[Ridley's Cohort]

People who have such trouble admitting mistakes have very significant emotional issues. Always.

Now such a person may well have qualities that make it worth still hanging out with in one's precious free time or gaming with.

So, on one hand, it is not really about you, tylermalan. He is not trying to be a tremendous prick or cause you harm on purpose.

On the other hand, such blatant self-centered and lack of basic civilties is certainly more than enough reason to opt out of contact in one or all social contexts.