I've got a problem in my game! Help!

[Nate Jones]

Huh...I read his response as more arrogant and uncaring than what you seemed to get from it. A person that disregards a persons request like he did and refuses to acknowledge remorse is usually not the type to fly off the handle and act immature. Their personality is more laid back and tends to look on others as if he's better than them. When asked not to do something, he thinks, "whatever...." rather than, "of course".

I live with a roommate who is the same way. Nothing he could possibly do is ever wrong. He makes more money than me & my other roommate, so obviously he's more successful which makes him more mature than us. :\ And when he knows he's wrong, he has all the excuses in the world to tell you why he's not wrong. He would never apologize because it'll make him feel inferior to you.

Rereading the post in question, I could see where you are coming from. I guess we just place value on things differently.

 

[tylermalan]

Well, from what I can gather, the lack of remorse seemed to be stemming from the fact that BenjErik didn't really consider what he did that big of a deal. Obviously, he and the DM disagree on this. I really admire the way BenjErik handled the conversation, considering that the DM completely flipped out on him, threated to ban him from every playing with him ever again, came to the boards to find a way to 'punish' him for his moral laxity, and painted a rather unflattering (deserved or not) picture of him in a community he is known to frequent. This was exactly the reason why I felt the OP shouldn't have come to these boards, while the emotions of the incident were still fresh in his mind, and air his dirty laundry (Or at least, without posting anonymously). If I were the player, I'd be very unhappy about this. The fact that he is still keeping his temper is a sign in his favor.

But as its said, your mileage may vary. Its quite possible we just value different things in people.

In any case, I'd strongly recommend that both the OP and BenjErik keep the rest of their discussion private. There isn't much left the boards can help with, and if anything, we'd probably only succeed at making things worse.

P.S. I'd like to apologize to anyone who took offense at my posts. I definitely did not intend them to be read with malice.

Why are you assuming that I flipped out on him, banned him from ever playing with me again, and came to these boards to look for ways to punish him?

I'll copy and paste, out of the OP, what I came to the boards for:

"I guess what I want to know is this: how would you, as a DM, react to this? Am I over-reacting? What would you DO about it if this happened to you?"

He frequents this community but doesn't post, and no one knows who he is. On top of that, I think its obvious that he doesn't care what other people think, so why would he care what any of those people thought about HIM?

On top of ALL that, I never said his name (until he posted), and didn't paint an unflattering picture - I simply told you all what happened. Maybe its an unflattering picture because what he did was wrong? He chose to identify himself - I didn't force that on him.

I'm not angry, but I really don't agree with anything that you just posted.

EDIT - Also, its worth pointing out that although we are good friends, come August, we will probably never see each other again, due to relocation. So, even though I didn't tell him that I would never play with him again, we probably won't ever get a chance to.

 

[Nate Jones]

Why are you assuming that I flipped out on him, banned him from ever playing with me again, and came to these boards to look for ways to punish him?

I'll copy and paste, out of the OP, what I came to the boards for:

"I guess what I want to know is this: how would you, as a DM, react to this? Am I over-reacting? What would you DO about it if this happened to you?"

He frequents this community but doesn't post, and no one knows who he is. On top of that, I think its obvious that he doesn't care what other people think, so why would he care what any of those people thought about HIM?

On top of ALL that, I never said his name (until he posted), and didn't paint an unflattering picture - I simply told you all what happened. Maybe its an unflattering picture because what he did was wrong? He chose to identify himself - I didn't force that on him.

I'm not angry, but I really don't agree with anything that you just posted.

EDIT - Also, its worth pointing out that although we are good friends, come August, we will probably never see each other again, due to relocation. So, even though I didn't tell him that I would never play with him again, we probably won't ever get a chance to.

Hmm...I reread the entire thread, and I think I owe you an apology. I falsely attributed you to what some other posters had said, and then based the rest of my reading off that faulty assumption.

Also, you are definitely right about not painting the unflattering picture. That slipped my mind as I was typing.

I probably should be taking my own advice a little more to heart. I definitely read more malice in your posts than you probably intended. Sorry for any hard feelings I caused.


Anyway, I think the wisest move now would be to stop posting about him on the boards, especially since you know he will be reading this thread; instead of telling us what bothers you about him, tell him. Besides, I think a couple people on this thread (myself included) are probably pretty close to breaching board code of conduct for discussing other posters instead of RPG board issues.

In any case, best of luck resolving your conflicts.

 

[tylermalan]

Hmm...I reread the entire thread, and I think I owe you an apology. I falsely attributed you to what some other posters had said, and then based the rest of my reading off that faulty assumption.

Also, you are definitely right about not painting the unflattering picture. That slipped my mind as I was typing.

I probably should be taking my own advice a little more to heart. I definitely read more malice in your posts than you probably intended. Sorry for any hard feelings I caused.

Anyway, I think the wisest move now would be to stop posting about him on the boards, especially since you know he will be reading this thread; instead of telling us what bothers you about him, tell him. Besides, I think a couple people on this thread (myself included) are probably pretty close to breaching board code of conduct for discussing other posters instead of RPG board issues.

In any case, best of luck resolving your conflicts.

Well, I appreciate the apology. But, more so, I appreciate the advice. You've been more helpful than you might think!

 

[phindar]

EDIT - Also, its worth pointing out that although we are good friends, come August, we will probably never see each other again, due to relocation. So, even though I didn't tell him that I would never play with him again, we probably won't ever get a chance to.

I say, screw it. If this is the last game you guys are going to play together, you might as well run it. (But kill his character.)

The parathetical is optional. (Or is it?)

 

[Echohawk]

Am I the only one who giggled that it was the player of the paladin that was accused of dishonorable behavior?

 

[Maldor]

well i think that you evenfound out about shows that it wasn't to sneaky and dishonest

 

[William drake]

Ok, I agree; this isn't about the game, is about you said "dont" and he did it anyway.

Now, if you want him to game, and you want to get back at him alittle, since you don't trust him...change your story around. Just do thing's that he didn't read about...

If you don't want him to game, say "hey, told you not to read it, I don't have time to change it, so you've got to sit out the rest of this game so that you don't tell the other players what's going to happen."

Yes, you expect more from you friends, but your friends are also gamers...some might cheat, others might not...its then that YOU and only YOU can figure out what to do about it.

 

[Nellisir]

Am I the only one who giggled that it was the player of the paladin that was accused of dishonorable behavior?

I know...the irony is great.

I'm going to disagree with most of the initial posters and say let it be. I would shift a few encounters around (it sounds like he hasn't read the adventure, just the thread with spoilers?), maybe rejig a few things, but overall - it's not worth the headache. If he can separate in-game from out-of-game knowledge, good enough.

I would -not- "forget it", though. Just consider it a lesson learned. His mad roleplaying skillz aside, he can't be trusted to respect your wishes on a matter he considers trivial. So, do not let him order the pizza without supervision, or your half-pepperoni half-garlic will metamorph into an extra-garlic, no meat.

Also, there'd be alot less grey in this if you'd emailed him directly. The "telephone game" is not a way to pass instructions around.

I'd really like to hear him explain -why- he didn't think your request was important.

 

[Goblyns Hoard]

An alternate solution

Not sure if this will work - don't know enough about the adventure in question or the questions that you asked in the thread in question but...

You can always change how true the information in that thread is. It could be information that the Paladin has heard is true... but by changing a few details you can make it so that the details the player has are inaccurate. This returns the balance of 'player knowledge' which whilst we can all say will never affect us will always do so to some extent (though not always in a bad way).

So have it that the paladin had a dream about what he found out... he could think it's a case of divine inspiration... but in fact it was just a dream and now there's a potential fatal flaw in his knowledge...


But on the general principle of the matter I'll agree with the general consensus here. If you've been asked not to read something then keep your nose out! The enjoyment of a game is there for all to take part in - DM INCLUDED! By sticking your nose where you were explicitly asked not to you have affected your DM's ability to enjoy the game, irrespective of whether or not you actually use that information in play. It's NOT all about you mate - remember that.