twofalls
DM Beadle
Recently on the Kenzer boards a GM requested advice with regards to removing a player who was cheating in his game. He recieved a lot of good advice on how to approach the player and deal with it, however reading the thread startled me because it touched on some past events that I was thinking of earlier that day. I'm pasting my reply here:
"I think it’s interesting that I am reading this topic tonight, as I was thinking about a situation that I created many years ago earlier today that is relevant to this. I learned some hard lessons from it. Now you have already been given some good advice here, I'm simply going to illustrate how I once decided to remove a player when I was younger and less experienced at managing small groups. I was running a Shadowrun game and must have been about 23 then (13 years ago). I had a good group of college friends and we were having a good game until a new player was allowed into the group. I quite frankly don't clearly recall anymore how he was disruptive; however I was having a hard time dealing with him and one of my best friends in the group agreed.
This friend and I talked about how to deal with it and it was decided that he would tell the player that there was a problem in the game and see what could be worked out. Well he instead told the player that the game was cancelled (this was something we had discussed doing but hadn't decided on) and that was that. Naturally the rest of the group discovered the deception and when game time came the next week no one arrived to play. Instead I received a phone call from one of the other players informing me that they felt this was a dirty tactic, no one appreciated it and they had decided not to game with me anymore. I was extremely embarrassed and humiliated for a few days, feeling about 3" tall. Eventually I decided that it was a lesson well learned.
A couple of years later I learned the other half of that lesson. I was playing in my first World of Darkness game, and was really excited about it. I had chosen to play a dark character, a youth who had been badly abused by his father. Once he was embraced and turned into a vampire he reveled in his new power and became a bit of a homicidal maniac. This wasn't the type of game the GM or other players wanted to be part of. I have a strong personality and I became the dominant force in this game for a few sessions, unknowingly derailing the game and making folks uncomfortable. Rather than talking with me about it and searching for a mutual solution the friend that invited me into the group called me up one day and said the game was cancelled because the GM was unable to run it anymore. Thinking nothing of it I arrived at his house the next week at game time to see if this friend wanted to play some Warhammer Miniature games, as I already had this time blocked out with my family for game playing. There they all were playing the game that I had been informed was cancelled. I was devastated. I had just been given the opportunity to feel the emotions that the player whom I had done the same thing to a year or two earlier must have felt. Needless to say it destroyed my friendship with the fellow who had lied to me, and everyone else involved in the game. Still, it was another part of the same life lesson.
Be honest, up front, and involve everyone. Leaders distinguish themselves by being considerate of others, and working in the best interests of the people they lead. I’ve had to remove several players over the years from games I’ve run, and friendships have suffered from it. However I have the respect of my players because I maintained integrity throughout the process and kept everyone else involved in making the decision. I took the responsibility upon myself to take action rather than delegating the onerous chore to a player."
I learned a lesson that has helped me a great deal in working with small groups of players and friends through that experience. I've gone out of my way to make my gamers feel that playing with each other is a special privledge, and in order to become a member of one of my game groups prospective players go through a three game trial period and then are voted into the game. It only takes one no vote to block someone from being allowed to join. This accomplishes several goals; 1) no one has to game with someone they aren't comfortable with, 2) new players know that everyone else in the game wants them there, 3) it gives players the sense of being part of an exclusive club, 4) it begins to create a synergy between the players and myself as GM so that the group as a whole has meaning beyond any of the participants. This might all sound a little corny, but the results have been that the game group I started doing this in has been together now for 8 years playing consitantly twice a month and we do things together and lean on each other in non game related ways as well.
What stories can other GMs or players share regarding games or gaming experiences that have helped them grow either as people or just as better gamers?
"I think it’s interesting that I am reading this topic tonight, as I was thinking about a situation that I created many years ago earlier today that is relevant to this. I learned some hard lessons from it. Now you have already been given some good advice here, I'm simply going to illustrate how I once decided to remove a player when I was younger and less experienced at managing small groups. I was running a Shadowrun game and must have been about 23 then (13 years ago). I had a good group of college friends and we were having a good game until a new player was allowed into the group. I quite frankly don't clearly recall anymore how he was disruptive; however I was having a hard time dealing with him and one of my best friends in the group agreed.
This friend and I talked about how to deal with it and it was decided that he would tell the player that there was a problem in the game and see what could be worked out. Well he instead told the player that the game was cancelled (this was something we had discussed doing but hadn't decided on) and that was that. Naturally the rest of the group discovered the deception and when game time came the next week no one arrived to play. Instead I received a phone call from one of the other players informing me that they felt this was a dirty tactic, no one appreciated it and they had decided not to game with me anymore. I was extremely embarrassed and humiliated for a few days, feeling about 3" tall. Eventually I decided that it was a lesson well learned.
A couple of years later I learned the other half of that lesson. I was playing in my first World of Darkness game, and was really excited about it. I had chosen to play a dark character, a youth who had been badly abused by his father. Once he was embraced and turned into a vampire he reveled in his new power and became a bit of a homicidal maniac. This wasn't the type of game the GM or other players wanted to be part of. I have a strong personality and I became the dominant force in this game for a few sessions, unknowingly derailing the game and making folks uncomfortable. Rather than talking with me about it and searching for a mutual solution the friend that invited me into the group called me up one day and said the game was cancelled because the GM was unable to run it anymore. Thinking nothing of it I arrived at his house the next week at game time to see if this friend wanted to play some Warhammer Miniature games, as I already had this time blocked out with my family for game playing. There they all were playing the game that I had been informed was cancelled. I was devastated. I had just been given the opportunity to feel the emotions that the player whom I had done the same thing to a year or two earlier must have felt. Needless to say it destroyed my friendship with the fellow who had lied to me, and everyone else involved in the game. Still, it was another part of the same life lesson.
Be honest, up front, and involve everyone. Leaders distinguish themselves by being considerate of others, and working in the best interests of the people they lead. I’ve had to remove several players over the years from games I’ve run, and friendships have suffered from it. However I have the respect of my players because I maintained integrity throughout the process and kept everyone else involved in making the decision. I took the responsibility upon myself to take action rather than delegating the onerous chore to a player."
I learned a lesson that has helped me a great deal in working with small groups of players and friends through that experience. I've gone out of my way to make my gamers feel that playing with each other is a special privledge, and in order to become a member of one of my game groups prospective players go through a three game trial period and then are voted into the game. It only takes one no vote to block someone from being allowed to join. This accomplishes several goals; 1) no one has to game with someone they aren't comfortable with, 2) new players know that everyone else in the game wants them there, 3) it gives players the sense of being part of an exclusive club, 4) it begins to create a synergy between the players and myself as GM so that the group as a whole has meaning beyond any of the participants. This might all sound a little corny, but the results have been that the game group I started doing this in has been together now for 8 years playing consitantly twice a month and we do things together and lean on each other in non game related ways as well.
What stories can other GMs or players share regarding games or gaming experiences that have helped them grow either as people or just as better gamers?
