There sure do seem to be a lot of misconceptions about this out there...
It all seemed pretty obvious to me when reading through the lycanthrope section a couple times. First of all, you don't even know you're a lycanthrope (unless you know what one is and knew that one was biting you and inferred that you may have the disease or something) until you make a wisdom check DC 15 after an involuntary change. When you make an involuntary change, you take on the alignment and mindset of the creature for the time being, which is subject to DM interpretation and you basically become an NPC for the duration of the involuntary change (unless you are aware of your disease, in which case you can make a control shape check DC 25 under a full moon or DC 20 at any other time (you are also subject to an invountary change whenever you are reduced by 25% of your hp in combat (that is, each time you reach 3/4, 1/2, or 1/4 hp))). In order to control the affliction, you must gain ranks in the control shape skill. When you make your first voluntary change, your alignment is permanently changed to that of the creature, most likely along with a suitable change in personality. You can never control yourself during an involuntary change (except for making the control shape check DC 25 or 20 to return to human form) as, by definition, they are involuntary. If the character you are talking about would like to control his changes, he must learn the control shape skill.
Any other questions are answered fairly explicitly in the section in the SRD about lycanthropes.