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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Sepulchrave II" data-source="post: 8590299" data-attributes="member: 4303">I think there is a danger of straying too far into the political sphere with this thread; I freely admit that some of my comments have been pointlessly whataboutist and inflammatory - for that, I apologize; I was tired and irritable. An explanation, not an excuse.My own experience of arranged marriage has been in the context of relatively affluent, college-educated, professional Hindus in London and Birmingham - which may skew my perception of the broader phenomenon. Or not - which is to say that the problems which have been identified as associated with arranged marriage, are not caused by arranged marriage, but rather, symptomatic of issues pertaining to the broader cultural systems in which arranged marriage prevails.My - wholly subjective and anecdotal, of course - experience of the phenomenon of arranged marriage has been:1) (Young) couples, who seem (to me) considerably more self-aware than their "average" Anglo- counterparts, and endowed with good critical thinking skills and a sense of social responsibility who enter into:2) A social contract in which needs and resources are allied for the purpose of mutual support (and child-rearing), with the understanding that such an alliance will not be perfect, will require considerable work, and will act as a liflelong means of growth and learning, and who willingly appeal to:3) Their parents, in conjunction with a matchmaker, vetting a suitable spouse based on similar social status, comparable education, shared interests, a shared social milieu, and a genuine desire to secure the happiness of their offspring. This ceding of authority by the prospective bride or groom is not simply an acquiescence to power; it is often - surely, not always, but often - a recognition that a rational parent is better positioned to make a good choice regarding a prospective partner than:4) An inexperienced youth, who, experiencing limerance, is driven by their loins into making bad choices.Of course, I understand that we - in the "West" - exalt the notion of self-determination in romantic matters, and resist any notion that our autonomy be compromised. I, for one, would certainly rail against any such imposition; I demand freedom to make my own choices and suffer the consequences of my own bad mistakes (I've made a few).I think that folding in LGBTQIA+ issues into the broader question of arranged marriage - arranged marriage as an ideal, divorced from any specific cultural context - sort of misses the point. Which is to say that the marginalization of Queer people which occurs in cultures where arranged marriage prevails, is, again, a function of broader social norms and expectations. India is the most obvious example, insofar as gay marriage (or civil union) is not recognized, despite numerous divergent laws regarding marriage depending on religion, because of heteronormative assumptions in law and tradition. But this is changing - India isn't too far behind Western democracies in this regard.Which leaves open a question - is there a future for arranged gay marriages in India? Well, yes:<a href="https://vardags.com/family-law/gay-arranged-marriage-india" target="_blank">GROOM SEEKING GROOM: THE CASE FOR GAY ARRANGED MARRIAGE IN MODERN INDIA</a><a href="https://www.smh.com.au/world/asia/in-india-even-gay-people-want-an-arranged-marriage-20180219-p4z0t5.html" target="_blank">In India, even gay people want an arranged marriage</a><a href="https://theworld.org/stories/2016-04-01/old-custom-new-couples-gay-indians-are-having-arranged-marriages" target="_blank">Old custom, new couples: Gay Indians are having arranged marriages</a><a href="https://www.thehindu.com/society/this-online-portal-makes-same-sex-marriage-feasible/article24252024.ece" target="_blank">Arranged Gay Marriage Bureau: helping homosexuals find love and marriage</a><a href="https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2021/12/23/shaadi-com-lgbt/" target="_blank">Indian marriage site Shaadi.com to start matchmaking LGBT+ couples – despite same-sex wedding ban</a>Like I say, it's complicated.</blockquote>

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