Ahh, victim-blaming. A classic. "It's your fault for getting bored when you literally cannot participate with the game!"
If I'm out of action for an uncertain length of time, I have several options. In rough order of best to worst in terms of what I could do next:
--- continue paying attention (quietly!) to see what happens next, i.e. seamlessly slip from participant to audience
--- find something game-related to keep me occupied (e.g. rewriting my character sheet) while still paying enough attention to be ready if-when I'm back in play
--- find something non-game related, ditto
--- disengage completely to the point where I have no idea what the party did while I was out of action and have to be summoned or woken up or alerted if-when I'm back in play (online play and the distractions of home make this far too easy)
--- sit there and scowl like a petulant child
--- go home for the night.
Er...no? Like literally not, even if you don't use an adblocker. Which the vast majority of people do. That's why YT keeps trying to find ways to prevent adblocking.
I gave up on adblockers once too many sites started insisting I whitelist them as a condition of using/viewing the site, thus defeating the point.
Point me to the place in the rules of 5th edition D&D where it says that this sort of thing is going to happen, where your character is completely locked out of participation in the game, and thus your presence at the table is at best irrelevant, and at worst, actively hindering.
As written that wouldn't appear in the rules, and nor should it. However, something along the lines of "
As a player, be aware up front that certain game effects, die-roll outcomes, and in-character choices may put you out of play for a while. This is normal, and to be expected in a game where characters can be knocked out or killed and where players can choose to have their characters act alone, or not act at all." should very much be in there, front and centre; and if it's not that's a flat-out failure on the part of the rules-writers.
You are completely excluded from gameplay. You cannot play the game. That's what these things do. It's happened at every table I've attended where these sorts of mechanics are used extensively. You yourself spoke of a player breaking out their phone! That's quite literally them searching for something to do because they have been excluded from participation in play.
For all I know, a player busting out a phone at my table could very well be doing game-related stuff; as all our spells, pantheons, game logs, and setting maps are online along with about 95% of our rules.
In fact, I'd be disappointed if a player, on having a character perma-die during low level play,
didn't bust out a phone or tablet right away in order to roll up a replacement!
But does this analogy actually apply to a D&D game? Does a D&D game have a "bench" where half the players sit, doing literally nothing to participate?
Metaphorically, yes; that being the times when the player's character is out of action, or away from the party, or dead awaiting revival, etc.
The actual analogy for these things is not the bench where players go to rest. It's the penalty box, where they are forced to witness, but unable to act.
Same difference.
It is neither war nor sport. It is a game. Pretending that either of these things directly maps to what is going on leads to incorrect conclusions.
Game played as war or game played as sport, then. Semantics.
I would rather that the game itself be properly designed so that the GM intentionally playing their part as effectively as they can directly creates good gameplay, and players playing their part as effectively as they can directly leads to good gameplay.
The fact that you even need to have a choice between "play effectively" and "play entertainingly" is a demonstration that something has gone wrong with the game design.
As others in this thread have noted, oftentimes the most effective play (in any game, not just D&D) is also the most boring. I'm not sure there's a way to design that out without at the same time making everyone play exactly the same.
If doing so is disruptive to the situation overall. I thought that would be obvious. For example, if two players keep dragging out every scene with 20+ minutes of just those two talking, with everyone else just sitting there waiting for them to finish yet another drawn-out conversation, that is being disruptive. It's treating the game space as their little personal playground for roleplaying their characters together. That is selfish and inappropriate, sapping the time of others solely to be an audience for them.
Having an aside convo in a session, even having multiple, isn't bad and, as you say below, is often good. But that doesn't mean it can't be disruptive--just as the stereotypical "murderhobo" player is disruptive, even though being the person willing to draw steel is not inherently disruptive and is, in fact, often a helpful thing for a group to have.
Murderhobo play is the reason for doing this, isn't it? As such, how can it ever be disruptive?
As for private in-character conversations, your original take very much did come across as "they should be shut down in general and merely assumed to have happened without being played through", hence my response.