I kinda think this entire thread is an attempt to settle on the ground rules.
This is pretty much the point for me. Say we were talking about Soccer instead of D&D. Say there was a popular variant on soccer where you picked up the ball and ran with it instead of kicking it.
Now, we try to have a discussion about the disadvantages of soccer and someone says, "I hate the fact that you have to kick the ball all the time, it's no fun for me" and you get a response from someone else saying, "No you don't, there is no kicking the ball in soccer at all, I don't see how you could think that is a problem."
Well, the problem here is that we are actually talking about different games. They come from the same root, but they are fundamentally different. The question was posed how we talked about our games in the past when 1e and 2e had SO many house rules and were so different from one another. I, personally, found it so difficult that I avoided conversations with gamers outside my group.
An example brought to mind was that back in high school I ran into someone and the topic of D&D came up. He thought it was so cool to meet someone who played the game as well. He launched into a tirade about how the game was so awesome. Like the time him and his friends attacked hell in order to kill Asmodeus. They waded their way through over 500 Balors in order to eventually reach him. There was so many of them, they all couldn't fit in their map. They beat them pretty easily, since they all had swords which were +10 swords that did a 20d6 fireball centered on themselves whenever they rolled a 15-20 on the attack roll. The fireballs bypassed all fire resistance or immunity of their enemies and all of them were completely immune to the effects. Instead, if they were hit by one of the fireballs, they healed the damage instead. Also, on a crit, they automatically killed all enemies within 100 feet of them.
I listened to him go on an on about his game. He had a look in his eyes and a tone about him the whole time that said, "But, of course you know everything I'm telling you because you play D&D as well." Meanwhile, the entire time I was listening, my only thought was, "What the heck game is he playing? It doesn't sound like ANY D&D I've ever heard of. The rules say weapons only go up to +5, fireballs are supposed to hurt everyrone in the area of effect, they don't heal people. Even with all of that, Asmodeus is a god and impossible to kill according to the rules(this was 2e)."
It was about that point that I made a vow to try to stay away from other D&D players, since I couldn't relate with them it seemed. I invited people who had never played before into my games and taught them the rules, but most people who already knew them had nothing at all in common with the way we played.
It wasn't until 3rd edition, with its emphasis on rules that I began to see a trend where MOST people played the game pretty much the same and had enough in common to have real conversations about the game without it breaking down. But when you start bringing UA into the discussion, it causes the same disconnect I used to see back in 2e.