Now they buy pigs

[Ry]

After several years of adventuring... my players realized something, and now have a highly disturbing habit when stocking up for adventures:

They buy pigs.

They always bring at least one pig - a piglet in a pinch, with a full-grown pig being preferable - and push it in front of themselves when they're investigating a dungeon. Sometimes, when they're dealing with non-intelligent monsters, they'll put the pig on a string and use it to "fish" for things like giant spiders. Townsfolk are starting to talk, but they don't care - they always have the money to buy more, and their explanation to noblemen is "If something's going to get injured or killed, we want to make sure it's not us - that way we're in fighting form when we run into something that doesn't attack the pig."

I mean, they're right.

And they do it EVERY ADVENTURE.

 

[Teflon Billy]

All of that, and they are self-propelled rations as well

 

[Jack of Shadows]

Mmmmm.... Bacon.

Jack

 

[Rodrigo Istalindir]

Try this phrase:

undead that keep kosher.....

 

[Chimera]

Do they keep it in a Poke or a Blanket?


Who gets to clean up after it? Do the monsters with Scent have an easier time finding the party now that at least one of them is covered in Pig stuff?

Does the noise of it squeeling in terror draw other monsters?

What do they do with it while they sleep?

Ever had it root around in their backpacks, consume all their rations and foul their other items including their changes of clothing and blankets?

 

[Hjorimir]

Have you ever tried to "push" a pig? I'm betting that it is tougher than your players think. Also, imagine the noise the pig would be making as it was being mercilessly prodded forward. Every last stinking monster in the place would know they were there. Extremely intelligent opponents would be able to account for the pig as well and lull the intruding band of adventurers into a false sense of security.

 

[Viktyr Gehrig]

That's plain smart adventuring.

Ain't no difference between using your bounteous adventuring wealth to pay for a pig to lead the way-- saving you money on resurrections later-- and buying canaries for your mineworkers to save money on replacing them.

 

[Emirikol]

Well then, it might be time to give some of these pigs personality. How about the biting pigs. The pigs that refuse to move. Pigs with LOUD CLOVEN HOOVES. Pigs that are friendly and you don't want to die. Babe the pig. Gordy the pig. A pig in satans clothing. Pigs in zen. Pig spellcasters. A pig that lays a golden egg..whoops..too bad you just killed him. Orcs that fall in love with pigs. Pig liberation front of PETA. Big Pigs. Pigs that are a little too small. An animal god that strikes them down for senselessly killing pigs. Pig diseases. Pig poop...

jh

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

Ok, city kids. Let me tell ya something. I grew up on a farm, and pigs, while they actually are very intelligent, make a HELLUVALOT of noise if they're unhappy about something. Piglets, especially. I promise you. Dangle one from a rope and every creature within earshot will know it. An adult pig, if things aren't going the way it wants, will turn on the person doing the pushing. And it will make noise doing it.

 

[Dragonhelm]

I have to say - that's pretty clever.

As the poster above mentioned, herding pigs is not always the easiest thing. They tend to double-back when you prod them at times. When you pick up a pig by the back leg, they'll shake that leg like nobody's business and squeal their heads off.

I grew up on a farm, if you can't tell.

What I would do would be to have one of the dead pigs come back as some sort of undead creature. Worse yet, have all the pigs they ever sent to their doom come back. Maybe it would all be illusion, or maybe the patron god of pigs is a wee bit upset. I'd just find some way to throw it back at them. Good for a silly one-shot.

Ok, city kids. Let me tell ya something. I grew up on a farm, and pigs, while they actually are very intelligent, make a HELLUVALOT of noise if they're unhappy about something. Piglets, especially. I promise you. Dangle one from a rope and every creature within earshot will know it. An adult pig, if things aren't going the way it wants, will turn on the person doing the pushing. And it will make noise doing it.

What my dad and I used to do to pigs was the worst (snip snip). They scream their heads off. Not that I blame them. I still hear better in one ear over the other.