[OT, Humor] The world should be made aware of this conversation.

[Darklance]

My friend posed a question to me out of nowhere and this was the ensuing conversation.


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Start of Anime Jinsureiku buffer: Mon May 05 12:23:23 2003
Anime Jinsureiku: If, sometime in your life, the currency of the world- of every nation on the planet- was unified and made one.. and this unit of money was "rope".. would you end your life then and there?
DocHolliday2006: Yes
DocHolliday2006: No questions asked
DocHolliday2006: I would hang myself
DocHolliday2006: he he
DocHolliday2006: But with socks
DocHolliday2006: Not rope
Anime Jinsureiku: What if you lacked anything to kill yourself with?
DocHolliday2006: How could I?
DocHolliday2006: Will I be locked up before they make the announcement?
Anime Jinsureiku: You'll be in the middle of.. say.. a big field.
Anime Jinsureiku: No place to hang yourself from.
DocHolliday2006: Then I'll quickly run into a forest
Anime Jinsureiku: There are no forests.
DocHolliday2006: Nowhere?
Anime Jinsureiku: Only fields/
Anime Jinsureiku: It's the Midwest.
DocHolliday2006: What the hell is this insane world doing with all the forests?
DocHolliday2006: LOOK
Anime Jinsureiku: There's nothing out there.
DocHolliday2006: If there are no trees
DocHolliday2006: Then I'll find a city
Anime Jinsureiku: You'll be in an area with no trees when it happens.
DocHolliday2006: Fine
Anime Jinsureiku: It's a scripted event.
DocHolliday2006: No trees
DocHolliday2006: Then I'll use a telephone pole
DocHolliday2006: And my socks
DocHolliday2006: That's all I need
DocHolliday2006: A nice thick set of socks
Anime Jinsureiku: You couldn't climb a telephone pole.
DocHolliday2006: Yes I could
DocHolliday2006: I'll be a full-fledged ninja by then
Anime Jinsureiku: That'll also be the day you experiment with sandals.
DocHolliday2006: No
DocHolliday2006: Never
DocHolliday2006: I hate sandals
DocHolliday2006: I hate the concept of sandals
Anime Jinsureiku: One day you'll be overcome with curiosity.
DocHolliday2006: No
DocHolliday2006: It won't happen
DocHolliday2006: But fine
DocHolliday2006: Say I am
DocHolliday2006: I'll take them off
DocHolliday2006: I have better grip bear footed
Anime Jinsureiku: And no socks.
DocHolliday2006: What!
DocHolliday2006: Fine
Anime Jinsureiku: You don't wear socks with sandals.
Anime Jinsureiku: That's part of the evil of sandals.
DocHolliday2006: Some people do
DocHolliday2006: That's twice the sin in my opinion
Anime Jinsureiku: Those people are yuppies.
DocHolliday2006: And if I'm wearing sandals then I'm already a yuppy
Anime Jinsureiku: I personally can't STAND sandals.
DocHolliday2006: Neither can I
DocHolliday2006: Thus I can' t wear them
DocHolliday2006: But fine
DocHolliday2006: Say the socks are gone
Anime Jinsureiku: In the wash.
Anime Jinsureiku: You have shoes with no socks.
DocHolliday2006: I'll weave the grass of the "Endless field" into a nice thick hemp noose
Anime Jinsureiku: And no laces.
DocHolliday2006: Hah
Anime Jinsureiku: And you're really in a city again.
DocHolliday2006: What!
DocHolliday2006: What kind of hell is this!
DocHolliday2006: Fine
Anime Jinsureiku: And all traffic stopped, shocked by the news.
DocHolliday2006: Fine
DocHolliday2006: I'll go up to a car
DocHolliday2006: And look at a businessman inside
DocHolliday2006: One in a suit
Anime Jinsureiku: And this is after guns and knives and scissors and forks are outlawed.
DocHolliday2006: And I'll punch through the glass
DocHolliday2006: And take his tie
DocHolliday2006: Then I'll walk to a telephone pole
DocHolliday2006: And hang myself
DocHolliday2006: hah!
Anime Jinsureiku: It'll be Corporate Casual day.. no ties.
DocHolliday2006: Fine
DocHolliday2006: I'll take his socks
Anime Jinsureiku: No socks either.
Anime Jinsureiku: He's a businessman and a yuppie.
Anime Jinsureiku: He's got sandals.
DocHolliday2006: THEN I'll break into a god damned store
DocHolliday2006: ANd steal a tie
DocHolliday2006: And because there are no weapons
Anime Jinsureiku: There are no ties for sale.
DocHolliday2006: None!?
Anime Jinsureiku: None at all.
DocHolliday2006: Then where do they order their ties from for the non casual days?
Anime Jinsureiku: They're passed down as heirlooms from one yuppie to his yuppie kids.
DocHolliday2006: OK
DocHolliday2006: In that case there must be a shrine in every home
DocHolliday2006: Where the yuppies keep the ties on their days off
DocHolliday2006: I'll break into a house
Anime Jinsureiku: And you can't buy anything because you don't have any rope.
DocHolliday2006: And steal the ties
DocHolliday2006: And no one can stop me because there are no wepaons
Anime Jinsureiku: The kids are all wearing them, and not at home.
Anime Jinsureiku: And they're yuppies, so they have super-high security houses.
DocHolliday2006: Then I'll go to the ing school
DocHolliday2006: What security?
Anime Jinsureiku: Field trip day.
DocHolliday2006: There are no guns
DocHolliday2006: Then I'll hijack a car and chase the bastards down
Anime Jinsureiku: They all have lawyers tied up in the front lawn.
DocHolliday2006: I'll threaten them with bodily harm
DocHolliday2006: They'll back off soon enough
Anime Jinsureiku: So they can cry and sue when someone makes fun of them.
DocHolliday2006: Well I'm not interested in being sued
Anime Jinsureiku: And then you'll have to pay them like 63 billion feet of rope.
DocHolliday2006: I'll be dead in a matter of minutes
Anime Jinsureiku: Noooo.
DocHolliday2006: Just as soon as I track down those bastards
DocHolliday2006: I'll get their ties or die trying
Anime Jinsureiku: Being kids, they flushed their ties down the toilets.
Anime Jinsureiku: on the field trip.
DocHolliday2006: Then I'll head to the sewage treatment plant
DocHolliday2006: And dive in to get the ties
Anime Jinsureiku: Which is off limits.
DocHolliday2006: I'll break in
DocHolliday2006: And kill anyone who tries to stop me
Anime Jinsureiku: There's a man in the way.
DocHolliday2006: I kill him
Anime Jinsureiku: A big guy.
Anime Jinsureiku: He's bigger than you.
DocHolliday2006: I kill him really well
Anime Jinsureiku: And a samurai.
DocHolliday2006: I'm a ing ninja master by then!
Anime Jinsureiku: Then it'll be a fight for the ages!
DocHolliday2006: Yes
DocHolliday2006: And the winner gets the right to hang himself
Anime Jinsureiku: But his friend will help him.
Anime Jinsureiku: And beat you.
Anime Jinsureiku: But not kill you.
Anime Jinsureiku: His friend is made of nails.
DocHolliday2006: "But" I reason with him " There are ties enough for us all. Let us end our pain together"
DocHolliday2006: Completely of nails you say?
Anime Jinsureiku: Why would he want to end the pain? He has a sword.
DocHolliday2006: Well that puts a damper on things
Anime Jinsureiku: Completely of nails.
DocHolliday2006: Ok then
DocHolliday2006: I'd head back to the store
DocHolliday2006: And buy them out of twister seals
Anime Jinsureiku: With no rope.
DocHolliday2006: I'll steal them
Anime Jinsureiku: You can't buy anything.
Anime Jinsureiku: All you have are dollars.
DocHolliday2006: STEAL I SAY
Anime Jinsureiku: And the big guy's there, too.
DocHolliday2006: Look
Anime Jinsureiku: So you can't steal.
DocHolliday2006: There must be a transition phase
Anime Jinsureiku: No.
Anime Jinsureiku: You leave that building, and he's there at the store.
DocHolliday2006: They can't just start this universal rope currency
DocHolliday2006: There would be rioting
DocHolliday2006: OK FINE
Anime Jinsureiku: No.
Anime Jinsureiku: The people will be overjoyed.
Anime Jinsureiku: Because they are idiots.
Anime Jinsureiku: And NPCs.
DocHolliday2006: I'll go back to the house where I shrine was empy...I pass by the lawyer and go into the kitchen
DocHolliday2006: I steal their box of twister seals
Anime Jinsureiku: They locked their doors.
DocHolliday2006: I broke it down before
Anime Jinsureiku: No you didn't.
Anime Jinsureiku: There's a nail in it.
DocHolliday2006: And if they did I'll break a window and go through
DocHolliday2006: I'll avoid the nail then
DocHolliday2006: I break a window
Anime Jinsureiku: The windows are made of clear steel.
Anime Jinsureiku: These are rich people.
DocHolliday2006: Ok
DocHolliday2006: Fine
DocHolliday2006: I go to an office building
DocHolliday2006: It's open right?
Anime Jinsureiku: I told you.. security.
Anime Jinsureiku: Nope.
DocHolliday2006: Town hall?
Anime Jinsureiku: Closed to celebrate the day.
DocHolliday2006: There must be a big town hall
DocHolliday2006: Rope day
DocHolliday2006: Great
Anime Jinsureiku: Now known as "Worldwide Ropification Day.
DocHolliday2006: Ignants
DocHolliday2006: Ok fine
DocHolliday2006: Let me think
Anime Jinsureiku: Town hall in the town you'll be in consists of a Home Depot shed. Inside is an old guy sitting on a riding mower.
Anime Jinsureiku: His name is Frank.
Anime Jinsureiku: He's the mayor.
DocHolliday2006: I flick Frank off as I walk out of his god forsaken town
DocHolliday2006: And into the great plains
Anime Jinsureiku: His town has a big wall around it.
Anime Jinsureiku: You can't leave unless you use the door.
DocHolliday2006: They can't bar the god damned gate
DocHolliday2006: It's got to be open
Anime Jinsureiku: The doorknob is broken.
DocHolliday2006: No
DocHolliday2006: I won't accept that
Anime Jinsureiku: A janitor is busy trying to fix it. His name is Carl.
Anime Jinsureiku: He kind of smells.
DocHolliday2006: Cars and other transportation devices must pass through
DocHolliday2006: IT has to be huge
DocHolliday2006: And there has to be more than one gate
Anime Jinsureiku: The turn on their sides to fit through the door.
DocHolliday2006: What!
DocHolliday2006: Fine
Anime Jinsureiku: Carl is in the way, though.
DocHolliday2006: I kill Carl in spite and walk back to town
Anime Jinsureiku: The door was open while he was fixing it.
DocHolliday2006: Ok
DocHolliday2006: I walk through
Anime Jinsureiku: Killing innocent Carl?
DocHolliday2006: YES
Anime Jinsureiku: He was just working to earn his rope to feed his kids.
Anime Jinsureiku: Who are all birth-defect babies.
DocHolliday2006: And THAT IS EXACTLY WHY HE MUST DIE!
DocHolliday2006: USERS OF THE ROBE MUST PERISH
DocHolliday2006: I'm a ZEALOT
DocHolliday2006: DAMNIT !
DocHolliday2006: I kill him real good
DocHolliday2006: Once I learn about the robe bit
Anime Jinsureiku: This is precisely the reason there are pirates in the world.
DocHolliday2006: Fine
Anime Jinsureiku: To fight the no-weapon rope world.
DocHolliday2006: I got outside
Anime Jinsureiku: Indeed you did.
DocHolliday2006: I walk to the field
Anime Jinsureiku: It is a big field.
DocHolliday2006: And weave a noose of grass
DocHolliday2006: Ok?
Anime Jinsureiku: There's no grass.
Anime Jinsureiku: It's dirt.
DocHolliday2006: What!
Anime Jinsureiku: The grass is on the other side of the town.
DocHolliday2006: Why would there be a field without grass
DocHolliday2006: * I think as I walk to the other side of town*
Anime Jinsureiku: There's dirt on that side too.
DocHolliday2006: But you said there was rope there
Anime Jinsureiku: All the grass is on the other side of town.
DocHolliday2006: Ok
DocHolliday2006: I sit down IN THE DIRT
DocHolliday2006: And begin to weap
Anime Jinsureiku: Haha.
DocHolliday2006: I stay there until I dye of starvation
DocHolliday2006: I refuse to drink either
Anime Jinsureiku: A man will walk by and leave you an inch of rope.
DocHolliday2006: I won't go near it
Anime Jinsureiku: And the government invented air that prevents starvation.
DocHolliday2006: Infact I start to crawl *because I"m so weak*
DocHolliday2006: OMG!
DocHolliday2006: NO
DocHolliday2006: Ok
DocHolliday2006: I give up
DocHolliday2006: I become a rope convert
DocHolliday2006: And start using rope to better mankind
Anime Jinsureiku: Why?
DocHolliday2006: Because there's nothing else to do
Anime Jinsureiku: Why would you ever do that?
DocHolliday2006: Because I'm a bitter ex Ninja who has lost his will to fight
DocHolliday2006: I'm beaten
Anime Jinsureiku: Well, when you become a wealthy rope baron and live in a house of rope, the pirates will come visit you, shaking their heads in pity.
Anime Jinsureiku: Then burn your rope house down.
DocHolliday2006: Good
DocHolliday2006: I perish int he flames
Anime Jinsureiku: Because they are strictly anti-rope.
DocHolliday2006: I bless them with my dying breath
Anime Jinsureiku: They couldn't bear to see you like that.
DocHolliday2006: Then I beg them to take me with them
DocHolliday2006: So I can fly the skies as a anti rope pirate
Anime Jinsureiku: You're already among them.
DocHolliday2006: Good
Anime Jinsureiku: You must have forgotten.
DocHolliday2006: Then I set off to slay all rope users
Anime Jinsureiku: Because of the rope.
DocHolliday2006: That must have been it
DocHolliday2006: Ok
DocHolliday2006: I live a life of adventure
DocHolliday2006: fighting rope
DocHolliday2006: To the bitter end
DocHolliday2006: For the rest of my days
Anime Jinsureiku: Wall St. will also be renamed Rope St.
DocHolliday2006: Fine
DocHolliday2006: I'll deface the signs
DocHolliday2006: I'm a pirate
Anime Jinsureiku: And all the NPCs there will have big wallets.
Anime Jinsureiku: Full of rope.
DocHolliday2006: I kill as many as I can
Anime Jinsureiku: They die.
DocHolliday2006: Good
DocHolliday2006: I believe we're done here
Anime Jinsureiku: BEcause they can't fight back.
Anime Jinsureiku: Indeed.
DocHolliday2006: This has been one of best and worst conversations I've ever had
Anime Jinsureiku: Frank thinks so too.
DocHolliday2006: Frank?
Anime Jinsureiku: The mayor.
DocHolliday2006: Of course
End of Anime Jinsureiku buffer: Mon May 05 12:23:23 2003

Edit: added OT to subject line.

 

[I'm A Banana]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

This is fan-freakin'-tastic. I'm SO going to include this honorary dirt city without weapons in my campaign somewhere!

 

[Darklance]

-

 

[Shadowdancer]

[Shadowdancer innocently enters thread, whistling happily]



[Shadowdancer stops whistling, slowly backs out of thread, then runs to dial 911.]

"Hello? Send help, fast. Darklance has stopped taking his medication again."

 

[jonesy]

DocHolliday2006: This has been one of best and worst conversations I've ever had
Anime Jinsureiku: Frank thinks so too.
DocHolliday2006: Frank?
Anime Jinsureiku: The mayor.

 

[Bran Blackbyrd]

This is the most brilliant stupid thing I've read.
No really, I love it.
You can only read so far before you start to laugh from the same frustration that DocHolliday2006 no doubt felt.

DocHolliday2006: This has been one of best and worst conversations I've ever had
Anime Jinsureiku: Frank thinks so too.
DocHolliday2006: Frank?
Anime Jinsureiku: The mayor.
DocHolliday2006: Of course

Killing blow. Excellent.

 

[Darrin Drader]

Wow! Somewhere in that conversation is the meaning of life. I hereby declare this thread holy ground.

 

[hong]

It's like a cross between Zork and William S. Burroughs.


Hong "you are in a twisty maze of giant cockroaches, all alike" Ooi

 

[Irda Ranger]

In the space of eight lines my home address was changed, my wallet busted my pants (too much rope) and I died at the hands of a bitter ex-Ninja who somehow found the will to fight.

That was a lousy eight lines.

Irda Ranger

 

[Mathew_Freeman]

I think that just about covers my reaction.