[OT] I just saw "The Sword and the Sorceror" for the first time...

[Dimwhit]

I loved The Sword and the Sorcerer! I watched it again last year, and I still loved it. Of course, it's no Dragonslayer (which comes out on DVD soon), but it's still a classic in my book.

 

[Wolf72]

You guys need to watch Hawk, the Slayer ... wow, as a kid it was the coolest thing EVAR! ... I saw part of it recently and cringed, ... cringed I tell you!

 

[CrusaderX]

I saw The Sword and the Sorceror when it first came out. At a drive-in theater. With my fellow D&D players. When I was 12.

Twelve-year-old me thought it rocked!

 

[Ariddrake]

The Sword and Sorceror was truly great, I never want to see it again because it could never live up to my memories. Plus every person in my game back in the day wanted to buy one of those 3 bladed swords( I'd like to stat it out now). Dragonslayer is Da Bomb G.

 

[Scarbonac]

Sword and the Sorcerer: Brilliant movie, featuring the enchanting saucy nekkid bottom of Kathleen Beller!

Rowr.

Oh, and some pointy-shiny-thingy and a guy who casts spells.

Hawk the Slayer: I love this movie; we all wanted a Mind-Sword (although it doesn't seem to do all that much cool stuff) after we saw it.


I own both of these movies (and I'm glad, glad, I tell you!).

S&S I got in the bargain bin at Schlockbuster; Hawk was at a Mom 'n' Pop video place...I'm not ashamed to say that I fast-talked the owner into selling me his rental copy.

Well, that is, I convinced him that since he admitted that it hadn't rented in ...um... ...years... that he might as well make something off of it.

 

[Dimwhit]

S&S I got in the bargain bin at Schlockbuster; Hawk was at a Mom 'n' Pop video place...I'm not ashamed to say that I fast-talked the owner into selling me his rental copy.

Well, that is, I convinced him that since he admitted that it hadn't rented in ...um... ...years... that he might as well make something off of it.

I did that very thing at a Mom&Pop video store to get a copy of Rozencrantz and Gildenstern Are Dead. It had been rented once or twice in the previous 3 years or so, so I offered $10. They took it.

I strongly recommend that tactic for hard-to-find movies like that.

I've never heard of Hawk the Slayer. Can anyone give me the low-down on it?

 

[Villano]

Hawk was at a Mom 'n' Pop video place...I'm not ashamed to say that I fast-talked the owner into selling me his rental copy.

Well, that is, I convinced him that since he admitted that it hadn't rented in ...um... ...years... that he might as well make something off of it.

I knew a Mom N' Pop video store that had a copy. It's an out of the way place and I don't usually don't get a chance to go there. However, today, I had to go to the area, so I decided to stop in and rent HAWK.

Turns out they no longer had their copy. Seems someone bought it.

Scarbonac, you bastard!

Well, to be honest, the guy said he wasn't really sure what happened to it. It may have been sold or it could have broken. It doesn't mean you're totally off the hook, mind you.

Anyway, while I was there, I did rent Gor. Never saw it before, but, if I like it, they have Outlaw Of Gor, too.

 

[Scarbonac]

I knew a Mom N' Pop video store that had a copy. It's an out of the way place and I don't usually don't get a chance to go there. However, today, I had to go to the area, so I decided to stop in and rent HAWK.

Turns out they no longer had their copy. Seems someone bought it.

Scarbonac, you bastard!

Well, to be honest, the guy said he wasn't really sure what happened to it. It may have been sold or it could have broken. It doesn't mean you're totally off the hook, mind you.

Anyway, while I was there, I did rent Gor. Never saw it before, but, if I like it, they have Outlaw Of Gor, too.

Nope, nope, wasn't me, no one can prove otherwise, that's muh story an' I'm a' stickin' to it!


Gor...eh; I liked the books (Barsoom rip-offs that they were) before they turned into being about the main character dominating sassy Earth-wenches through Applied Sadomasochism. I watched the movies, notable mostly for some scenery-chewing and high embarrasment from actors who should have taken up panhandling (Oliver Reed & Jack Palance) rather than subject themselves to the indignity of being associated with these celluloid turkeys.

Interesting factoid: Arnold Vosloo, who was the Replacement Dark Man and Imhotep the Mummy, appears in Gor.


Speaking of Jack Palance, he's also in Hawk, as the villain, Voltan, who is at odds with his brother, Hawk (my theory is that their parents were high when they named them).

Voltan wants his father's kingdom, Dad's magic sword and his brother's girlie.

Kills Dad; kills girlie and Hawk gets the sword as a lovely consolation prize. Voltan gets a copy of the home game from Milton Bradley and the kingdom.

He's an utter bastard, and carries an ugly mess of special effects make-up on one side of his face, which he tries to cover with half a hubcap. So, because Voltan is busy holy-terroring (some nuns, actually, just to show how eeeeeeeeee-vile he is), Hawk is called upon to take him out.


Hawk teams up with Ranulf, a chappie who fingers were lopped off, so he developed an autofire crossbow ( which is cool and everything, want one desperately, but it's as out of place as a flying car would be in Huckleberry Finn) and together they seek out Hawk's old mercenary buddies.

Gort the Giant, who's working as dumb muscle (like that's a stretch...get it...? Stretch? He's a Giant? He's tall...? Phooey.) Crow the elven archer , who is re-enacting the dueling scene from The Seven Samurai (cool enough elf, but the ears were strictly sub-DR WHO-level make-up); Baldin the Dwarf, who's busy being sacrificed to a Lake Gawd by whacky whacky cultists(a bit tall for a dwarf, uses a whip and eats live fish pulled straight out of the water) and a blind seeress/witch (whose best weapons consist of magic Ping-Pong balls and party-streamers).

It's a little bit Dirty Dozen, a little bit (OK, a lot bit) Seven Samurai with not quite enough Tolkien for flavor.

I love it anyway.

 

[Dimwhit]

Scarbonac, does Hawk have Liam Neeson in a role I'm sure he wishes he could forget? And is Gort a Cyclops? Or am I thinking of another movie?

 

[Villano]

Scarbonac, does Hawk have Liam Neeson in a role I'm sure he wishes he could forget? And is Gort a Cyclops? Or am I thinking of another movie?

No. I'm pretty sure that was Krull (not to be confused with Kull, The Conqueror starring Kevin Sorbo). Krull was a weird mix of sci-fi and fantasy. There was Neeson as a wizard, a cyclops (who could see into the future, but only his own death), flying horses, and I think the guy from Murphy Brown was in it, too (just like S&S).

Yeah, it's defintely Krull because I just remembered that the cyclops (cyclopses?) made a deal with the alien Beast (the villain of Krull) to give up one of their eyes to see the future...and he screwed them.

Of course, I have no idea what he did with all those eyes.