[OT] My "book", THE LIVING DEAD... what the hell? Me and Devis??

[Mialee]

Okay, NO ONE passed this under MY nose for approval.

T.H. Lain's scant one hundred and fifty page epic piece of crap THE LIVING DEAD. I finally picked up my comp copy the other day between scripts and read about fifty pages. What should I learn? Well, apparently, I sleep with Devis. Well, I don't *sleep*, since I'm an elf, but... you know.

I AM %^&*ING OUTRAGED. I did a character interview with this hack writer before he started, and at no time did I ever hint that Devis and I have a past. I DO have a weakness for musicians, but I would never give in to his slimy advances. I never drink enough to let my guard down.

Here's the part in question, from page 22. We're in a tavern and I have gotten stinking drunk:
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"You look like you could use some air," Devis said, turning to her so quickly he nearly lost his balance and fell from his stool. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

Without waiting for her to reply, he slid to the floor and offered her his arm. He wobbled unsteadily and flashed a lopsided grin that no woman could resist- he hoped.

"Devish," Mialee smiled, "I'd love to."

Devis thought he heard a voice shout "You're drunk!" in his mind, but decided he must be imagining it. After all, he was drunk.

The rest of their walk took them as far as th esteps leading to Mialee's room

~~chapter break~~

Well, that took long enough, Biksel (my raven familiar) announced inside Mialee's head as the bard snored softly next to the elf woman.
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After that, I spend quite a few pages running around stark naked, as action comes up and I have no time to dress. Hmm.

I am not making this up. I am disgusted at the very idea that WotC let this crap through the grating. Who edited this, I wonder? Oh, wait! I can't find an editing credit. How strange.

Anyway, I'd like to state, in closing, that I have never had goings-on with a fellow Iconic. There are RUMORS of relationships among us, but I have not stooped to threaten the functionality of the group myself. Even still, if I had to pick someone, I'd pick Devis. He's got dreamy eyes... which is beside the point.

Never. I'm going to find T.H. Lain (probably a pen name for someone who can't get published in the PENTHOUSE FORUM) and cast entangle on his body hair, then watch him slowly suffocate.

 

[Kamard]

Just like an elf to blame poor judgement on an author doing his best to retell your story.

You guys are chaotic, ya danged hippy treehuggin' elf! I'd be surprised if you had enough self control to even write that "response" to the book. Probably had Krusk do it, after a drunken fling with him...

*sigh*

Iconics. Think they're too good for bad PR.

 

[Rhialto]

This whole thing sounds like the "just friends" comments Timberlake and Spears made when that sordid little fling began...

 

[Naull]

Didn't you read the Fine Print?

Didn't you read the fine print in you WoTC contract? I didn't, look what happened to me. I ended up in the Savage Caves with Redgar. I never agreed to that. I've never even been to the Savage Caves, much less gave anyone any information otherwise. Do you think I would go into some caves alone with Redgar?

 

[Alhandra]

*milk shoots out of the holy-warrioress' nose after reading the good wizard's tirade.*

Geez, your gonna kill me with your elvish rants.

While I do share your weakness for Devis's charms
( there's just something about a guy that can spout out a song that glorifies your battle accomplishments and help you live forever in the minds and hearts of all men), BUUUUUT.....

you've never been anything but a true professional in any scene that I've witnessed, so I don't know where that hack is getting his sources.

I never drink enough to let my guard down.

Here's the part in question, from page 22. We're in a tavern and I have gotten stinking drunk:
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hmm... this reminds me of awhile back.. wait a minute... are you SURE you never get drunk?

I coulda SWORN (to Heironeous, naturally) that I remember....

 

[Alhandra]

Re: Didn't you read the Fine Print?

Didn't you read the fine print in you WoTC contract? I didn't, look what happened to me. I ended up in the Savage Caves with Redgar.
Do you think I would go into some caves alone with Redgar?

Do you think anyone that hasn't had a frontal lobotomy would go into the Savage Caves alone with Regdar?

I'd rather journey under White Plume Mountain with Keraptis as my second than adventure with that sorry excuse for a fighter again.

Regdar probably got the writer to drink with him and gave the writer one of his skanky whores to dally with to unduly influence the writer to make him look more unlike the drooling slob he is.
I don't know what's scarier: Regdar, or the writer being appreciative after doing one of Regdar's women.

Shows you how far down Wot-cee is scraping the barrel for some of their Iconic writers.

 

[Naull]

At least she was paired with Devis

At least Mialee was paired with Devis. I mean, he has roguish good looks and charms. I got stuck in a wet, dark cave in the middle of a Redgar hacks 'em up novel. It's in print now too! I gotta start going to those monthly staff meetings...

 

[Deedlit]

Well, at least it's not as inaccurate as Redgar's portrayal, where he doesn't seem to be obsessed with Ale and Whores whatsoever. Though, you won't believe how bad some of the Lodoss fanfiction I've read was,(Specifically, any Ashram/Karla lemon.) so remember, most heroes of the worlds have it worse.(I seem to recall Dalamar being paired up with Kitiara in the books, of all people, despite how obvious the Raist/Dal thing was.)

 

[Desdichado]

Well, at least it's not as inaccurate as Redgar's portrayal, where he doesn't seem to be obsessed with Ale and Whores whatsoever. Though, you won't believe how bad some of the Lodoss fanfiction I've read was,(Specifically, any Ashram/Karla lemon.) so remember, most heroes of the worlds have it worse.(I seem to recall Dalamar being paired up with Kitiara in the books, of all people, despite how obvious the Raist/Dal thing was.)

Are you saying that the WotC novels are fanfiction?!?

As everyone knows fanfiction is the lowest form of geekdom in existence, that's quite an insult! I take that back -- author insertion erotic fanfiction is the lowest form of geekdom in existence.

 

[Kazak]

Kazak chokes on his brandy on hearing the "news".

"Do ye want us to go and bring this hack's head back on a spike, lass? Although it could have been worse. It could have been Ialdabode..."