Playing with Dragons 2 (The Remake)

[mythusmage]

A bit early(for once) I present the reworked version of Dragons, General Information. This one has been reformatted, expanded, and now includes the OGL.

As before you can comment on the beast here, or through email. Let me know what you like, and don't like. Could lead to changes in future versions.

The next iteration will get posted next Monday, and will include the first six age categories for black dragons along with general black dragon information.

With all that out of the way, here's the file (36k zipped, 56k unzipped)

 

[jmucchiello]

A bit early(for once) I present the reworked version of Dragons, General Information. This one has been reformatted, expanded, and now includes the OGL.

As before you can comment on the beast here, or through email. Let me know what you like, and don't like. Could lead to changes in future versions.

Well, first of all, there are 2 c's in my name.

You really do not have to say "Derived from material by Jonathan Tweet, Monte Cook, and Skip William,s. Based, in turn, on original material by E. Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson" in section 15. In fact by doing so you create a lie on the front page where you say "Please include the following copyright notice in any work that includes this document or parts thereof: Dragons, General Information is ©2003, Alan Kellogg" because according to the license people using this document must include the "derived from ...." text in their section 15.

Finally (ogl-wise), you should be more explicit that "It" when saying that the entire document is OGC. Even the most free of people restrict OGC to 100% of the text in the document and they also exclude the title of the document (calling it PI). You don't have to. I'm just thinking you might want to.

Formatting: Add some space between horizontal sections. Having only one line separate the sections makes reading the text difficult. If not, at least add a bar between sections to improve readability. You also might want to cut back to only 3 columns.

Content: Doesn't look to much different than before, I'm withholding overall comment until I see this Black dragon section you keep promising.

 

[mythusmage]

Feedback on Feedback

Playing with Dragons (The Director's Cut is now in production. Your name is now correctly spelled, The copyright notice on the title page has been clarified, and about 80kb of data has been added to the General Dragon Information section.

However, I am keeping that copyright notice of mine in section fifteen as is, because is is a a derivative work. So suffer.

Formatting: the leading between sections has been increased. I also decided to switch to Palatino at 12 points, with the text in two columns in a 500 point wide space. (Columns 244 points wide with a 12 point gutter.)

Tons more information regarding dragons, description, psychology and behavior, and stuff like that there. All aimed at playing dragons as characters in their own right.

Also, the working title has been changed to, Alan's Dragons with general information a chapter in the opus.

But folks are still welcome to tell me what they think of my dragons as they currently stand.

 

[Leopold]

I pray you are working on the layout! I get lost when reading down and then up and then down again. Can you make it flat across going left to right instead of up and down especially with 4 coloums as that makes it next to impossible to read. I stopped reading after page 2 as my eyes caused all the test to bleed into one and i got a headache from looking at it.

 

[mythusmage]

Layout Change

I've changed to 12 point type in two columns. Of course, the final appearance depends on what my publisher says. (That's assuming he's still interested once I'm finally done with the manuscript.)

There's still more minor tweaking (massive revision) ahead on the first chapter, so patience is called for.

 

[Leopold]

no problem..i am interested in seeing more betas of this work, i like it so far i just couldn't read too much of it as it all blended into one.