Boy, I know how that feels. I've been though 6 campaigns worth of knowing how that feels, from both sides of the DM's screen.
As a player, here are some of the problems I've noticed with being proactive:
You need to have some idea of what's going on in order to have a plan. When all I have is a suspicion that someone somewhere is trying to attack the party, I'm not going to have any idea what I can do about it. Often, information is scarse, sometimes there's a ton that the DM knows, but very little managed to filter its way to the players in a meaningful light. Other times, the information that I recieved was just flat out wrong--It turns out father Sarumon the guy giving us info this whole time was evil. I know I've been quite guilty of this as a DM.
Plans have a tendancy to fail. It's a wierd thing I've observed. If I tell my GM what I'm going to be doing over more that the short term that plan will fail. Usually, it'll just flat out not work from the beginning, the entire castle is teleport proof/the guard rotation changes/they just don't fall for the opening bluff. It's more frusterating when it seems to work and then turns out not to, the castle shunts us to a trap when we teleport in/the throne room is guarded by an overwhelming force/the opening bluff works but only because they've anticipated our plan. Maybe it's just the DMs down here, but things will never simply work.
You need a party that's wililng to go along with the plan. One of the groups I was in recently had a dumb fighter. Like, as in, puposefully would not do what you asked them to. She'd often choose moves that made sure the plan wouldn't work at all. Or the archer, that as long as he was directly under your stare would do what you asked, but the instant he was free or there was an enemy nearby would completely drop everything and start shooting at the nearest target.
I typically don't have the allies or resources I need. It's usually a friendless cold world out there. The only people who care are the ones that I'm buying a round from, and that's only as long as I tip well. Combine that with NPC's who generally feel that "You're not all that" and wonder "Why should I help you?"
Here's what I've discovered as a DM:
One of my players explained what he wanted out of a game very well. "I want to feel strong and kill things with my axe. I want to feel important. I want to be a part of a good story, but I don't want to have to role-play because I suck at it. Oh, and treasure is good too."
Mentors/allies seems to help. If the players are unsure, they can always check in with the old-folks, who'll probably have a few ideas as to what can be done. Sure, it's not as good as setting it out fully themselves, but when you have guys from lawful-good to chaotic-neutral giving advice, mixtures of good ideas can produce something new.
I try to make things 2 to 3 times as obvious as I think it needs to be. I'm beginning to think that this might not be obvious enough though.
Have an overriding theme like a security blanket. In my current game, one of the themes boils down to "act like a hero, and I won't screw you over." They've been acting more heroic this game. In my last game, one of the themes was that "You're better than regular people" and so they were puttting ones over the normal folks quite often. This was also the game where they discovered that the simple plans are the best ones.
In terms of your situation, I'd say to ditch the guy who complains that the RP is boring. He's not worth the effort and is probably dragging everyone else down. If you're nice, you can talk to him about it.
Otherwise, look for a few key people you can either shift towards your preferred style of play, or ask to leave. If the dynamic shifts a little bit, everyone else may learn.
In terms of what you can do to make things more enjoyable, I'd say that you need to keep up with those intracasies that you like. Otherwise you will start to lose interest, and that's a bad thing. I'd reccomend taking it a little simpler and seeing ways you can have the mystery unfold that your players can get. This may turn out to be something really simple.
Best of luck