Quandary (of Doom!)

[Chimera]

I think it is a bit skewed that everyone says, "If he is really your friend, he will understand." I heard that a lot too. It is just not true. He has issues bad enough to make the lives of 4-6 other people miserable, what makes everyone think he will be gracious about being kicked out when he is not rational about the consequences of his actions prior to that point. The understanding only comes with time.

Not everyone said this. I certainly did not.

I said;

If you are a true friend, you can discuss WHY it happened without rancor or recriminations. Be honest about how people felt about his actions.

You can only control your own behavior, not that of others. Be honest and tell the guy the truth of the matter. Sure, it's going to hurt him. But it's like telling someone they have bad breath or smell like ass. You're ultimately doing them a favor that, if they take the hint and make the required change, will result in more favorable interactions in the future.

 

[DarrenGMiller]

Not everyone said this. I certainly did not.

You can only control your own behavior, not that of others. Be honest and tell the guy the truth of the matter. Sure, it's going to hurt him. But it's like telling someone they have bad breath or smell like ass. You're ultimately doing them a favor that, if they take the hint and make the required change, will result in more favorable interactions in the future.

You are correct, but I heard that phrase many times when I went through this problem three times in the past 3 years. I think ultimately, criticizing someone's personality is harder for them to take than criticizing their breath or body odor. That can be controlled by some minor hygiene and/or diet changes usually, if not some mints or deoderant. Personality is much more tied into things that are a part of one's psyche and such. IMO, they are harder to change and harder to admit.

DM