D&D General Quotes from Your Last Session

[el-remmen]

In the spirit of "How Was Your Last Session?", "Your last adventure in photos," and "What are you prepping for your next D&D session?" This thread is simply for saying funny and/or cool things people said in your last session. . .

I'll start it off:

Lamech the Bard: “Everyone always acts like gnomes are delicious.
Grandinar the Dwarven Eldritch Knight: “That’s because they are.”

Yaakov the Paladin: “I don’t know why I’m grappling a demon, but I’m grappling a demon.”

 

[rgoodbb]

One of my co-players once wrote down Goblin Tree Shavers in her notes during a session and we all wondered the next week what the heck that was all about...Even the DM. The mind boggles...

Or was it The Mind-Boggles...

 

[payn]

Traveller but worth hearing;
Captain Anders: "I could use some relaxing time off and a cup of tea."
Dr Lincoln "Here, try my new cleanse"
Captain Anders: "Oh, thanks! ...Wait is this just your diarrhea inducing drug we used to distract the guard on our last heist? Which we also used to sneak past the guard tower during that local civil war we started? Which we also used during..."
Dr Lincoln "No, its totally different"
Captain Anders "Im good."

 

[Lidgar]

Almost all that come to mind are not grandma friendly and could of been uttered by this guy:

 

[iserith]

"This is why we can't have a podcast..."

 

[Quickleaf]

"The gnome illusionist NPC thinking we were his illusions pushed the silly right to the edge, but it was still a lot of fun."

 

[Stormonu]

From my eldest son's last game he DMed:

Player1: "Why is the floor all covered in blood except that ten-foot square in the center?"
Player2: "Must be some sort of trap"
Player1: "Well, I'm not taking a chance. I'm jumping to that middle area."
DM: "Well, you easily clear the distance, but as you prepare to land you find yourself slowing as if you were leaping into some sort of invisible jelly - or maybe gelatin..."