Michael Morris
First Post
Pardon me if this devolves into a pity me case. I'm just not doing that well. The first half of February has always been the toughest part of the year for me. I hate it. I absolutely hate the month with a bloody passion. I've done better than in years past in keeping my spirits up, but the inevitable swing low of my bi-polar condition can only be forstalled for so long until I have to let it go. I've kept busy, very busy, but still. So this is what's bothering me.
First, I'm having to spend some $30,000 and the next 3 years getting a piece of paper to certify that I can write PHP and manage a website. That's pissy, but finding a job while going to school, well that's a trip to. The only thing I'm certified to do is drive a truck. Now, if you love living in total isolation with no set schedule in your life - that's a wonderful job. I highly recommend it. But if you want to be at X location at Y time, forget it. In the 3 years I drove a truck dispatchers managed to miss 9 doctors appointments - sometimes by DAYS. D&D session? Hell.
So I've returned to where I began out of high-school - studying computer science. Maybe I can make up for being a total screw up the last 10 years. I have to at least try.
In the last four months I've been working as much as possible on the site. The alternative was to sit around and despair. That's the last thing I need of course, so the work got done. In order to make time for it though I took my own website down. That's the other thing that's bothering me.
I launched Dusk - a campaign setting - in 1996 with the (admittedly naiive to the extreme) goal of forming a net based shared world. In nearly 10 years there have been exactly 10 pages of material submitted that I didn't write that I, at one point or another, put on the site. At the zenith though the site was hosted on TSR's page. Then WotC took over and the page was expelled. By October the site was having 2 or 3 visits a month - and it was time to take it down. Little was left anyway. I took the spells down hoping to see them in print. Instead of revitalizing the setting with a print book, the wait struck the final blow. With it's mechanics heart gone, and no one interested in the stories, I pulled it to concentrate on ENWorld. Art of Magic may yet see print (It would be a shame if it doesn't at least make PDF), but its parent setting is now gone.
One day, maybe, I'll relaunch it, but only if I am asked to do so. I never intended to work on the thing alone, but for 10 years I did precisely that and ran precisely three games in the setting, none long lived (Life sucks and gets in the way all too often). I still jot things down for my own entertainment. No matter how original though, who needs another setting? Faced with years of apathy, I myself ceased to care. I became what I swore never to become - a cynic.
All I do these days is write code. Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy it immensely. It is the one thing I can do without needing help. It seems I'll never get any help, so I guess I should concentrate on something that doesn't require it. It also feels good to help keep something going that people care about, even if it isn't mine.
Yet, I can't escape the irony that I play D&D less than anyone here. I haven't played in, come May, a full year. With no players in my area I doubt that will change (No, I do not like PbP or chat games - at all. I have tried, they're each to slow). Still, I don't need to play or know how to play to be able to get this chunck of circuits in gear. And as long as people care whether or not the server is up, I'll have a reason to get up in the morning to check and work on it. It's not much, but it will have to do.
At least until I can get a sheet of paper proving I can program.
First, I'm having to spend some $30,000 and the next 3 years getting a piece of paper to certify that I can write PHP and manage a website. That's pissy, but finding a job while going to school, well that's a trip to. The only thing I'm certified to do is drive a truck. Now, if you love living in total isolation with no set schedule in your life - that's a wonderful job. I highly recommend it. But if you want to be at X location at Y time, forget it. In the 3 years I drove a truck dispatchers managed to miss 9 doctors appointments - sometimes by DAYS. D&D session? Hell.
So I've returned to where I began out of high-school - studying computer science. Maybe I can make up for being a total screw up the last 10 years. I have to at least try.
In the last four months I've been working as much as possible on the site. The alternative was to sit around and despair. That's the last thing I need of course, so the work got done. In order to make time for it though I took my own website down. That's the other thing that's bothering me.
I launched Dusk - a campaign setting - in 1996 with the (admittedly naiive to the extreme) goal of forming a net based shared world. In nearly 10 years there have been exactly 10 pages of material submitted that I didn't write that I, at one point or another, put on the site. At the zenith though the site was hosted on TSR's page. Then WotC took over and the page was expelled. By October the site was having 2 or 3 visits a month - and it was time to take it down. Little was left anyway. I took the spells down hoping to see them in print. Instead of revitalizing the setting with a print book, the wait struck the final blow. With it's mechanics heart gone, and no one interested in the stories, I pulled it to concentrate on ENWorld. Art of Magic may yet see print (It would be a shame if it doesn't at least make PDF), but its parent setting is now gone.
One day, maybe, I'll relaunch it, but only if I am asked to do so. I never intended to work on the thing alone, but for 10 years I did precisely that and ran precisely three games in the setting, none long lived (Life sucks and gets in the way all too often). I still jot things down for my own entertainment. No matter how original though, who needs another setting? Faced with years of apathy, I myself ceased to care. I became what I swore never to become - a cynic.
All I do these days is write code. Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy it immensely. It is the one thing I can do without needing help. It seems I'll never get any help, so I guess I should concentrate on something that doesn't require it. It also feels good to help keep something going that people care about, even if it isn't mine.
Yet, I can't escape the irony that I play D&D less than anyone here. I haven't played in, come May, a full year. With no players in my area I doubt that will change (No, I do not like PbP or chat games - at all. I have tried, they're each to slow). Still, I don't need to play or know how to play to be able to get this chunck of circuits in gear. And as long as people care whether or not the server is up, I'll have a reason to get up in the morning to check and work on it. It's not much, but it will have to do.
At least until I can get a sheet of paper proving I can program.
