Unless you're gaming with a bunch of complete strangers, this is far too formalized.
I said topics like this ought to be discussed, I did not say what form that discussion would take, so I don't see how you can say it would be too formalized.
Just let it happen, for cryin' out loud, and let the chips fall where they may.
So, I recognize that I am at a table (real or virtual, these days) with other real-world people. Those people matter. In general, I expect those people have their own lives, and those lives probably aren't all sweetness and light. They are busy. They have stress, and fears, and complications. They are coming to a table with me to spend a few of their precious few hours of entertainment time. We are each using each other to enhance those precious hours of entertainment time.
That means we have a few responsibilities toward each other. And, "not trash out the whole game because I couldn't be bothered to make sure we were all on the same page before we started," is one of those responsibilities.
If "let the chips fall where they may" is fun for the other players, that's great. If the way I deal with those chips leaves everyone else frustrated and like the whole thing was a waste of their time, that's the opposite of great.
Mature adults can spend a half hour or an hour talking over expectations before starting a thing that's going to take dozens to hundreds of hours to complete.
Having to ask before trying something rash rather defeats the point of doing something rash at all....
And, if you are gaming with folks who might have a problem with it, don't you want to know beforehand, so that you can choose to either not join the group or not have a character for whom this would be a notable point?
In this case, "the point" may have been, "I cannot manage to use my words to state that this is boring the crap out of me, the player, and it has not been made clear to me that actions have consequences, so I will act out in-game." Yes, if that's the point of the action, I do want that defeated before we get to the table.