Rock Falls, Everyone Dies

[Halivar]

You step on a flagstone, and hear *click*.
You see a set of cogs with wooden dowels start spinning.
Suddenly, a boot on a rope swings out of nowhere, and kicks over a bucket at the top of the stairs.
Out of the bucket rolls a bowling ball.
The bowling ball hits a chute at the bottom of the stairs.
At the end of the chute, the ball hits a metal pole, dislodging a large boulder at its top.
The boulder falls into a bathtub. It crashes through the ceramic, and falls to the ground.
Unfortunately, the boulder hits a flagstone that is connected via lever to a flagstone upon which stands Krugthor the Abnormously Huge.
Krugthor the Abnormously Huge is flipped backwards through the air into a big vat of acid, which shakes another pole, dislodging a giant iron cage.
Which falls on you.

And you sit there, wondering why you stupidly watched this strange contraption for 30 seconds instead of getting out of the way.

The party then spends 15 minutes retriggering the trap so they can do it all again, just for fun.

...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[Man in the Funny Hat]

An anvil falls. The small umbrella from a tropical fruit drink that you are holding does not protect you. The impact actually drives your entire body into the ground.


...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[OnlineDM]

The rune (which you failed to notice) above the doorway triggers a powerful sleep spell as you stumble into the room. While you are locked down in magical slumber, the evil wizard's tiny constructs get to work carving up your innards to feed to his newest razor-fanged pet.

...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[Herobizkit]

As you open the chest, a single needle pierces your neck. Take one point of damage.

As realization dawns on you, a thousand more fly from the walls and ceiling, piercing you from all sides.

It's a sad thing that your adventures have ended here!!

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCeAlHQD9Eo[/ame]


...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[Janx]

You are dead. It must have been pretty traumatic because you don't remember how it happened. Oddly, you also don't remember anything since your rolled up this PC. It must have been a pretty grueling and gruesome adventure. You should contemplate what you must have done wrong, so that you don't make the same mistake again.

...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[Ulrick]

When you walk through the door, you and your entire party are teleported to a high density feed lot. You realize to your horror that you're about to graduate from "Bovine University."

Meat and You: Partners in Freedom

...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[Gold Roger]

As you grasp the sword, you loose control of yourself. You have to watch, helpless, as your body slaughters your surprised friends.

Week, months, maybe years later (you lost track), another group of adventurers finally puts you down. The last thing you see is the one to have slain you, as he pries the sword from your clutch...


...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[Janx]

You roll "Starship exploded during routine mission" on the character background table. Your PC has died before finishing char-gen..


...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[jonesy]

You stand above the altar, ready to cast the spell that shall finally make you a god. You remember how your party used to mock you. Well, not anymore. You've killed every last one of them. Now you shall take this world and rule it with an iron hand. Everything is ready, nothing can stop you now, the world is doomed!

As you look for the scroll which will set down the final piece of the puzzle, you notice there's a group of adventurers walking towards you. They seem.. capable. You suddenly realize to your horror that you are no longer a player character. You have become an NPC BBEG. And it is you who is doomed. They attack!

...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.

 

[Pentius]

As you grip the bejewelled Sword of Tholtig, you are struck by the BBEG's final trap. A vile and potent curse of mediocrity strikes you and everyone in your party. You go home.

The wizard decides to take what he has learned and publish papers in academia, but it turns out his experiences translate poorly to the non-adventurous life. He does manage to publish a few well regarded papers, but soon it is discovered he was plagarizing another wizard and he is disgraced, spending the rest of his days running a small magic item shop in town. Most of his items are not actually magical. He does end up marrying a nice young sorceress who honestly believes in him, so there's that. She makes very nice cookies, but they are no replacement for the feeling of adventure.

The cleric is reprimanded heavily for his chaotic efforts with the party and is stationed as a low level pencil pusher in the local monastery. He spends his time scribing new copies of holy tomes. His mood is soured by his loss of glory, and he never rises back to his old rank. The monastery still makes the best beer around, though, and sometimes you guys get together and have a few. After one too many, he'll talk about how there's probably a sage out there somewhere that could break the curse, but none of you still have the verve needed to go actually look for him.

The fighter, knighted and lorded for slaying that dragon, settles down and marries the princess. The transition to courtly life goes poorly for him, as his wife insists he stay at home instead of going out adventuring. Being born a farm boy, he is never truly accepted among his lordly peers and ends up being a trainer for young lordlings. No amount of pointing at the stuffed dragon's head ever convinces them he used to be someone. The highlight of his days is sneaking out to have beers with you all on occasion.

Finally, you, the Rogue, are arrested for the theft of the Sword of Tholtig from the neighboring barony, and no amount of telling them the baron was evil changes the sentence. It is pretty light, actually, on account of the kingdom's new Three Strikes law, but you are warned that as that was your second strike, you will face the gallows if you threaten to provoke another war.
Taking this to heart, you settle down and marry the pretty barmaid you've been flirting with for the last 9 levels. She turns jealous and possessive after the wedding, though, and generally gives you a lot of grief for not being the dashing ne'er-do-well she fell in love with, even though you're certain she'd only be more angry if you actually did anything wild. Turning from crime, you put your skills to use by opening a locksmith's shop. You're actually pretty good, as you remind the others over drinks, but it turns out no one cares about locksmithing.
For awhile, there, you take a mistress, impressing her with tales your deeds, but soon she wants you to try stealing valuable jewelry for her. You agree at first, but you find your derring-do is still gone, leaving behind only Boring-Don't. She dumps you and your wife finds out. It causes quite a stir, but you end up working it out and raising several children together. Maybe one of them will do something grand.

...you become the DM and get to devise the next deathtrap.

When the next hapless reader falls to your trap, it will then be that unfortunate soul's chance to take out the next reader.