Santa Claus


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Satan Claus (btw, Santa merely means "saint", saint claus, so the people who shortens his name to santa always amuse me) is evil, not good. He has fallen.

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Once upon a time, Saint Nicolas was a bishop that saved a trio of children from what is traditionally described as an ogre in faerytales. Since then, he was seen as a protector of the children.

However, as time passed, his role changed. He become the spoiler of brat, the bringer of gifts.

But actually, he don't give anything. He plotted with the evil lords of the merchant's guild to enspell parents into buying junk for their kids, and children into believing he is the generous donator, rather than the parents.

Don't believe that mawkish visuals he provides. "Santa" and his "elfs" are up to no good. A couple decades ago, he convinced merchants to sell frail plastic toys rather than robust, traditionnal wooden toys. As a result, not only are the brats spoiled with a shower of gift they think they deserved, but on the morrow, at least half the toys are broken and the brats will cry their parents into buying new one. Or into spanking them good.

Even more recently, he convinced parents to buy videogames. Videogames are special toys that will be broken even if handled by the most careful and precautious kid ever. It's a phenomenon called "obsolescence" that makes them become uglier and uglier as time pass. Even worse, "Santa" devised the DVD player -- DVD is a special kind of magic items, that can be compared to a portable hole, but for illusions only. Either programmed illusions (called movies or music) or reactive illusions (called games).

Well, DVDs need a special equipment to view the illusions they contain, and the merchant's guild crafted these equipments so that they can't play just any DVD, but only a small subset of them. It's called "zoning". Even worse, they have also included special sorceries on the DVDs so that they can be read also on a small subset of DVD players -- even if of the good zone. It's called "copy protection", because the merchants don't want it to be copied, and they thought, "if it can't be read, it can't be copied, right?".

All that because of Satan Claus, the lord of frustrated mercantilism and lemmings-like consumerism.

Burn him! Burn him at the stake!
 


arcady said:
Santa Claus:

Santa Claus is a neutral good demi god who is chosen from among mortal men once every two hundred years. Only a human can be Santa, and as far as memory goes they have all been male. During thw winter soltace Santa will traverse the world in his sleigh giving gifts to all the destitude children of the world who are of good alignment. Other children either don't need or haven't earned his gifts. Somehow through his magic he is able to do this all within the single night that makes the longest night of the year in the dead of winter.

As a demi god Santa is under another deity. The deity in question should be very strongly keyed to good and have some connection to renewal, forgiveness, and or second chances along with poverty and helping those in need. In the core rules, Santa comes under Pelor or Yondalla.

Santa's clerics can only be elves, half-elves, gnomes, and halflings. They get to choose from the domains Good, Healing, Magic, Protection, and Travel. At least one choice must be either good or travel. Santa's clerics are also under a vow to do no harm or evil and their magic will fail if they attempt to do so. Some DMs might want to consider letting these clerics have three domains as a result of this vow - if such is done the cleric should also lose all weapon proficiencies -even simple- and gain Wild Empathy at will with reindeer. I have no idea if that idea is balanced, but it sounds about right.

Nobody actually worships Santa, he is seen as a saint to the deity he comes under, and his clerics sole purpose is to assist in the collection or manufacture of the toys as well as their distribution. They also seek new Santas every two hundred years.

You take 12 points of damage.
 

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